I'm scared to tell my family that I'm pregnant...again

shalyncross · December 2014

Hi all.

I'm looking for some advice/support. I recently found out that I'm expecting #3 and I'm terrified to tell my family.

They were supportive of DS #1 and kind of supportive with DS #2. Both of my grandmas advised me to get my tubes tied after after #2 because I "couldn't afford anymore kids".

On top of everything else, I broke up with DH and moved in with my grandma. We are working things out and plan on getting a place together again in the spring.

What should I do?

TessyMessy · December 2014

I'm sorry you are in such a heavy situation. TBH I wouldn't rely on a bunch of internet strangers to give you advice on this. You should seek out a counselor, friend/relative you can trust for help.

aRBe · December 2014

It's really hard to be helpful when I don't know your whole situation but since you put it out here.... I'd worry about working things out with DH more than announcing a pregnancy. Especially since you know that your family's reaction won't be favorable.
And honestly how do you "break up with DH" only weeks after having unprotected sex? Marriage isn't something to be lightly called off and on again.
Those poor kids need stability and making life decisions while pregnant isn't a great idea either.

MummyJade95 · December 2014

Im in the same boat, Im pregnant with #2 Im 19 and already have a soon to b 1 year old ! Scared of telling my family! Im going to try and keep it a secret as long as possible, deffo after I know the sex so maybe coming up to 30w if i can, im thinking of sending the pic of the scan and just say what gender im having, wont be able to do it face to face :L im a such a baby!

MarathonHiker · December 2014

TessyMessy said:

I'm sorry you are in such a heavy situation. TBH I wouldn't rely on a bunch of internet strangers to give you advice on this. You should seek out a counselor, friend/relative you can trust for help.

This. I do recommend counseling to work on your marriage. I can't really give advice since I've never been in this situation. But I hope it works out for ya.

DaisyZH · December 2014

I'm really sorry you're in such a difficult situation. My best advice is to hold your head high and try to figure out your situation as best you can.

As PPs suggested look into marriage counseling - a church or community outreach program may have resources to help you find free or low-cost options. I'm not sure why you broke up in the first place so I won't comment further.

Try to get your finances in the best place you can, set a budget, maybe figure out if you qualify for any assistance programs if you are very low-income.

You don't have to tell anyone yet. Take your time and try to take care of yourself and your kids as much as possible. Maybe things will stabilize a bit before you have to announce.

llw42614 · December 2014

MummyJade95 said:
Im in the same boat, Im pregnant with #2 Im 19 and already have a soon to b 1 year old ! Scared of telling my family! Im going to try and keep it a secret as long as possible, deffo after I know the sex so maybe coming up to 30w if i can, im thinking of sending the pic of the scan and just say what gender im having, wont be able to do it face to face :L im a such a baby!

If you are going to do adult things & put yourself in adult situations you need to act like an actual adult.
Take responsibility for your actions instead of "hiding".

kylakrys · December 2014

First of all, none of you know the situation with her husband. Sometimes a separation is one of the best things that can happen to a marriage. It helps to put things in perspective. None of you have the right to judge her marriage. That being said, I also know how amazing counseling can be for a marriage.

I'm in the same boat as you are. My husband and I went through a separation earlier this year. We're now stronger than ever and planned this, our 3rd, baby. My family wasn't supportive at all about the 1st or 2nd so I know this one probably won't be received well either but you know what? We're adults. It's our choice how many kids we want to have. My mom was an only child as was I and I think my family came to like that as the norm. I've always wanted a large family. I'll own that. They can either get over or not voice their negativity to me. I am waiting until 12 weeks to tell them though just because I know they won't be happy about it. I'm not going to hide it, but if they're not going to share our joy, there's no reason they had know before anyone else.

Good luck, Hun. I wish you the absolute best.

llw42614 · December 2014

If she doesn't want unsolicited advice from people who don't know her 'situation', then she shouldn't pan for internet gold on an anonymous forum. What are a bunch of strangers supposed to say?

Get your panties out of a wad.

eta:
STUCK IN YOUR BOX

kylakrys · December 2014

She never asked for marital advice. She asked for advice on how to tell her family. I'm sure your marriage is great, and congratulations on that. Really, that's awesome! I wish that all marriages were so simple.
She asked for support and instead the majority of what she found was some carry, hormonal, pregnant women who were more interested in tearing her marriage (that she's trying to put back together) apart.
So, nope, I think my panties will stay wadded. Thanks for your concern over the state of my undergarments though.

kylakrys · December 2014

You do seem to have a preoccupation with panties...

llw42614 · December 2014

kylakrys said:

First of all, none of you know the situation with her husband. Sometimes a separation is one of the best things that can happen to a marriage. It helps to put things in perspective. None of you have the right to judge her marriage. That being said, I also know how amazing counseling can be for a marriage. I'm in the same boat as you are. My husband and I went through a separation earlier this year. We're now stronger than ever and planned this, our 3rd, baby. My family wasn't supportive at all about the 1st or 2nd so I know this one probably won't be received well either but you know what? We're adults. It's our choice how many kids we want to have. My mom was an only child as was I and I think my family came to like that as the norm. I've always wanted a large family. I'll own that. They can either get over or not voice their negativity to me. I am waiting until 12 weeks to tell them though just because I know they won't be happy about it. I'm not going to hide it, but if they're not going to share our joy, there's no reason they had know before anyone else. Good luck, Hun. I wish you the absolute best.

kylakrys said:

She never asked for marital advice. She asked for advice on how to tell her family. I'm sure your marriage is great, and congratulations on that. Really, that's awesome! I wish that all marriages were so simple. She asked for support and instead the majority of what she found was some carry, hormonal, pregnant women who were more interested in tearing her marriage (that she's trying to put back together) apart. So, nope, I think my panties will stay wadded. Thanks for your concern over the state of my undergarments though.

kylakrys said:

You do seem to have a preoccupation with panties...

QFP

llw42614 · December 2014

kylakrys said:

She never asked for marital advice. She asked for advice on how to tell her family. I'm sure your marriage is great, and congratulations on that. Really, that's awesome! I wish that all marriages were so simple. She asked for support and instead the majority of what she found was some carry, hormonal, pregnant women who were more interested in tearing her marriage (that she's trying to put back together) apart. So, nope, I think my panties will stay wadded. Thanks for your concern over the state of my undergarments though.

1. The "What Should I Do" question at the bottom of her entire statement implies that she has questions about her ENTIRE situation.

2. How dare you, superior mind reader, try to imply that you as 1 internet stranger know better than the rest of us internet strangers what the OP is actually asking.

3. It was terrible for us to offend YOU by responding to another member!

kylakrys said:

You do seem to have a preoccupation with panties...

4. & YES, as a matter of fact, most of us do have an affinity for panties & more specifically keeping them un-wadded.

eta: word fix

kylakrys · December 2014

llw42614 said:

kylakrys said:

She never asked for marital advice. She asked for advice on how to tell her family. I'm sure your marriage is great, and congratulations on that. Really, that's awesome! I wish that all marriages were so simple.
She asked for support and instead the majority of what she found was some carry, hormonal, pregnant women who were more interested in tearing her marriage (that she's trying to put back together) apart.
So, nope, I think my panties will stay wadded. Thanks for your concern over the state of my undergarments though.

1. The "What Should I Do" question at the bottom of her entire statement implies that she has questions about her ENTIRE situation.

2. How dare you, superior mind reader, try to imply that you as 1 internet stranger know better than the rest of us internet strangers what the OP is actually asking.

3. It was terrible for us to offend YOU by responding to another member!

kylakrys said:

You do seem to have a preoccupation with panties...

4. & YES, as a matter of fact, most of us do have an affinity for panties & more specifically keeping them un-wadded.

eta: word fix

Let me address this point by point.
1. She already stated she was working on her marriage and trying to moving back in with her husband, so doesn't seem like she needed any advice in that situation.
2. How dare YOU be a hypocrite? That's what this entire forum is. She asked for advice. I just noticed a lot of women being rude to her not even based on her original question.
3. Oh honey, it takes a lot to offend me. But just as you "ladies" tore her down I just wanted to make people really think about what they were doing and whether it is really necessary to address the marital issue.
4. It seems to me that your panties are far more wadded than mine. Might want to get that checked out.

kylakrys · December 2014

She already stated she was in the process of trying to move out

llw42614 · December 2014

bibliothecary said:

BrassyClarinet said:

bibliothecary said:

BrassyClarinet said:

Nice day out.

Really? It's snowing here.

Snowing here as well, but not the 2 feet that other places are getting, so I consider it a win.

How lovely. As long as I don't have to shovel it, I'm fine with whatever falls from the sky.

I want snow too! :-(

pmcd886 · December 2014

BrassyClarinet said:

Nice day out.

60 degrees and windy. Much much warmer than the usual temp for December here.

TallMomma29 · December 2014

I agree with other PPs that you should not worry about telling your family right now and instead focus on fixing your relationship with your husband.

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