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December 2014 Moms
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Introduction and a question. Update in OP

thabs52thabs52 member
edited December 2014 in December 2014 Moms
Hi all I am very late to jump on the band wagon but I wanted to ask a question of random internet strangers to check my sanity.  I have been lurking a little bit in the past few weeks to see what some of you have had to say about your experiences and I will do my very best to not say or do the wrong thing!

I am 39 weeks pregnant, estimated due date is tomorrow actually so more like 40 weeks.  This is our first (human) baby!  We are having a girl and couldn't be more excited for the future!  We are hoping she will decide to come on her own but have an induction date set for the 16th due to medical issues that popped up in the past few weeks.  NO I am not here to ask how to get labor moving naturally ect if she is ready before we induce she will come if she is not I am happy to keep her in there till the Dr said she needs to come out for both of our health and safety!

So my question to all of you is regarding sick relatives.  I found out last night that my FIL, who can in form another state to visit, is sick and has been for well over a week before flying in to see us and did not go see a Dr in that time.  They plan on being here for her birth and seeing her soon after she arrives.  I don't want him to be around her being sick however and neither does my husband.  Under normal circumstances I would LOVE to have him around I am just fearful of the germs at this point.  My husband spoke to his mom about it last night (they are staying with my BIL and SIL) and she kept telling him 'well he doesn't have a fever' and then my SIL told me 'he can wear a mask'.  A few other things were said but those 2 bugged me the most.  I am not trying to be mean and I really do want all the family to be able to see her but I don't want to risk her getting the germs and I know that just because you don't have a fever doesn't mean you can't spread illness.  Am I being unreasonable/ hormonal/ crazy pregnant lady?  or is it a reasonable expectation to not want him holding her ect. when she is only a few days old? 

 I apologize for the long first post!  Thanks in advance for you honest opinions!

Update:  My MIL just called me and wanted to make sure I knew that they understand our concerns and fears.  She also wanted to make it clear that if he is not feeling better when she arrives they will respect our wishes and don't want to risk any of our health.  I feel much better about the whole thing now and very fortunate that she made a point to reach out to me to prevent me from worrying!  
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Re: Introduction and a question. Update in OP

  • CandaceC1020CandaceC1020 member
    Welcome! 

    Personally I don't think that you're being unreasonable.  You're going to have a newborn baby and the last thing that you need is that little girl getting sick.  You don't have to have a fever to spread cooties. 

    I think that you're going to have a battle on your hands ... no matter what someone is going to lose and have their feelings hurt. MIL/FIL might be upset if they're not allowed to come see the baby and hold her.  You and hubby will be upset if they come and contaminate your little one.

    Good luck mama. 
    Married on October 20, 2012.  Began trying in January 2013.
    RE appointment & testing December 2013 - February 2014= Unexplained IF, possible endometriosis
    IUI#1- March 22 (100mg clomid, 75 mg of Bravelle, Ovidrel trigger) = BFP!!!


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  • nedralynnnedralynn member
    CandaceC1020 said:

    Welcome! 

    Personally I don't think that you're being unreasonable.  You're going to have a newborn baby and the last thing that you need is that little girl getting sick.  You don't have to have a fever to spread cooties. 

    I think that you're going to have a battle on your hands ... no matter what someone is going to lose and have their feelings hurt. MIL/FIL might be upset if they're not allowed to come see the baby and hold her.  You and hubby will be upset if they come and contaminate your little one.

    Good luck mama. 

    Welcome also! And I agree with this exactly! I know I'm gonna make people angry because they are sick and I'm not going to let them see the baby.
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  • abenson3abenson3 member
    Welcome. Put your foot down. You're the mama, what you say goes. That being said maybe you could offer to FaceTime or something like that until his symptoms subside. My final suggestion, if keeping him away is going to create a family fued, is to Germ-X the h**l out of him, require a mask, and cover his clothing with a clean sheet from your home when he holds your baby girl.
    BFP#1 4/8/2012 DD born at 35 weeks on 11/10/12
    BFP#2 11/13, Ectopic diagnosed 12/6/13, Tube and Ectopic Removal 12/16/13 
    BFP#3 3/14, Natural M/C 3/18/14 
    BFP#4 4/18/14, heard heart beat (164) 5/14/14, EDD 12/25/14

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  • BrainCellSupBrainCellSup member
    Welcome! I agree, best to get started early with making socially uncomfortable stands on behalf of your child. Boundaries will be key, I'm guessing, and it's a challenge for me as well. 

    I had to tell my mom I want her to change her ticket since it looks like LO isn't going to appear by his or her due date next Tuesday, and she pushed back when I first suggested it so I made it clear that this was the expectation from the outset (and hence why she purchased the kind of ticket she did). We'll see what happens in the end, but all that to say, I survived and you will too!

    My DH's sister won't be able to get the flu shot until she's back in the country on Monday--I'm going to ask my doctor's recommendation on whether to limit her exposure to the baby in any way based on that timing.
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  • JCM285JCM285 member
    Welcome! Echoing other PPs' advice. I would not allow any sick people near my nb no matter what. What is he sick with exactly? I would urge him to go to the doctor ASAP since theres a good chance you have some time left before your baby is here. Maybe he will be able to get the proper medicine in the meantime. They should understand your position here. Good luck!
    Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

    BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

    BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

    Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

    John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


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  • thabs52thabs52 member
    edited December 2014
    Thanks for all of your input!  I know I needed to talk to someone other then my DH to know if I really am being hormonal!  No matter how crazy I am being at this point he won't tell me I am!  I am very glad and lucky that he is of the same opinion about it so we are 100% on the same side.  When he spoke to his mom he did suggest going to the Dr but the response was 'There isn't anything they can do its a virus'...how do you know its a virus if you don't see a Dr?? 

     @JCM285  I don't know really what it is I know he slept for 13 hrs last night has been congested, exhausted, and occasional nausea... Texted husband this morning and said he was felling better after sleeping so much.  Which is great and I hope that he continues to feel better and by the time she is here it isn't an issue.  If thats the case DH will be seeing him to make sure he really is better before seeing her though.
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  • sarals24sarals24 member
    Tell him your doctor said no visitors if they've been sick in the past week. And tell the nurses not to allow him in the room. The nurses at my hospital said they have no issues being the bad guys.
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  • xc1148xc1148 member
    Your job is to protect your baby, your FIL's minor illness could be a huge problem for a newborn that has barely developed lungs. Also a sick person should not be going to a hospital, let alone a L&D ward.

    You're going to have a lot of these "tests" going forward, so practice asserting yourself now. It's good your husband is on your side, since it's his family, have him say firmly "you're sick, you're not coming to the hospital or our house until thabs is ready." Don't cave on this, it's not a minor issue. 
    TTC since June 2011
    DH: perfect SA
    Me: 30, moderate endo, unexplained infertility
    IUI or IVF in December



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  • SerunatuSerunatu member
    Since I'm not in your position, I don't know what I would do. My dad would be so hurt if he couldn't see or hold the baby when she is born, so it'd be really hard for me to not let him at least be around. But I don't want anyone getting my newborn sick! Looks like he could possibly have 5 days to recover. If I had this timeline I would tell my dad he needs to see a doctor. Maybe they could give him some antibiotics or at least advice on how to recover. I'd also hope he is doing everything he can to heal, sounds like he is trying to rest so that's a good sign..I hope he is compliant with what you ask so things don't get messy-good luck!
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  • thabs52thabs52 member
    I think when it comes down to it he will respect what we ask but I am sure his feelings will be hurt.  Now that I have had chance to get it off my chest and vent a little bit I have decided to let my husband deal with it.  He knows where I stand and after we talked about it a little just now he doesn't want it to stress me out since that is the last thing the baby and I need right now.  The medical issues causing the need for the induction have to do with my BP and he doesn't want any outside stressors making my BP go up between now and the 16th.  So I will be spending the rest of the day snuggling with my big furry baby and drinking hot tea!  There are much bigger problems we could have this is very small in comparison and since DH and I are on the same side I need to just trust him to handle it and do what is best for the baby!  Thanks again for all of your input!
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  • aaron&coreyaaron&corey member
    Agree with the PPs. You're definitely not crazy :)
    Sounds more like the family members are the ones being kinda selfish... I'm glad your H is on the same page as you though, that'll make a huge difference! Hope you guys get everything worked out. Congrats and enjoy your last days with an inside baby!!

    Oh, and welcome :)
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  • DoctorWorm222DoctorWorm222 member
    edited December 2014
    katehgee said:
    Maybe if you explain to them that viruses can be fatal to newborns, and remind them that if your baby gets a fever she will be admitted to the hospital and get a spinal and IV antibiotics. The NICU nurses who took care of my baby for two weeks took this very seriously. I hope you can knock some sense into your FIL. Good luck!
    This. You may be sorry that you caused a fight in your husband's family, but you'll be sorrier if you newborn ends up in the hospital getting a spinal tap! Also, consider PICU instead of NICU -- IIRC, once the kiddo leaves the hospital (given they won't succumb to the bacteria/virus immediately), they don't get to go back to the NICU. They go to the PICU, fully stocked with sick older kids.

    FWIW, my dad was sick when my first daughter was born. He didn't touch her for about 2 weeks. Nobody had to tell him that you don't show up with cold/flu to snuggle a newborn. He's a grown ass man with common sense.
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  • kirstey728kirstey728 member
    Welcome!

    Your baby your rules. If they don't respect it, then that's their problem. It's a little harder to stand your ground against family, but it's better to be safe than sorry. :)
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  • CryssteenCryssteen member
    On the other hand, a mask and proper hand washing could be enough to keep baby safe. I would really want to know what exactly he has before allowing that though.

    I currently have an awful cold. I'm a germy, snotty, coughing mess. I and praying not to go into labor now. My induction is scheduled for 6 days from now. So... I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do...
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  • mlee116mlee116 member
    I agree with PP's.  I don't think you're being unreasonable.  I think that people who aren't around newborns very often don't realize how much more dangerous common sicknesses are for babies and they tend to brush it off.  

    If you don't feel comfortable, speak up.  He'll have plenty of time to see the baby and its just not worth it to put your baby or other babies at risk.  My BFF's one month old has the flu and it has been really difficult on them.  I'm like you in that I'm not taking any chances, hurt feelings or not.
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  • DoctorWorm222DoctorWorm222 member
    Go, MIL. So glad that it got resolve without a bunch of drama!
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  • CandaceC1020CandaceC1020 member
    Happy that this has a happy ending!  Your MIL sounds like a good woman!

    Married on October 20, 2012.  Began trying in January 2013.
    RE appointment & testing December 2013 - February 2014= Unexplained IF, possible endometriosis
    IUI#1- March 22 (100mg clomid, 75 mg of Bravelle, Ovidrel trigger) = BFP!!!


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  • BeevolBeevol member
    Adding my voice to the choir. Your baby, your rules. Period. The end. My hospital as a sign asking you to leave if you have cold or flu symptoms because what is a minor virus for an adult or even a child could kill an infant. Yes, those first few day are precious, but you know what? The baby wont remember them and if your LO doesn't meet his/her grandpa until he/she's a week old, it wont make a difference. 

    That being said, it could be a week before the baby gets here and he might feel better tomorrow morning and blah blah blah. I'd maybe give the pediatrician a call and get his/her guidance for your own peace of mind and also so that you can honestly say "the baby's doctor doesn't want you to hold the baby." I am pro-letting-the-doctor/nurse-be-the-bad-guy in these sorts of situations. 
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  • nedralynnnedralynn member
    Yay MIL#
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