Bi-Weekly Wine and Cheese Party

buggirl72 · December 2014

Hey ladies! It's that time again . . .

I'm on my way out the door, would someone else mind supplying the wine and cheese?

Smootiepie · December 2014

Welp, we are officially going through w/ IVF. I started BCP last week, start injects Jan 4th (which means I can drink thru Christmas and New Years

), and should have ER/ET the week of Jan 13th. A lot overwhelmed, but ready to get this show on the road. Mostly I just want to get past all the worrying I seem to be doing lately.

Non-TTCAL - We went to Mexico over Thanksgiving, and it was oh so amazing! Gorgeous weather, tons of relaxing/eating/drinking, and the most sex DH and I have had in a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGG time. Only downside was I broke my toe in a drunken stumble through our room on the last night :-S

blackbird818 · December 2014

and some extra wine bc I know my ladies

megrae12 · December 2014

Hey ladies. @Blackbird818 Thanks for the extra wine. I will need it!!

@Smootiepie IVF!! Yay!! FX everything goes smoothly, love. I am sorry you broke your toe but your trip sounds amazing. Good job on all the sex

@furrypaws ((Hugs)) lovey. I am sorry you are in a rough spot right now. I am right there with you. We can each get a bottle and commiserate together, ok?

AFM: Our first natural cycle was a bust, which was not surprising. What was surprising was the, "Hey, baby, let's talk about our plans for TTC in the future" talk H sprung on me on CD mother f-ing 1!! That talk ended in tears, unresolved and he wants to continue it at a later date. Sigh* I don't want to continue it b/c I don't want to hear it. He wants to take a longer time off meds. I get it. This year has been hell, the last 6 months have been pure torture at best. My RE suspects my endo may be coming back and if that is the case, I have no idea what that means. He won't do another surgery b/c I only have one working ovary and one tube and he can't risk them being damaged. I feel this huge time clock ticking down my TTC "life expectancy" as it were. I dunno how get out from under it. I dunno how to express that to H. He knows, I have told him several times, but he is so damn optimistic. Ugh! I just wonder if we are hurting ourselves more than helping by taking this extended break. H wants us to get back to where we were before our life went to hell. Well, I am not sure we can. I am not sure I will ever be the person I was, and I am ok with that. I need him to be as well. I just don't know, I dread when we have to talk again, and I dunno what to say that hasn't already been said. I mean, how many ways, can I tell my husband that I don't know how not to be a ticking time bomb? Perhaps he should talk to my uterus and its incessant need to spread cells where they don't belong.

Sorry this turned into such a craptastic post. Here are some treats for putting up with that craziness.

rubysi · December 2014

Hello Lovelies,

@buggirl72 How are you?

@Smootiepie Good luck with ivf. Your trip sounds awesome. Sorry about your toe.

@blackbird818 thanks for the treats

@furrypaws ((hugs)) I hope 2015 will be better for you.

@megrae12 ((hugs))

AFM :Sitting in the middle of my 2ww waiting for more hpt's to arrive and dreading the start of my work week. My Mondays are always miserable. The people I work with continue to forget it is just groceries.

skategirl128 · December 2014

@Smootiepie‌ Mexico sounds awesome! Sorry about your toe though. Good luck with ivf! @furrypaws‌ So many hugs, love! Hoping for a better 2015- that was a lot to deal with in one year. @megrae12‌ big hugs. I hope you and your h can be on the same page. This journey can be so difficult! More hugs! @‌rubysi I hope your 2ww goes quickly. Fx for you! @Kateisoptimistic‌ yay for a clear hsg! I hope the cramping goes away soon. @sarcaztic10‌ enjoy your break and enjoy your H! Big hugs! As for me I'm hanging in there. I was sick all last week and SO is currently sick. I'm also dealing with some tough family/emotional things (relating to my late-FI). Ugh. But, we are doing well and I'm so looking forward to the holidays. I've been baking up a storm! Big hugs to all of you lovelies!

Rachaeleigh · December 2014

Hi ladies :-) thanks for the check-in @buggirl72‌ . How are you?

@HoldingOutHope‌ yes, you're allowed to feel that way. I really do sometimes as well. I know my husband really wants kids and I worry more about not ttc, trying everything, and regretting it later. If that makes sense....need more coffee

@skategirl128‌ ((hugs))

@sarcaztic10‌ we're ntnp as well. It definitely takes a retraining of the mind

@Kateisoptimistic‌ congrats on the clear hsg!

@rubysi‌ that Damn 2ww :-( sorry your job is getting you down

@megrae12‌ more (((hugs))) about that cd1 conversation

@furrypaws‌ ugh, you've really had s rough one. Sorry, love. I'm glad that you have that vodka ;-)

@Smootiepie‌ many hugs and cheers for ivf. I know it's a mix if excitement but also fear and uncertainty

AFM: still plugging along with ntnp until jan 7th ivf 2nd opinion appt. I have no idea where im at cycle wise but did test this weekend. I was pretty down about the bfns. Crazy, I know. Im probably way too early anyway

rubysi · December 2014

@kateisoptimistic yay for the clear HSG

@sarcastic10 our bodies do like to take breaks every once in a while. I like your running on the treadmill, eating chocolate, and drinking plan. Where do I sign up?

@skategirl128 I hope the household feels better soon. What have you been baking?

@holdingouthope It is ok to feel the way you do. I am ready for the year to be done. I have lost weight during my work week because I have been too busy to stop and eat... I am so tired.

@Rachaeleigh Hi

Good luck with your 2nd opinion appointment.

@ktlovess Hi :-h

BookishMomma · December 2014

@buggirl72 thanks for the check-in and also for taking over with the TTCAL poll.

@smootiepie exciting that the start of IVF is getting so close for you! Enjoy those holiday drinks.

@furrypaws I'm sorry you've been having a rough time. This is a shit time of year to feel shitty.

@megrae12 We've been having a lot of those tough conversations lately, too. It sucks. But you know you're not alone. ((Hugs))

@rubysi FX for you! Have you broken out the HPTs yet?

@kateisoptimistic yay for clear HSG!

@sarcaztic10 I really hope that NTNP gives you the mental break you are looking for. It's so necessary to take a breather sometimes.

@skategirl128 I'm sorry you've been dealing with some tough family stuff. ((Hugs))

@HoldingOutHope looks like you and me are on the same plan: BA + Crinone after O. I feel about as confident about it as you can imagine.

@rachaeleigh sorry about the BFNs. Hope it's just too early.

@ktlovess thank you so much for helping out with your genetics expertise this week!

AFM, for anyone who didn't see my update on TTCAL, I had my MRI this week to check for structural issues. The report said that everything was normal and did not detect a septum. While that is good news, I have to admit that in some ways I was hoping to find something wrong so that I could have an explanation and a "fix."

We met with our RE after the MRI to regroup. He's not recommending IVF for us because he's not confident it will prevent another loss for us. He essentially is just recommending that we keep trying on our own, with Crinone after O and baby aspirin "if I want." He showed me this graph from some study that showed that, at age 35, even with 4 losses, I still have a 68% chance of a successful pregnancy.

DH has agreed to one more "try" (meaning one more pregnancy). After that, he wants to start looking into adoption, at which point we would also NTNP. If you would have asked me even a few weeks ago about adoption, I probably would have burst into tears. But I am moving closer mentally to seeing it as a real possibility. The one thing I am sure about is that we can't keep living in this holding pattern of hoping, waiting, grieving, then starting the whole thing over again.

edit- clarity

Rachaeleigh · December 2014

@ktlovess‌ adjusting to life with dogs is hard!We actually invested in a trainer. That was hard as well because of trying to line up our schedule for sessions and it was expensive. But, it was worth it and kind of ended up being kind therapy for us, especially in regard to communication differences

@BookishMomma‌ I replied to your previous update, but more ((hugs)) I hate not having answers. I do get a little hope when my RE reminds me that odds are still in our favor after 4 losses, but Damn, where's our baby?!

rubysi · December 2014

@BookishMama1012 I am sorry there were no clear answers for you. I find the unexplained to be very frustrating. Big hugs for you lady. To answer your question I have been waiting for a delivery from amazon but did break down and buy a test. Of course it was negetive at dpo12. I am guessing I am out... again.

BookishMomma · December 2014

HoldingOutHope said:

@bookishmomma ~ (((Hugs))) I hear you on the lack of confidence. I hate not having answers. I think we're both Type A planners/control freaks, right?

@HoldingOutHope‌

eta- tag

MrsG80inTN · December 2014

Hugs @rubysi!!!!

@smootiepie – I’m hopeful that things with your IVF cycle go well. I’ll probably be coming to you in a couple months to get insight into how it goes. We’ll likely be moving that way soon. YAY for Mexico.

@furrypaws – sorry AF was such a beast. I really hate her. I understand not being in a positive place. I think I need to try Cake Vodka… what are you mixing it with? I use the marshmallow vodka when I make super yummy Roasted Toasted Almonds.

@megrae12 – Hugs love. I’m here for you whenever you need (though I’ve been crappy at returning texts this week – sorry!). Can we however talk about the treats you posted?!?! I want ALL!

@katieisoptimistic – I’m so glad your HSG was clear. YAY. What all are you doing with clean eating?

@sarcaztic10 – I hope your NTNP time is actually renewing and good for you!!!!! I’m In the same place with my career and can’t figure out what I want to do just yet.

@skategirl128 – I hoep the sickies leave your house quickly!!!!

@holdingouthope – good for you for putting down the thermometer. I think it’s ok to feel like you’re ok without LO’s… my grandmother tried to talk me into that last month when we were visiting her in October.

@rachaeleigh – I hope your 2^nd opinion is good and the wait till that appt is short.

@ktlovess – Sorry things are so hectic with the puppy. I do love puppy breath though!!!!!

@bookishmomma – hugs – I know we’ve chatted some and no answers suck, but I’m glad you have a good RE who isn’t pushing a one-size-fits-all approach. I’m reading a book that makes me open to adoption, but my husband is not quite for it. Like @rachaeleigh I get hope in the percentages your RE shared with age and our losses, and also echo her “Damn where’s our baby?!?!” comment.

Hugs all around. Thank you guys for accepting me. I'm thankful for your support.

AFM - I need to call the RE and schedule a follow-up. We basically need to go to IUI or IVF and will likely try IUI once or twice just based on money before we move to IVF. I told my OBGYN that we were going to do IUI for my 35th bday and he was funny and said he was going to give me IUI but since I already planned on it he'd get me something else.

I don't feel like i have any answers after talking to the MFM, but I may be moving to one of the other RE's at the practice. I should've called a month ago, but just haven't... I'm procrastinating because it worries me to move forward... but at the same time it bugs me to not be pregnant and turn 35... catch 22. I will call today.

Thanks for listening and hugs to all.

BookishMomma · December 2014

@mrsg80inTN what is the name of the book you are reading? I'm reading Coming to Term right now. Someone on the TTCAL board recommended it. It is interesting and, if anything, it is helping me better understand some of the RPL studies that are out there. And swaying me away from pushing for any treatments that aren't empirically based.

@rubysi ((Hugs)) re: the BFN

edit- stuck in quote box!

MrsG80inTN · December 2014

@bookishmomma - I'm reading Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet... it's VERY religious based so it's not for everyone, but it is a woman's journey through infertility, loss of her father, and adoption. It's not for everyone, but I have found it very good so far. Of course I only read 1 chapter a night before i read a chapter of GOT. LOL

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