Anyone feel like they need to quit their job due to child with special needs?

KL777 · December 2014

It's either that or just pay an obscene amount of money to a sitter who can help out when I and DH can't. DS got suspended from Before and After care, so DH and I ended up leaving our jobs early or going in late to take him to school. I get a call today from the nurse that DS is congested (he was fine at home this morning) and asked if I could bring in some Benadryl. DH said if he still needs it, he'll bring it up. We have one high maintenance young man.

bumpuser511563 · December 2014

I would look into their sick policy and speak to the director or the principal.

I would let it go and not do anything about it unless there is vomiting, diahrea or a fever.

I would also be concerned that if a child care provider calls you and tells you that the child is sick when the child is really not. This may also be a sign that they can't deal with your child.

Our old daycare did this to us in order to send DS home when he was clearly fine. One instance DS's preschool pulled that on us, too.

KL777 · December 2014

@Sailor: The school nurse called. I checked back later to see how he was doing and they reported "much better."

@Auntie. Yes, suspended from B&A care due to behavior---however, the child care program is not school owned, it is just housed inside of the school. Yes, he has a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD. He also has an IEP. This is a public school.

CaptainSerious · December 2014

To answer your original question, I did quit my job so that I could spend more time with my boys, but I didn't feel pressured to do so and we could have gone on with me continuing to work. In our case, I felt that my boys could benefit more from me being at home, so it's a choice I made and have been happy with. If, however, your family needs your income or you feel you would be happier working, I would look into all other alternatives first. It sounds from the posts above that there have been some shinanegans going on, and maybe it's time you either seek another placement or force this daycare to do what they should.

malcivar · December 2014

I do find myself often ranting that it feels like I was "supposed to" become a stay at home mom once we got Chris dx because workshops and meetings and what not are all scheduled for when I'm at work.

I think maybe once I got a call from Chris's school that I thought maybe was a 'we really don't want to deal' call but when pressed as to if he had a fever or something similar, they said no and dropped it.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's definitely hard. I don't know how expensive they are but I've been on the care.com site and they do seem to have caregivers that specialize in special needs kids.

Best of luck.

MirandaHobbes · December 2014

Ugh. When I read your post it gave me a chill; I'm always worrying about after/before school care, release day care, and summer care. I can't quit my job, nor do I want to, so we have to make it work. Like your care, ours is not officially part of the school. However, they are ran by "community ed" so they make a very concerted effort to accommodate. Most of the staff are teachers working off hours. Right now DS attends a parks and rec program offered by the city. They, too, have language in their handbook and bylaws that require them to accommodate. Auntie's link above is illustrative re: an org's obligation to at the minimum follow the ADA. DH and I stagger our hours so he is only at the after-school care site for an hour and a half. We had an incident that was addressed by us filling out some forms saying the staff needed additional help accommodating DS and they were able to hire another PT staff.

I'm terrified about what to do when DS is in middle school. His school will be late start (9:45) and there is no before or after school care. So I have no idea what we'll do. I found a local social networking site called Nextdoor.org, I plan on posting on there to see what other families in our 'hood do. There are some other nontraditional options out there. The YMCA offers a program for older kids (but our district won't bus there). There's a karate school that offers an afterschool program- snack, homework, and a karate lesson.

KL777 · December 2014

MusicFillsMyHeart said:

KL777 said:

It's either that or just pay an obscene amount of money to a sitter who can help out when I and DH can't. DS got suspended from Before and After care, so DH and I ended up leaving our jobs early or going in late to take him to school. I get a call today from the nurse that DS is congested (he was fine at home this morning) and asked if I could bring in some Benadryl. DH said if he still needs it, he'll bring it up. We have one high maintenance young man.

Im sorry you are having difficulty. Is it possible your child's therapist can address some of the school issues?

as to the school nurse calling you and telling you he is congested and to bring benadryl, I have 2 thoughts on this:
1. totally inappropriate for her to call you for something minor and then suggest which medication to bring him. A RN is not licensed to prescribe and essentially she was ordering a medication from you. Plus is congestion really going to affect his learning? Not all parents medicate.
2. It was a "bogus" congestion call and someone wanted the benadryl to sedate him because of his behavior in school. This is equally inappropriate and wildly accusatory but a thought nonetheless.

What did you do?

To be fair to the nurse. She said DS came in screaming and sticking his finger in his ear and that he might be congested. She asked what do I give him for congestion and I said Benadryl. I called DH because I had to work through my lunch hour in order to get him to school at 8:50 am since he couldn't go to B&A school care. Fortunately, I checked back with the school to see how DS was doing and was told "much better." Needles to say I gave him some Benadryl this morning and he did sound a little congested.

KL777 · December 2014

CaptainSerious said:

To answer your original question, I did quit my job so that I could spend more time with my boys, but I didn't feel pressured to do so and we could have gone on with me continuing to work. In our case, I felt that my boys could benefit more from me being at home, so it's a choice I made and have been happy with. If, however, your family needs your income or you feel you would be happier working, I would look into all other alternatives first. It sounds from the posts above that there have been some shinanegans going on, and maybe it's time you either seek another placement or force this daycare to do what they should.

I SAH with DS for his first three years and enjoyed most of it. With DS turning 7 years old next month, I truly prefer to work, however my ideal schedule would be a 30 hour work week vs my current 40.

KL777 · December 2014

malcivar said:

I do find myself often ranting that it feels like I was "supposed to" become a stay at home mom once we got Chris dx because workshops and meetings and what not are all scheduled for when I'm at work.

I think maybe once I got a call from Chris's school that I thought maybe was a 'we really don't want to deal' call but when pressed as to if he had a fever or something similar, they said no and dropped it.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's definitely hard. I don't know how expensive they are but I've been on the care.com site and they do seem to have caregivers that specialize in special needs kids.

Best of luck.

Thank you! Yes, we use care.com. Our extended family does not live nearby so we strongly take advantage of care.com. We found a great "date night" sitter from there and used her services for over a year. With DS being so high maintenance, we have to get assistance from others since DH and I both work.

KL777 · December 2014

-auntie- said:

You might want to read this-

https://www.wrightslaw.com/info/sec504.afterschool.crabtree.htm

Thanks!

KL777 · December 2014

bubba2b said:

Forgot about original question. I am a SAHM and probably will return to the workforce at some point. I was advocating for my mom, working on dd's sn, and pregnant with ds in 2009. Workign would have been really hard but I kinda wish I had been part time so reentry would have been easier.

Also we are at a point that we are considering an exenspensive sn school. Part time $ could help with it but that is all conjecture.

Special needs cost money and time. Evaluate your resources. You may be able to tweak somewhere.

Yes, I see. SN definitely costs money and time.

abigail912 · December 2014

I feel your pain!! I never thought about being a SAHM until DS came along. I am a social worker for a preschool program and have all schools break off. So, I have a great schedule for a working mother but it has still been a bumpy road. We need my income and I carry the insurance for the family. So, I have to work but last year was awful and I almost quit many times. Thankfully I have great coworkers who would talk me down when I would want to walk out. Last year my kids were in daycare and DS caught every childhood illness know to man, on top of chronic eye and ear infections, eeg, surgery for ear tubes then tear duct tube, countless evaluations. I was consistently having to leave work or call off and his daycare teachers loved him but he struggled there and they didn't have the resources he needed. He now does ABA Mon - Fri from 9-4. Luckily DH and MIL are able to take turns taking him since I have to be at work at 7:30 and this year has been much smoother...of course I am typing this from my couch since I had to stay home with DS today.....:)

macchiatto · December 2014

I was a SAHM and didn't return to work as early as I'd planned b/c of his special needs. He hasn't had a lot of behavior issues (his NT twin is actually more prone to those in a school setting) but just coordinating all the therapies, going to all the evals and specialist appts, etc., it was easier to manage when I SAH. I did some freelance/project-based work from home as well.

PipSqueak0313 · January 2015

I work pt in the evenings/weekends at a fast food restaurant. Doesn't pay as much as a job using my BS degree, but since dh provides the child care while I work and I don't have some some of the work expenses (work is now closer to home, don't have meal expenses, wardrobe costs are less) my net pay after working expenses is about the same. Since our gross income is so much less, we qualify for some assistance (like medicaid based on income) that we wouldn't qualify for if I was still working the hours at the pay I was at when ds2 was born. I'd say if you're debating if it's affordable to leave a job, make sure you're calculating all the costs/benefits involved in all options.

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