How to say no

babyforet · December 2014

My former quasi boss (helped her out with personal assistant type things) whom I stopped "working" for at Thanksgiving is asking me to do things while she is in Mexico this week. I like most women, have a really tough time saying "no". Took her to the airport at 4:30 in the morning Monday, Now she is asking me to check her mail and for her Amazon orders and check her voicemail daily, these things might be harmless for most people, but with her there are ALWAYS more tasks attached. For instance, if she gets a message regarding a property she'll want me to show it. Oh, I'm 37.5 weeks currently. I just feel like this is all asking too much!! She never spoke with me before she left about this stuff, whether I'll be paid or if this is a favor (I'm thinking the latter since she's too cheap to spring for a cab to the airport). I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, I mean she is barking orders at me from under a palm tree in Cancun and I'm sitting on my sofa and trying to walk as much as possible (you know, being away from a loo for too long at this point is hazardous!). Because she is, barking orders, she has not politely ask me to do any of this, she just says flat out "check my vm a few times a day, go by my house". "Not, If you feel up to it and are in the neighborhood would you mind.... " Help! I need to nip it in the bud and politely say "No, you're asking too much". Thoughts? I know some women work till their due date, but I specifically took these last few weeks off to spend extra time with my husband and get ready for our 1st. This was a bug surprise, we had only been married a month before you know what! hahahha

sarals24 · December 2014

Do you still work for her? I'm confused. You say former. If you don't work for her, why are you still WORKING FOR HER?

Also, send her an invoice for the services you've performed so far and see how she responds.

PS...I take issue that most women have trouble saying no. I have no problem saying no to things!!

amedbery · December 2014

I'd start with my tongue on the roof of my mouth and transition to where your mouth is in the shape of an "o".

Seriously - ask her if you are being paid and don't do a damn thing more until she says yes. She can't take advantage of you without your permission.

xc1148 · December 2014

Say "no"

Seriously you're using being a woman as an excuse, but a woman is giving you the orders. If you're not getting paid, or if you're on vacation, tell her. I would suggest an email just in case you need proof or if an issue comes up later down the road. But keep it simple and polite "given our relationship, I didn't mind running errands for you the past few weeks but now I am going to take full vacation so please find someone else. Thanks."

Serunatu · December 2014

Would you do the jobs she is asking if you knew you were getting paid or are you really not feeling up to it either way? You could tell her you can't afford to be doing tasks you aren't getting paid for at this point or you could tell her you really haven't been feeling well and would like to get as much rest as possible before you deliver. Normally I'm one to have trouble saying no as well, but pregnancy has turned me into a NO monster.

JCM285 · December 2014

I hate saying no too so I know what you mean. Can you set up an outgoing voicemail message saying that you are not taking business calls at this time because you are on maternity leave and do the same with your work email? I don't really get calls from my job but I get a lot of emails so I set up the "vacation message" about being on maternity leave and it has been useful for notifying people who just have forgotten that I left. Not sure what your relationship is like with this woman and if that would insult her, it might not be a good idea.

DoctorWorm222 · December 2014

I'm on board with the rest -- say no if you don't want to do it. Be clear about your expectation to get paid / not.

The only thing that concerns me is that it sounds like you said "yes" (either actively or passively by not saying "no") already. If that's the case, you might expect some frustration on her part b/c she thinks she's worked everything out with you already. Pulling the plug on something you've already agreed to do once she's in Cancun and can't do much about it isn't cool either. I'd still recommend that you tell her that her requests caught you a bit off guard and, given some time to think things over, you don't feel like you can manage. But in the future, put on your big girl panties and stand up for yourself in the moment!

MaineMama · December 2014

Get used to the word 'no' now. You're going to have a child And that word comes in super handy while raising said child.

ToriGirl2014 · December 2014

It sounds like you're confused and that might speak to why your "former quasi boss" is also confused about your current relationship. If you said no the first time, she wouldn't have asked a second, and a third, and a fourth time.

How about you just go with your own, self-given advice (bolded).

babyforet said:

My former quasi boss (helped her out with personal assistant type things) whom I stopped "working" for at Thanksgiving is asking me to do things while she is in Mexico this week. I like most women, have a really tough time saying "no". Took her to the airport at 4:30 in the morning Monday, Now she is asking me to check her mail and for her Amazon orders and check her voicemail daily, these things might be harmless for most people, but with her there are ALWAYS more tasks attached. For instance, if she gets a message regarding a property she'll want me to show it. Oh, I'm 37.5 weeks currently. I just feel like this is all asking too much!! She never spoke with me before she left about this stuff, whether I'll be paid or if this is a favor (I'm thinking the latter since she's too cheap to spring for a cab to the airport). I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, I mean she is barking orders at me from under a palm tree in Cancun and I'm sitting on my sofa and trying to walk as much as possible (you know, being away from a loo for too long at this point is hazardous!). Because she is, barking orders, she has not politely ask me to do any of this, she just says flat out "check my vm a few times a day, go by my house". "Not, If you feel up to it and are in the neighborhood would you mind.... " Help! I need to nip it in the bud and politely say "No, you're asking too much". Thoughts? I know some women work till their due date, but I specifically took these last few weeks off to spend extra time with my husband and get ready for our 1st. This was a bug surprise, we had only been married a month before you know what! hahahha

Beevol · December 2014

The super polite way to say "shove your demands where the sun don't shine" is "Oh, you know that I would love to but I just can't. Sorry, bye!"

If she's already made these demands and you were too shell shocked by her rudeness to say that in the first place (which is reasonable - when people act so outside the social contract it can take you by surprise), then you should contact her ASAP and say "With the new baby coming, I'm just not able to help like you hoped I would. Hope you're having a great vaycay! Bye!"

Notice the most important part of both of those statements is the "bye!" part. END THE CONVERSATION AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. You have a hard time saying no and this lady is used to taking advantage of that - don't give her the opportunity.

Cheekers2010 · December 2014

Beevol said:

The super polite way to say "shove your demands where the sun don't shine" is "Oh, you know that I would love to but I just can't. Sorry, bye!"

If she's already made these demands and you were too shell shocked by her rudeness to say that in the first place (which is reasonable - when people act so outside the social contract it can take you by surprise), then you should contact her ASAP and say "With the new baby coming, I'm just not able to help like you hoped I would. Hope you're having a great vaycay! Bye!"

Notice the most important part of both of those statements is the "bye!" part. END THE CONVERSATION AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. You have a hard time saying no and this lady is used to taking advantage of that - don't give her the opportunity.

Agree with all of this. Especially the part where I also sometimes don't know how to react when someone catches me off guard with an unreasonable request. Also, she sounds like a certain former boss of mine who had no filter and was a ridiculous micromanager. She was rude and demanding and ridiculous and I had a lot of trouble with her because she had no social sense. With people like that you need to act as @beevol said, be brief, be direct and keep the conversation quick.

ColeyCannoli · December 2014

I'm confused. What is your job and relationship to this person that she even feels this bold? Were you her personal assistant?

Whatever it is, you have rights and one is to say, "no" if you are not being paid. End this now while you can. Good luck.

drpayne · December 2014

Also confused. She's not paying you? And you can't say no? Grow a pair. Tell her you're taking time to relax before baby gets here. If you can't do that I don't know what to tell you.

Want a personalized experience?

How to say no

Re: How to say no

Choose Another Board

Search Boards