When to have a shower (Poll)

DaBearsFansWife · December 2014

Hi, I'm DaBears. I'm a FTM and self professed etiquette hound. I can't find anything definitive on the etiquette surrounding when a shower can be held. I have two close friends (from different friend circles) who have offered to throw me a shower. The friend circles don't overlap so there will not be a guest who is invited to both showers. However, one friend wants to host her shower in February. I will be between 17w and 20w depending on the date. I'm hesitant because this sounds pretty early to me (I won't even have an anatomy scan yet for Christ's sake) but I need a second opinion.

MrsPDX · December 2014

I say have it whenever you want. If you feel comfortable enough without an anatomy scan (I wouldn't) to have it at 17 weeks go for it. I don't think there is a right and/or wrong time to have a shower. Its what works best for MTB and the hosts.

chicagojackie · December 2014

Chicago love for ya xx

I wouldn't do it before 28-30 weeks, personally. Go for late April or May. My DD was born 10-28 and my showers were both in September.

DaBearsFansWife · December 2014

MandJS said:

There's no hard and fast rule saying you cannot have a shower at 17 or 20 weeks, but most showers take place in late 2nd or early 3rd trimesters. If that's the time that works best for your hostess and you are comfortable with it, then so be it. But it's more a personal comfort thing than an etiquette issue, I believe.

This is pretty much what I found when I looked elsewhere online. I just wanted to make sure that this was in line with what you guys thought.

@Happy_Yahoo_Personaler - you brought up a good point about viability day that I hadn't thought of yet. I might try to sway her into having it later just so we can clear viability day. I'm not entirely sure what her plans entailed but she mentioned renting a cabin (we live near Gatlinburg so the cabins are everywhere) but she might have been trying to catch it during an off season. I don't know. I'll need to talk to her. Thanks for your input though.

DaBearsFansWife · December 2014

chicagojackie said:

Chicago love for ya xx I wouldn't do it before 28-30 weeks, personally. Go for late April or May. My DD was born 10-28 and my showers were both in September.

I see your Chicago love and I raise you one Ditka

Thanks for the advice!

neverblushed · December 2014

I feel like 30 to 34 weeks gives a good 4-week span in which:

--it's known that the pregnancy is viable

--the MTB is visibly pregnant but not yet gigantic and uncomfortable

--the MTB is probably still several weeks from having the baby

--the MTB doesn't have to store tons of baby items and furniture for months before there's an actual baby to use it.

I wouldn't side-eye a shower that's as early as 28 weeks, though. And I think there are a few reasons to have it even earlier than 28 weeks:

--the MTB lives far away from all family and friends, and the shower will be in her hometown, thus must be held earlier so she can safely travel.

--the 30-34 week mark falls right around the holidays, and the hostess would like to do the shower earlier.

--the pregnancy is high risk and the MTB is likely to deliver early.

If your situation doesn't fall into one of these reasonable categories, I'd thank the hostess but say you're uncomfortable having a shower before the anatomy scan, just in case something goes terribly wrong in the second tri. If she offers to move the shower, great. If not, I'd let it go.

redheaded14 · December 2014

I voted SS because normally I would say early third tri, but I'm having mine the weekends before and after Christmas at weeks 21 & 22.

This is one of those SS situations because I live across the country from family and friends and won't be able to travel back home before our EDD. My hosts still wanted to do a shower, so early if is. I don't find the early timing ideal, but thought it very sweet that they wanted to do it on top of everything going on at Christmas.

Amstreagle · December 2014

Whenever your hostess suggests.

sunset30 · December 2014

I'm generally in the camp of it should be in your third trimester (so I guess between 25 and 30 weeks in your poll). As PP suggested, there are definitely circumstances where it makes sense to go earlier (multiples, the mom has to travel far to her hometown, holidays), but to me in the first half of your second trimester before the anatomy scan and V-day seem pretty early. Plus I'd feel like its sort of weird having a shower when you may not even look pregnant.

When to have a shower (Poll)

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