My Intro.

staylucky · December 2014

Hello, ladies. I've been trying to wait to intro, but I really feel like I could use the support now. I had an u/s about 3 weeks ago and was measuring at about 5w6d when I should have been at 8w according to my LMP. There was the tiniest little flicker of a heartbeat, though, so I thought perhaps I just ovulated late. I had my follow up u/s this past Monday and there was no heartbeat. It had stopped growing 3 days after my first u/s. I was still having pregnancy symptoms (nausea, sore breasts, etc.) so it just felt especially cruel.

The doctor explained that I had experienced a missed miscarriage. She gave me the option of waiting for it to occur naturally, medication, or D&C. After talking to DH, I opted to wait 2 weeks so see if it would occur naturally, then have a D&C if it did not. So I'm basically waiting for my body to catch up. It's a terrible feeling. Now, on top of everything, I have this anxiety of where am I going to be when it starts? Work? At my DH's grandmother's funeral (She passed away this week as well. Great week.)? The grocery store? So I called the doctor and had it bumped up a week. The anxiety is getting the best of me, plus the sooner it occurs, the sooner I can begin the healing process. My pregnancy symptoms are going away now, but now I almost just hope I can have the D&C next Wednesday rather than have it happen naturally. I don't know. I keep going back and forth. I'm sad, I'm anxious, I'm angry, I'm scared. I cry in the car when I'm driving alone. I cry at night. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm angry at my body for not knowing what's going on.

Thank you for reading my post. Like I said, I was going to wait until I actually had passed everything to intro, but I just need some support now. This is hell.

ashleyann62215 · December 2014

I am so very sorry for your loss of both your baby and your grandma. I hope this process doesn't drag on for you. I chose to just do the D&C right away because I couldn't take the anxiety anymore and my pregnancy symptoms were alive and well so I can only imagine the anxiety and emotions that you are feeling. If you ever need anything just know you've come to the right place!

cherish1986 · December 2014

My body ended up passing my baby naturally. My MC happened really fast, once the blood started flowing out, a day prior, I knew it was about to happen.
Like the pp said, you're in the right place.
The one thing I'm not ready for is real life yet. How do you just start over? That's the hardest thing for me right now.
Remeber, it's okay to cry, scream and shout. The world is cruel and you're allowed to feel that way.
{hugs}

staylucky · December 2014

ashleyann62215 said:
I am so very sorry for your loss of both your baby and your grandma. I hope this process doesn't drag on for you. I chose to just do the D&C right away because I couldn't take the anxiety anymore and my pregnancy symptoms were alive and well so I can only imagine the anxiety and emotions that you are feeling. If you ever need anything just know you've come to the right place!

Thank you very much. Yes, they only do the d&c's on Wednesday, so it was either do it in two days or a week after that. Since I was so wishy washy, I now have to wait 6 more excruciating days unless it happens naturally.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby and grandmother in law *hug*

My MC happened naturally and happened quickly. I can't imagine having to wait every day not knowing when it will start.

I will let you know that MC's are hard and you never forget but it does get easier with time. You have to get through the MC in order to start healing both physically and mentally. I hope it happens for you soon.

Positive thoughts are being sent your way.

flyoffeve · December 2014

I am so sorry for your losses. (Hugs) Your feelings are normal and you are not alone.

staylucky · December 2014

Thank you all. I really appreciate the kind words.

I went back to work and, since I used the stomach bug as my excuse as being off, everyone was asking if I was sick because I'm pregnant. Talk about stinging. I just don't want to share this with them. They are a bunch of nosey rosies and I do not feel like being at the center of their gossip.

cherish1986 · December 2014

I was trying to do that too but my male managers all have big mouths.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@staylucky‌ sorry they asked you that. It seems like thats all I hear now a days. I post on FB that I want red velvet cake and at least one says "are your pregnant?" wtf, no.. I just want cake!

I stopped posting things like this, along with statuses if I don't feel well.

bumpuser10605721 · December 2014

Im so sorry for your loss. I had spotting for a week (the Monday I found out my beta's were low and by the friday they had dropped almost by half) once I knew I was for sure loosing the pregnancy, that weekend I anticipated things to fully happen, I had cramps and heavier bleeding that weekend, by the Monday it was much much heavier and by Tuesday I was in hospital with heavy bleeding +++ I had retained tissue and had a D&C. Im glad I took the time and at least went through a bit of the process because I think it gave me some grieving time but I was happy once I had the D&C because I knew then it was over.

Do what you think is best for you, based on your feelings, there is no right or wrong. Big hugs to you.

staylucky · December 2014

I had my D&C today. It was emotional, but went smoothly. I am relieved that the anxiety of walking around wondering when I will begin to expel is over. Hopefully, I can begin to heal now. Hopefully.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

I am sorry it was emotional but that's normal. I'm so glad it's over for you though. The mental healing will come.

So many *hugs* to you.

CMDD · December 2014

Im sorry the process was so drawn out for you- i know what it's like to wait like that and it can be so hard. Glad to hear that the procedure went well and you are at home healing. Take care.

imnotfancy · December 2014

@staylucky‌ I'm so glad you're on to the next step. I had my D&c on dec 5 and it still feels very fresh. It's hard waiting for my body to heal so I can start moving on. It feels like limbo... The entire process of mc. This feels like the longest week of my life. Just waiting. I hope you're pain level is low and you heal quickly from surgery.

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