Relationship (Sex) issues.

cag11890 · December 2014

My boyfriend won't have sex with me. I work first shift, he works seconds so we don't get to see each other that often so when we do (maybe once a week) I obviously want to be with him. He won't even touch me anymore. He says its just because we're on different schedules but we have time he just chooses to sleep or hang out with his friends. It's REALLY taking a toll on me because this is my first and a surprise pregnancy. We didn't plan it and I'm scared he's going to ditch me. He SWEARS that's not the case but I can't help but feel that way. I just feel like we're drifting apart. I'm to the point where I feel like I don't want to be with him if we aren't going to act like a couple. It sounds extreme and selfish but we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed. We don't kiss, hug, cuddle. We rarely hang out partially because of our different schedules. I just want to know if I am freaking out for no reason and what I should do about it. I want things to be like they were before we found out. I just want my boyfriend back.

musictchr25 · December 2014

If you're in a mature relationship, and really want this to work, you need to be blunt and honest to your bf about how you feel. Ask him what may have changed in the last few weeks and why he is being distant from a physical standpoint. Don't be afraid to have this conversation with him, because that's the only way that you're going to get answers.

Is it possible that he's just not comfortable with the physical relationship now that you're pregnant? A lot of guys are afraid they are going to hurt the baby/cause you harm with physical intimacy. Just be aware that it could be something like that.

Karissa764 · December 2014

First I'm sorry you have all these feelings. Maybe he has his own emotions to work through. You said it was a surprise pregnancy so maybe he needs to adjust to the thought of fatherhood. I think it's a different emotional experience for men than it is women. Maybe the next time you guys have time to spend together you can bring it up to him in a way that is gentle. Maybe mention how you miss the snuggles hugs and kisses because it made you feel close to each other. Maybe if he knows how much it's bothering you he will do a little more. Be positive!

cag11890 · December 2014

He says it isn't Because of the pregnancy but I'm not 100% convinced. I've tried to have the conversation with him and he gets mad because he feels like I'm nagging but the convo never satisfys me, so we end it and I still don't understand so I bring it up in a day or so. we've been together 3 years this month. Lived together for two. And before now we would have sex 4 or more times a week. I'm three months tomorrow and we have done it twice since We found out. I could totally understand if he was just scared about the baby in there, but he says its not that. That we are just on different schedules. But it does t make sense to me. It never stopped us before.

Karissa764 · December 2014

Maybe him pulling back is his way of getting used to the idea of a baby. It can be hard for him to verbalize it. This is completely not the same situation at all I'm just using it as an example.. when we lost our twins sons due to preterm labor all I could do to cope was to lay in bed and cry. I didn't want to talk, eat or sleep. My dh on the other hand had to mow the lawn at least 5 times that week and build a fence we didn't need to keep him self busy. He liked being surrounded by people and he loved snuggling with me but I really just wanted to be alone. My point is it's a huge life change you are going through and your way and his way of accepting it can be on two completely different pages but you have to respect each others way and you will find your way back to each other.
Instead of talking maybe write all your worries down for him and he can read and digest it so he gets your whole point of view without you having to cut the conversation short because he thinks it's nagging ans gets defensive. Maybe he needs to see your whole point and think about it before responding. I hope I helped a little

CYBURRCHIC · December 2014

Your schedules have changed since, is there anyway to change them back? I have to say that I have a 2 1/2 yr old and my DH has a funky schedule so we are more sporadic as well. Typically he just has bad timing when I am exhausted. I know he feels the same way as you but there are times in a relationship that are just busy. Unless your gut is saying you think something else is going on, I would just be honest that you want to feel more connected and your not feeling that the way you want. I would leave it at that.

Jessica16393 · December 2014

My SO did the same thing for about a week. I was relieved since my sex drive has disappeared. But I started wondering what was going on. It was nice having freedom of being asked for sex every night but that is why I didnt want to. I felt it was the only way he was happy. Maybe you asking a lot is doing the same for him.

atj13ne · December 2014

There needs to be a talk. You have already gotten some great advice here. Sounds very frustrating, especially if seems to have time for his friends, and not for you. Make it clear how you are feelinf and then weigh his reaction. Good luck!

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