Sex abuse victims (long..)

Re: Sex abuse victims (long..)

• MrsTinMKE member

  December 2014

  Oh honey you are not the only one!! Yes... I have the exact same things happening.  I thought I had dealt with and come to terms with everything that has happened to me in my life, and having DD has brought to light a whole new world of issues I never expected.  

  
  

  During pregnancy I had nightmares weekly about the things that happened to me.  The things you mentioned about cleaning LO or other things I struggle with as well; however I tell myself, this is not abnormal there is no inappropriate intentions or feelings behind cleaning your baby or feeding your child. I try to differentiate and separate me now, and the things that happened when I was a child.

  
  

  I also have this severe anxiety about something terrible like this happening to my little girl.  I don't think it hurts to be very careful about who your child is around ever.  I have had some serious melt downs already worrying about DD.  That being said, I also don't think you can label people as a creeper if you don't know for sure.  I would be very cautious but avoid accusing this person, but remain cautious and don't leave your children around him.  If you have a good enough relationship to discuss with your brother I would approach it as a cautious/keep your eyes open discussion rather than an accusation or warning that this person is "that kind of person". I hope this helps/makes sense!

  
  

  Know you are not alone in how you feel here. 

  

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• Loading the player...
• JJsMum member

  December 2014

  I remember having feelings like this with my first born.  Eventually I worked through them and came to just accept and love every part of being a mom to my little boy.  I don't know the details of your abuse, but mine was peer to peer (rather than adult to child) so that might have made a difference for me.

  
  

  As far as the person in your lives making you feel uneasy, trust your gut.  I'm not saying report him, or anything, but be vigilant around him and maybe just let your BF know that you don't want your LO left alone with him.  I think it's hard for people who haven't gone through abuse to understand how overwhelming those 'gut feelings' about people can be.  I do know that I still get them about people.  Occasionally I've been proved wrong, but some people have proved why I didn't want them in our lives (not necessarily abuse, just bad people).  I don't know that you could directly go to your brother with this (depends on your relationship), but it probably wouldn't hurt to say that the guy makes you uneasy, but you can't pin down exactly why.  Other than that, unfortunately, without any 'evidence' you have to let your brother make the decisions for him and his children.

  
  

  
  

  Jonathan Jeremy~12/02/2010,  BFP#2~M/C @ 11wks 4 days,  BFP #3~CP @ 4 wks 3 days,  

  Simon Randall~01/29/2013, Grayson Paul~10/03/2014

     

  Oct'14 January Siggy Challenge - Snow Fails 

  
  

  
  

  Report2 Reply
• Emerald27 member

  December 2014 edited December 2014

  These are very normal feelings to experience after sexual abuse. Being a new mom is different and stressful, and adding these feelings and questions can be overwhelming and confusing. ((Hugs))
  
  You said you're seeing a therapist. That's awesome. Talking about your feelings and learning what is normal can be so reassuring.
  
  Another thing that helps some new mothers who experienced past sexual abuse is educating themselves as best they can about what is normal in breastfeeding and parenthood. What expressions of affection are you likely to experience from your child as a nursing mom? What is it like? Is there a La Leche League group near you? LLL may be a great source of information and encouragement for you.
  
  Also, answering similar questions regarding diaper changes, baths, outfit changes, etc. Learning what is normal can be reassuring. Maybe a baby book, like...The Baby Book, Dr. William Sears...would be helpful and reassuring.
  
  Wishing you all the best, and hoping that mothering and breastfeeding can ultimately be a source of healing for you!
  

  
  

  
  

  

  Report2 Reply
• MrsTinMKE member

  December 2014

  Emerald27 said:

  These are very normal feelings to experience after sexual abuse. Being a new mom is different and stressful, and adding these feelings and questions can be overwhelming and confusing. ((Hugs)) You said you're seeing a therapist. That's awesome. Talking about your feelings and learning what is normal can be so reassuring. Another thing that helps some new mothers who experienced past sexual abuse is educating themselves as best they can about what is normal in breastfeeding and parenthood. What expressions of affection are you likely to experience from your child as a nursing mom? What is it like? Is there a La Leche League group near you? LLL may be a great source of information and encouragement for you. Also, answering similar questions regarding diaper changes, baths, outfit changes, etc. Learning what is normal can be reassuring. Maybe a baby book, like...The Baby Book, Dr. William Sears...would be helpful and reassuring. Wishing you all the best, and hoping that mothering and breastfeeding can ultimately be a source of healing for you!

  @Emerald27 - Great advise! I never would have thought to go to LLL for information like this.  I have terrible anxiety while BF or EPing, I think in part due to feeling exposed and vulnerable among many other things because of past abuse.  Strange but I have noticed it is a big trigger for me. Thanks for sharing

  

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• ishknits member

  December 2014

  Thank you ladies! It's good to know I'm not alone with these feelings. I give props to all of you who have gone through it and processed their feelings. I am definitely going to trust my gut with my own kid and I think I can talk to my brother just about my gut feelings.. I think he'd def want to keep an eye on his own two children!
  
  I guess I'm just realizing that I have more to work through in therapy so my son can have a healthy view of his body and how to show affection to others and not view the world through my issues
  
  Thanks so much for the honesty and support!

  Report4 Reply
• lrobi13 member

  December 2014

  No advice but big hugs!

  Report0 Reply
• ishknits member

  December 2014

  @MrsTinMKE‌ I'm really sorry you're having all of those anxieties... It's like as soon as you think you turn a corner on everything something else becomes triggering. I think it's great that you're able to identify it though. Honestly I think that's the best way to avoid projecting feelings onto other people. definitely remember to trust your gut and hopefully that can help ease some of the fears.
  I can tell that separating my feelings for my son and what happened to me is definitely going to be a process but it sounds like maybe it's a normal thing for abuse victims to experience...

  Report1 Reply
• Unknown

  December 2014

  This content has been removed.
• MrsTinMKE member

  December 2014

  Thank you for posting this. It does help to know others are going through the same thing. I thought I was going crazy.... Never expected to feel like this.

  

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply