PPD/Anxiety Check In 12/3

MrsL2B · December 2014

How are you doing this week? Do you have any struggles to share?

What are your big triggers and how are you dealing with them?

What do you do to be #feelingnormal?

MrsL2B · December 2014

This past week was pretty difficult, and I found myself drinking a lot to cope with the sadness and frustration. I made the decision to go on Wellbutrin, which I've used with success in the past. I saw the ARNP at my OB's office today to discuss this. She advised that I probably shouldn't breastfeed on this drug, and I'm ok with that. Breastfeeding hasn't been my favorite thing. Actually, none of this mom stuff is making my favorite things list.

I was always on the fence about having kids. I don't especially like children, but eventually my ovaries got the better of me and convinced me for a few days out of the month that I wanted to get pregnant. I was also worried that maybe I was missing out on something fabulous by not having a child. Unfortunately I wound up with a colicky baby who is doing his best to convince me that I wasn't missing out on anything. I've almost become accustomed to the sound of him crying at this point, so it doesn't bother me as much now to put him down in his swing for a while when I need to get anything done. He's going to cry whether he's in his swing or in my arms.

Sitting at home alone (my husband is often here, just asleep since usually he works at night) leads to very bad feelings of isolation. So this week I'm staying as busy as The Screamer will let me. Getting us both out of the house seems to help a lot.

And wine helps tons. #feelingnormalbythesecondglass

MrsSarahRenee · December 2014

@MrsL2B‌ Hugs!! You must be a very strong momma to get through the day alone with a colicky baby!!

MrsL2B · December 2014

@MrsSarahRenee Thank you! Mostly I feel like a shitty mom since I can't do anything to calm him down.

TheFutureMrs.O · December 2014

I went for my 6 week PP check in this week. I talked to dr. About how I've been feeling and he recommended a therapist. I am in the middle of switching insurance (not going back to work) so I have wait for the approval from hubby's company and make sure the therapist is in network.

How are you doing this week? Do you have any struggles to share?
I'm doing ok. Have good days and bad ones. Today's a bad one. Hubby picked a fight and I have a pounding headache. Struggling with the isolation, not going back to work, baby's reflux, 18 month who doesn't listen or talk, baby who has to be held all day so I can't spend time or attention with DS. Not to mention about how I don't fit into anything and feel like a disgusting slob.

What are your big triggers and how are you dealing with them?y big trigger is when baby throws up an entire feeding. This happened 3x last week. Been trying to just tell myself that this is temporary.

What do you do to be #feelingnormal?
I've been trying to get out of pajamas and get into clothes. Even if it is just yoga pants and top. I notice I feel better when I'm not in pjs all day and then change into another set of pjs to sleep in that night.

MrsSarahRenee · December 2014

@MrsL2B‌ feeling like a bad mom is probably a very normal reaction but remind yourself that it just isn't true. You are a rock star for getting through it!!

How are you doing this week? Do you have any struggles to share?
I am doing pretty well. Getting anxious about going back to work in January. Baby is not feeling well so that is making me anxious too.

What are your big triggers and how are you dealing with them?
Middle of the night feeds are a trigger. I keep a snack and water by my bed side and I turn on the tv as a distraction if I need it.

What do you do to be #feelingnormal?
Getting out of the house! Putting on real people clothes!
We went to our breakfast spot for the first time last weekend and that felt good and #normal.

jlgracz · December 2014

@MrsL2B I'm having a hard time leaving my OL, I haven't yet. And I have to go back to work in two weeks and thinking about it brings me to tears with anxiety. How can I get past this?

bumpuser10309732 · December 2014

How are you doing this week? Do you have any struggles to share?
I have an issue with separation. Just the thought of it ramps up my anxiety. I feel like I can't trust anyone but DH for some reason. The constant badgering from my IL's to babysit really pisses me off because i feel like they're trying to push me to do things I'm not comfortable with yet.

What are your big triggers and how are you dealing with them?
Thinking about starting back to work full time on Monday. I'm trying to remind myself that she will be ok and that it's good for her to have other people to bond with. MIL said something about taking her last week so I could nap and it really irritated me because I don't want her going anywhere. Sometimes I feel like they don't give a shit about me they're just wanting to spend time with DD. I finally had to level with her about what I'm struggling with so she's more mindful about what she's asking of me. She heard me but I don't know if she was listening. I love her but shes the worst listener of all time. She tried to tell me i had postpartum which im very familiar with. I told her just because i wont let them babysit doesn't mean im depressed and that I know that they're excited but she's only 3 months old and they need to let me figure it out. I honestly don't know why they get to me so much!

What do you do to be #feelingnormal?
I finally left her with my IL'S for a work Christmas party Friday night, which was a huge deal for me. I did a lot better than I thought I would but I missed her the whole time I was gone (6-1130) I felt like me again and not just DD'S mom.

bumpuser10309732 · December 2014

jlgracz said:
@MrsL2B I'm having a hard time leaving my OL, I haven't yet. And I have to go back to work in two weeks and thinking about it brings me to tears with anxiety. How can I get past this?

I spoke to my doctor about it because I thought I may need to be medicated. She told me to just start with baby steps. Leave her with who ever it is that you trust and go to the store. Then work your way up to longer periods or other people. It's helped me a lot.

jlgracz · December 2014

Okay, thank you. I will definitely try that

cmac6186 · December 2014

@MrsL2B‌ I know exactly what you mean about the loneliness feeling. I needed Dh to come home from work the other day bc I just couldn't stop crying.
I find that extremely sleepless nights make my days seem so much worse. I can usually rationalize my feelings if I'm rested. Also getting out is super helpful.
Dd had her first day at daycare yesterday and my mom kept saying that she wished I could stay home like she did with me but honestly it was so nice to have a few hours alone. I couldn't imagine being a SAHM.

serenbach · December 2014

MrsL2B said:
This past week was pretty difficult, and I found myself drinking a lot to cope with the sadness and frustration. I made the decision to go on Wellbutrin, which I've used with success in the past. I saw the ARNP at my OB's office today to discuss this. She advised that I probably shouldn't breastfeed on this drug, and I'm ok with that. Breastfeeding hasn't been my favorite thing. Actually, none of this mom stuff is making my favorite things list.

I was always on the fence about having kids. I don't especially like children, but eventually my ovaries got the better of me and convinced me for a few days out of the month that I wanted to get pregnant. I was also worried that maybe I was missing out on something fabulous by not having a child. Unfortunately I wound up with a colicky baby who is doing his best to convince me that I wasn't missing out on anything. I've almost become accustomed to the sound of him crying at this point, so it doesn't bother me as much now to put him down in his swing for a while when I need to get anything done. He's going to cry whether he's in his swing or in my arms.

Sitting at home alone (my husband is often here, just asleep since usually he works at night) leads to very bad feelings of isolation. So this week I'm staying as busy as The Screamer will let me. Getting us both out of the house seems to help a lot.

And wine helps tons. #feelingnormalbythesecondglass

I hope you don't mind me chipping in. Im so sorry that you're going through this, DS had colic it was horrendous. Screaming and screaming for hours the only thing that would settle him was a drive in the car (usually at 2am), then my SIL suggested putting him on anti colic comfort milk, in the UK it's by a brand called Cow and Gate.

I wasn't expecting much from it but honestly he has been like a new baby since, I've had no issues since (I give him some gripe water if he's struggling with pain from wind) there has been no screaming episodes since. If you aren't fussed about breast feeding and are thinking about switching to formula this might be something for you to consider? Hope things get easier for you.

MrsL2B · December 2014

megrobsonx Thanks. I do have him on a formula that greatly cuts down on gas, but that doesn't seem to be his major problem. I think it's just something we'll have to hope he outgrows.

MrsL2B · December 2014

jlgracz I'm sorry your feeling so anxious. My problem is more the opposite. I cannot wait to go back to work and be away from this demanding little guy for several hours. The advice given above sounds pretty good.

bumpuser10309732 · December 2014

@MrsL2B‌ I'm sorry you're struggling so much. One of these days you'll wake up and just feel normal again ((hugs)) I hope you get the meds situated to give you some relief

Aarg · December 2014

Hi Ladies, I have been struggling a lot. I have a history of depression and anxiety and this all started up again at about 8 weeks PP (I'm 11 weeks now) but it hit me like a Mac truck...
But I'm experiencing something I've never experienced with my anxiety/depression... Anger. I'm not angry at specific people, situations, anything like that. I just feel angry.
I feel so worthless since I am now a SAHM. I am use to working full time, bringing in most of the income, but now with my husbands new job, I am able to stay home with DD. It's such an overwhelming and hard transition for me... I'm a little scared as I have moments of pure euphoria, I love my life, I love everything about everything. Then I wake up and I just can't stand who I am, I think everything I do is wrong, I'm so angry, I get heavy feelings of worthlessness...
I just hate that everyone in my family just thinks I'm being a bitch or a crybaby.

We've been waiting for our new insurance to kick in (thank god this Sunday).
My questions to you ladies:
who did you contact about it? OBGYN, Primary doctor, mental health specialist?
How did you cope before speaking to someone?
TIA

ishknits · December 2014

@Aarg‌ I think anger is a normal response to depression.. It's just depression turned outward. You're going through a lot of changes. Adults used to depend on you at work, probably in a fast paced environment and now you're home all day with no one to talk to. I know I feel like I HAVE to have the tv on or I'll feel desperately lonely. I think it's hard for anyone with depressive tendencies to stave it off during this time. It can be really lonely. And then if the baby cries? Omg.

I'd check internally to see if maybe there are some specific things that you're mad about and try to resolve them... Come to terms... Whatever you need. Anger is a secondary emotion so there are some underlying feelings there about something. You're definitely not a bitch or a cry baby and the last thing you need in your life right now is someone to judge you. I literally spent like 12 hrs today trying to accomplish one simple task (moving yarn from a cardboard box to a plastic tub) and I couldn't do it. Try asking someone how that would make them feel.. To not be able to accomplish any grownup tasks.. Ask them if they'd feel bitchy or want to cry about it. I know that when I'm depressed I just want someone to be there for me without trying to change me or make me feel better, and luckily I do have a few people in my life that will do that for me. The worst is to have people who want to label me or ask me how I could feel that way when my life is going so great.

In terms of who to contact it depends what you'd like. If you want medicine you can see your PCP or a psychiatrist. You can call the PCP or OB to see if they'd even write scripts for it.. Some docs won't since it's not their field. I'm sure your OB will have lots of resources for you... Maybe some groups or someone who specializes in ppd.

MrsSarahRenee · December 2014

@aarg Sorry you are having such a rough time. Call your OB for a referral. I would want someone specialized especially if you have history and describe it "like a Mac truck". The best method to help is drugs and counseling.

Good luck! I hope you can find ways to cope in the meantime and remind yourself you are not just a bitch or crybaby.

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