Trigger Warning....Cutting

Re: Trigger Warning....Cutting

• pearlofwisdom1 member

  December 2014

  I would let her get professional help. If you address it she may feel uncomfortable. It was not your mom's business to tell. is there any way you can just spend time with her as an aunt?

  

  
  

  
  

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• stra0111 member

  December 2014

  Thank you all for your responses. I was hoping you would reply @triplea598‌ your insight is valuable and so helpful. Today when I saw her we hugged and I held on so long. Frig. I suck at expressing emotions.
  
  My first thought was that she just quit dance this year and maybe she is missing that outlet? I mean, I guess several things could be her trigger. I hate to think about her feeling like she needs to do that. I wish she could just come live with me sometimes (she probably wouldn't want to and it would probably never happen), her step dad sucks and has brought a lot of drama to her life. A lot of things changed in the last 5 years. I hurt for her.

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• stra0111 member

  December 2014

  I am afraid of her being away because from what she tells me, her dad doesn't spend that much time with her and often has her just babysitting (her little half-sister). I just don't want anything with her dad to contribute to any negative feelings she is having.

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• stra0111 member

  December 2014

  No it's probably not realistic of me to want her to stay here. I'm just kind of rambling. Getting all my thoughts out. I have arranged to visit with her when she gets back. All this info is very helpful. Thank you.

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• angelashly member

  December 2014

  Hugs. I found out a little while ago that my nephew had done some things as well. I know my sister put him in counseling and it helped him some and her as well. I never talked to him about it, but I did start to contact him more by text/Facebook so I wasn't in his face, but that he knew I was around. There is about 12 years difference with us. I was also there for my sister so she could break down or vent. I know you said you aren't close, but you could maybe try that.

  
  

  
  
  

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• jesuisfatiguee member

  December 2014

  I wouldn't address it directly. I agree that you are a fantastic aunt for caring, and others have covered what cutting is/isn't already. 

  
  

  Seeking professional help is the best thing your sister can do for her daughter. And like @triplea598 suggested, maybe you could offer to have her come stay with you? Would your sister be supportive of that, if it looked like it would be best for your niece? 

  
  

  As someone else who used to cut, it's really great that you are so loving and caring, and seeking out ways to be supportive. Even if you can't do anything major to help right now, just being supportive and understanding is so important.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ShakeyJakey member

  December 2014

  I second PPs advice to reach out to her and show her you care. Don't specifically reference being worried about her because she will get defensive. Invite her out for lunch or a mani/pedi or other girly thing, see if she brings up any stressors or issues she's having. I know it's hard to resist the urges to "mom" her and try to get to the bottom of it, but if you can build up her trust, she might open up to you. Definitely let your mom know it isn't her place to bring it up to her. Are you close with her mom? Can you ask her what kind of help she's getting for her?

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• stra0111 member

  December 2014

  Thank you for the advice and hugs. I feel a bit better now knowing a little more about the cutting itself. Thank you @triplea598‌ , if anything more comes to light I will message you! You guys are the best.
  
  I'm trying to text more with my niece. I hope she will be able to visit after her trip to her dad's. Whenever she visits we stay up all night watching movies and talking and eating junk food. She seems to open up to me most then.

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• Kaelynn91 member

  December 2014

  I had a horrible addiction to self-injury as a teenager. To be completely honest, it is something that I still struggle with even now from time to time. My best advice is to be supportive of her. Be whatever she needs... If she needs a shoulder to cry on then do that. If she needs a distraction from her life then be that. Dealing with self-injury is such a private struggle. A lot of people misunderstand it and make horrible assumptions. Just love your niece. She's hurting. 
  
  
  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  

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• NarwhalBacon member

  December 2014

  PPs have given you a lot of great advice. 

  Just my experience, I have had depression, anxiety, etc for 10 years. I've struggled with self harm and still struggle with forms other than cutting (mainly hair pulling and scratching). The last thing you'd want to do is bring up her condition. The idea of people knowing what I was doing was and still is completely horrifying to me. I hid things very well and when another girl happened to see my cuts in the locker room I had a severe anxiety attack after she brought it up. It's a very private thing to go through,  so bringing attention to it would be a mistake.  I've been through this for 10 years and still couldn't tell you how it helps me cope or what my triggers are. Stay as present in her life as you can, be there for anything she needs but please do not bring up the subject or tell her you are worried. I hope the best for your niece.

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• RedBaramid member

  December 2014

  My SIL was cutting, it was awful. She was 16 (18 now) and beautiful and bright, and utterly falling apart.  Luckily for me we are super close, and at the time DH and I were her parental guardians so I could be close to her.  One of the things that really helped her was me telling her that I understood why she was cutting, and that although I hated it, I didn't judge her for it. Eventually with further mental help she and I had a deal where whenever she felt the urge she would come find me and I would sit with her.  I told her that if she was going to do it, I wouldn't stop her, but I didn't want her to be alone and I wanted to be there to make sure she cleaned up the wounds properly and that she didn't get herself too hurt. There were several nights spent on the bathroom floor in near silence, and sadly I had to watch her do it.. but only once.  (And luckily she stopped fast because she couldn't stand that she was hurting herself in front of someone who loved her so much.)

  
  

  I'm not saying that's something that could work for anyone.. my SIL and I have a very special weird mother/daughter/sister/friend relationship.  But I think what really made a difference to her was knowing that I wasn't MAD at her for doing it. I wasn't judging her for doing it, and that I loved her even though it was happening. Also keep yourself in check, she isn't doing this to hurt anyone around her either.. sometimes it feels like they are trying to hurt you, they aren't.

  
  

  I also second/third/whatever the idea that you should gently reach out to your sister.  Maybe the three of you (or more) could have a girls day out.. shop/eat/get nails done just have fun.  Bring in some bonding, but don't make it about her issues. Don't even talk about them that day. It's amazing what a little (or a lot!) of love can do.

  
  

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