Tough Week — The Bump
Special Needs

Tough Week

I'll post the self-care check in later ton today.  I just need to get this off my chest...

Last Sunday (A week and a day ago), my brother asked me to check-in with my SIL about some issue related to DN.  When I did, she proceeded to unload on me all the things DN and I were doing wrong.  Specifically, she accused my DN of doing more pot, and accused me and my DH of not holding DN accountable.  I kept my cool.  I calmly let her know how we were holding DN accountable.  I told her about the progress DN has made since being at our house (she's going to school every day and she hasn't run away or threatened to run away), and I told her what we had already set in motion concerning the drug allegations.  She didn't want to hear it.  After our phone call, I filled my DH in on our conversation.  DH approached DN about the drug allegations.  DN called her mom.  DN mom called me, upset that we had approached DN about the allegations.  She then said, more like screamed, 'She's your problem now.  I AM DONE WITH YOU, YOUR BROTHER, AND THIS ENTIRE F*****G FAMILY!'  Then she hung up.  She also texts DN saying that she, SIL, is done with DN.  That she is out of DN life forever and so is the rest of DN family.  I called my brother and left a message on his phone, letting him know what had transpired and that I was concerned about SIL.

The next night (a week ago) I learn that SIL checked herself into one of the local psych wards early that morning.  From what I heard from family, she 'did not feel safe' alone in the house.

Then, Tuesday, DH and I take DN for an intake evaluation with a new agency.  This new agency will be able to provide drug / alcohol counseling as well as a psychiatrist (she was discharged from her last one because she no longer lived in the county where her mom lived).  DN's anxiety is high throughout the evaluation.  We set a different date to come up with a care plan.  Then, several hours later, I get a call from my mom.  SIL called DN and SIL is scared DN is going to self harm.  So, SIL called my mom, so that my mom could call me and I could follow up.  I was not home at this point, so the situation was passed on to DH.  DH tried to talk to DN, but DH is dealing with some things of his own right now and wasn't very comforting.  In the end, he lost his cool because DN didn't want to talk to him.

Wednesday, DN doesn't want to go to school.  We (DH and I) knows she just needs someone to talk to.  And, since she wouldn't talk to either of us, we give her the ultimatum - you go to school or you go to the hospital and talk to a psychologist.  DN chose the hospital.  On the way the hospital, DN asks if we can stop in somewhere for breakfast.  I tell her we can if she will talk to me.  She agrees.  We stop and we talk.  DN is very depressed and is overwhelmed by everything that is going on.  She just needs a day to pause everything so she can process everything that is going on.  I give her the rest of the day to pause and think.  I also agree that 2 - 3 times a year, she can call a pause day.  We plan to draw up a contract this week.

Thursday proceeds without any crisis.

Friday DN spends the night at a friends house.  On Saturday, she wants to spend the night again.  We agree to let her stay but ask for the friends Dad to call us.  He doesn't.  We call him.  We learn that DN and her friend are trying to go to a party with DN 'boyfriend.'  We have heard of these parties - they're no good.  So, we say 'No.'  DN has a breakdown.  SIL calls in the middle of her breakdown.  Again, she is afraid DN is going to hurt herself.  My brother contacts me about the concern.  We spend at least an hour talking with DN, the parent of DN's friend, and my brother - working out whatever is going on, creating a plan of action for the night and updating my brother.

Sunday, proceeds without incident.  DN informs me her boyfriend broke up with her.  She's upset, but she thinks he's a jerk (he had the opportunity to hang out with her and her friend at the movies, but he chose to party instead, and then said some very mean things to her).  My brother wanted another update, so I passed one one.  Then, SIL texts me, she wants to meet this coming Thursday for breakfast.

I just... I just... WTH!

Anyway, I just needed to get that out.  And I need to say that despite ALL of that.  I am going to look to hope today because DN managed her freakout on Saturday much better than she has previously and because Lily is starting to crawl.  So, horray for babysteps.  Thanks for reading.
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Re: Tough Week

  • Hang in there!  Your kindness and keeping it all together-ness is admirable.  ((hugs))

    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
  • I also think it was a good thing for my SIL to be admitted.  It's just been a tough week.

    I hope the inpatient stay helped her.  But, I fear it didn't (I have no reason to think that... it's just a fear I have).  And, I am nervous for what may transpire on Thursday.   
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    [Deleted User]
  • Wow...tough days.  So glad you are being an effective parent for DN and a source of stability.

    And L is crawling?!!!!!! That is HUGE!  GO L!
    To my boys:  I will love you for you Not for what you have done or what you will become I will love you for you I will give you the love The love that you never knew
  • Wow you are amazing to be able to deal with all of that! Big hugs! And way to go Lily!!

    DS1: 4/15/2011
    Dx: ASD, SPD and receptive and expressive speech delay at 21 months
    BFP #2: CP 5/2012
    DS2: 4/24/2013
    BFP #4: Miscarriage at 5 weeks 7/2014
    BFP #5: 8/8/2014 Due 4/20/2015 
    Its a healthy girl!!!!! 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • SIL isn't asking to meet with DN, she wants to meet with me.

    But, to your point, we are considering limiting SIL contact with DN, but DN is against it.
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  • Thanks for the input Bubba.  It is a service provided by DN new mental health group.  But it has to be by DN request.  And, at this point, DN would rather everyone just forget everything and move on.  That, obviously, isn't going to happen, nor would it fix everything.  So, we just ever so gently push and recommend and plant seeds.  It is a process.
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  • That does sound like a tough week. But it also sounds like your DN is extremely lucky to have a responsible person like you in her life. Hope things start looking up and the meeting goes well.
    DS 10/2012
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