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May 2015 Moms
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can we talk about prenatal depression? loss mentioned

MoxyByProxyMoxyByProxy member
in May 2015 Moms
This is an odd thing to hope I'm not alone in and in many aspects I hope I am I guess. I'm not sure if I am asking for others feeling this way or support and a platform to vent.

To get started, I will be talking to my dr about it on the 22nd. Not sure what the treatment is but hopefully he wont give me the oh its just your hormones look.

I got my bfp when 3rd ds was barely 7 months old. Total shock. We had been intimate exactly twice and frankly we were careless partially because it took 10 years, 1 fresh cycle that ended in a blighted ovum and 1 frozen cycle that resulted in the loss of baby A to get E here.

A few weeks before I poas my sister found out she was pregnant. This was over the moon news since she has 2 adopted daughters and no biological children yet. The week I got my bfp she began having issues which ultimately lead to a loss.

I feel/felt so guilty. Don't get me wrong I will love this baby no matter what but I felt so undeserving and ungrateful. I also feel like a shit mom for having the thought at the time that if given a choice I would have traded her places. Not so that I wouldn't be pg, but so that she could. I have 3 beautiful ds already and I didn't receive my bfp with abounding joy and excitement.

I feel so disconnected from this baby. He doesn't seem real sometimes, and aside from my blump and still morning sickness don't feel pg at all.

I am weepy all the time and based on dr. Google I have suspicion that it is pnd. I just want to feel excited like I did a year ago I guess.

Ty for reading my vent
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Re: can we talk about prenatal depression? loss mentioned

  • SijustellaSijustella member
    Sweetheart :( I am glad you are going to talk to your doctor because this sounds like a tough thing to go through. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, work through it with your doctor and maybe even a psychologist. Sending love xx
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  • MoxyByProxyMoxyByProxy member
    Thanks I really appreciate it. :)
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  • HSTeacherHeidiHSTeacherHeidi member
    I could see how you would feel that way and totally get what you mean by trading her places. I'm sure your dr. will steer you in the right direction...sending thoughts and prayers for you and your sis
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  • JustMoiAgainJustMoiAgain member
    So sorry Hon! Although you are feeling sad, guilty and disconnected, it sounds like you have some really great insight as to what is going on with your emotions. The most important thing is that you are reaching out to your doctor, I would encourage you to try to get in sooner if you feel the wait until the 22nd is too long........Also, if you feel that your doctor is not taking your concerns as serious as you would like, do not hesitate to get a second opinion!

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  • masonsmomandmaybabymasonsmomandmaybaby member
    Don't beat yourself up. I'm sure you're under ALOT of pressure. I have 1 kid and get stressed you already have 3!!!! You're super mom! I totally understand you feeling bad for being pg. I've had 3 losses and got pregnant again right after my sil had her 1st loss. I've felt terrible my whole pregnancy. I just know she's hurting bc I've been there and I feel so bad for her. I think it's great you want to talk to your dr.
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  • manacitamanacita member
    What pp said about getting a second opinion if your doc dismisses you. If you have a doc that says 'it is just your hormones' you need a new doctor immediately.

    Also, I had terrible antepartum depression with my daughter. She is a rainbow baby conceived right after a 10 week loss. I had huge amounts of guilt for the loss, for her being alive because other baby died, and for being so awful to think those things. Aside from talking to your doctor and a counselor, can you get any sunshine? I live in Seattle (aka hell but rainy) and my ob sent me to the tanning bed for 5 min at a time, 3 days a week. I never got a tan but it changed my mental health completely. The hormones you release when exposed to sunlight, warmth, and the vibrations, combined with a huge dose of vitamin D from the sun, are amazing. I'm not saying to go give yourself skin cancer. But light therapy is what helped me get out of bed and keep plugging away.

    Good luck!
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  • MoxyByProxyMoxyByProxy member
    Wow ladies. Ty for the support. I so appreciate it.

    I've been chugging along for weeks feeling embarrassed and ashamed to say anything for fear it wouldn't be taken well. By anyone including dh or mom or even here.

    My sister is the one who suggested I google prenatal depression and even mentioned it could be related to late onset of ppd. She's been amazing and has assured me that it's ok and I wish I could take the words and run with them but bc she's my best friend and I want to spare her I have been hesitant to tell her any of it. So all in all I have kept to myself.

    I wish I'd had said something sooner to someone and I hope if another woman who might be having similar feelings reads the post and replies that it helps.

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  • samiamagirlsamiamagirl member
    edited December 2014
    I'm so happy you're seeking a referral from your doctor, acknowledging you need some kind of extra emotional help is a great start. I'm fully backing what other posters have said- if your doctor brushes this off as hormones and is not concerned and/or willing to get you help find another doctor or seek out a psychologist or therapist on your own.

    If you need a place to start I'd suggest checking out Jenny's Light. It's a group that promotes pregnancy and post partum depression awareness and resources.

    I've been pretty open on this board that I have Bi Polar 2 so if you need to talk or any sort of resource information please don't hesitate to PM me. I just moved to a new area in August and I'd been doing okay without a therapist (I've been off medication since we started TTC) but I had a couple of triggers last month and I've been experiencing bouts of depression. My OB is very concerned about my bi polar and is working with me, but just referred me to a support group and psychologists specifically for moms and moms-to-be at the hospital she delivers at. That's how I found out about Jenny's Light.

    I hope talking to someone can help bring you some peace. Like I said, I'm more than happy to offer up anymore advice or resources I have if you need.

    EDIT: to fix link
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  • CorryS12CorryS12 member
    So courages of u to share. I completely agree with PP. Sending lots of positive thoughts & prayers ur way.
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  • Ballet80Ballet80 member
    I am glad you are going to talk to your doctor. Do not feel bad because you got pregnant and your sister had a loss, that is not something you can control. I know because I would be that sister. It will work out for her, you just need to take care of yourself. I will keep you in my prayers.
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  • rivers714rivers714 member
    Any unexpected pregnancy regardless if it's miraculous or not, I think has some level of what your feeling. I definitely did. Looks like you're doing all the right things
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  • staccajayestaccajaye member
    PP have giving you the greatest advice. I don't have much more to add but just wanted to pass on a creepy internet hug, it take a lot of guts to write what you did and PND is very serious that I would be surprised if your doctor brushes you off, you need to make him listen, cry, and ask him for a referral.
    You can do this
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  • DawnLillyDawnLilly member
    @manacita‌ my doctor told me to do something similar. I had prenatal depression which I think was exacerbated by lack of vitamin D with my first pregnancy. I didn't say anything until I was 32 weeks last time. Right away this time I started taking 3000 iu vitamin D and I go to the tanner. I sit in a chair on the end of the bed and just put my legs in. I normally for for 15-20 min once a week.

    OP I really hope you seek help and start to feel better. Feel free to come here and write out your feelings at any time.
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  • tinalovescauliflowertinalovescauliflower member
    You're super strong to acknowledge that you need help, and I hope your doctor helps you find support quickly. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder as a teenager and have been dealing with depression and anxiety for so long. I'm always here if you need to PM someone! Be gentle with yourself- I know that can be hard, but if you feel like you have a litany of negative self-talk going through your head, try to rephrase things. I hope things get better. *hugs*
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  • hchellebellehchellebelle member
    Jenny's Light is a great resource! It was actually started by a partner at my firm in honor/memory of her good friend. From my own perspective I will say that you should not feel ashamed of the way you are feeling. I have a DD that I adore and did not have a need for any more. My DH wanted another and here I am pregnant with twins. I do not feel connected to them or excited. I am terrified and stressed about everything that is coming my way. I was open with my doctor about my feelings and it really went a long way. I am hoping that as things move forward my feelings will change because there is a lot of guilt associated with not feeling the way I think I should. It certainly helps to know that I am not the only one struggling.
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