WWYD: Announce amid family crisis?

DocTaco · December 2014

I'm curious whether people would lean one way versus the other on this. My Dad was recently diagnosed with cancer - renal carcinoma (kidney). We're all devastated and holding our breath while he waits to see a specialist. We won't know his prognosis until then, but may have a long road ahead. I'm feeling very hesitant to announce because I just don't feel like it should be about me at all right now. On the other hand, he's being very withdrawn and depressed (hard to watch your pops get like that, you know?) and I don't want to hold back if it would pull him out of his misery at all. So, WWYD? How do you think you'd handle such a fragile situation?

Emeraldeyed315 · December 2014

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I would definitely still tell your parents. This will be such a positive need right now.

squeakyfrog15 · December 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this! I would definitely tell your dad, and then your mom. He may want you to tell everyone!:)

BarefootContessa · December 2014

Something similar happened to a family member of mine. Her dad was diagnosed with throat/mouth cancer. It was very invasive. He became withdrawn, depressed, etc. She decided to tell he and her mother that she was expecting. She said he got tears in his eyes and promised to be there the day the baby was born- and he was.

I think it's a great motivator. I would tell your parents.

DocTaco · December 2014

Thank you for the well wishes ladies, I really appreciate it. I do like the idea of telling him first and letting him decide. Would you wait a bit though? I'm still fairly early - Would it be worse if I told him soon and then had a loss later?

JennyJensing · December 2014

mischiefmama said:

I would still announce, but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Just tell your parents outright, no balloons or surprises (more than just the phrase "We're pregnant").

This. Sometimes good news can provide a bit of hope in times of despair. Good luck!!

lifeisgood27 · December 2014

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I hope he gets to see a specialist soon!
I would talk to your parents for sure about it. Let them share the happy news their way, if they'd like. Like others have said, it could bea motivator, anda very welcomed distraction.
I wouldn't suggest a major production. Just a simple sincere conversation with them.
I hope for good news for your dad, and your family. T&ps

SlurpeeLove · December 2014

My father had muscular cancer a few years ago. He's in remission, thank God. I sincerely hope your father is as lucky.

As for what I would do: I would pull him aside and tell him first, privately. Let him know that you were planning on announcing, but wanted his opinion on whether he felt it was an appropriate time. If you need to talk, message me.

firsttimemommy0715 · December 2014

First off I want to say I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, it is always so very sad to get news like that and I will be thinking and praying for your family. I do think that sharing the baby news would be good for everyone; new life is always very exciting. My husband and I actually shared our news with his parents the weekend his grandfather passed, we considered waiting even longer but knew they would enjoy hearing the good news amongst all the sadness. Good luck!

dancingbelle · December 2014

I agree with the other ladies here. I am so sorry that you and your family are dealing with this. I like the idea of sharing with your dad (or maybe mom and dad) privately and letting him decide.

You had asked about letting them know too soon. When is your first appointment? (I see your ticker says your at 7 weeks.) I would consider waiting until my first appointment, but I will say that I told family almost immediately.

OctoberStars · December 2014

I'm so sorry about your dad. I hope his prognosis turns out okay. I agree with everyone else that you should tell your parents privately and ask them for guidance for how to announce. Whenever my parents are feeling down about something I know making them feel like parents (ie me depending on them) brightens their mood. Even if you don't need advice from your dad, I bet he would feel great that you trusted your secret with him first and wanted his opinion on how to proceed.

Mamamads · December 2014

So sorry you are dealing with this. I think sharing your good news could help lift his and everyone's spirits. It's not making it about you so much as sharing the news and I bet your family would welcome the change of subject.

MisSmartyPants · December 2014

I would tell your parents. The hope and joy of expecting a grandchild might bring him back a little, and give him extra strength to fight the illness. T&p your way!!

Bodoni · December 2014

I'm so sorry about your dad. T&P's for you guys and a full recovery.

As for telling your parents the news, I would. I think it would be a pleasant distraction for them right now.

traceyos · December 2014

Andindria said:
I would talk to your Dad alone first of all, I'm sure he would be thrilled to hear the news. I'd leave the decision up to him. More than likely he would want some focus off of him so he can process everything with some time to breathe as well.

This post just made me cry. Pregnancy hormones. So sorry you are going thru this. I agree with telling dad privately first and seeing his reaction.

c-elizabethf · December 2014

First off I just want to say I'm so sorry about your dad. I would also talk to your parents first, that could cheer him up. I'm really sorry and I'll be praying for your father.

KatrinaPR · December 2014

I agree with everyone that this will probably help to cheer him up during this difficult time. I know it lifted my father's spirits. Praying for him!

DocTaco · December 2014

@dancingbelle my first appointment was Monday. Everything looked good with baby measuring right on track and the heart rate in normal range. I was wondering if I should wait until 10 weeks because I read a statistic about the likelihood of m/c dropping to less than 2% at 10 weeks with a detectable heartbeat (my next appt is around then).

@mischeifmama I am sorry to hear about your FiL. It can be difficult to be the strong, supportive spouse when you feel sad yourself.

@shopgirl921 I hope your father is well these days. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and kind words. I didn't think it would be so one sided! Maybe my real hang up is that I just don't feel right being happy right now. I'll see my folks this weekend for DSs birthday party, so that might be a happy opportunity to speak with them privately.

tmorash · December 2014

So sorry to hear about your dad. My father was diagnosed with cancer several years ago and it was, of course, a very difficult time. He has recovered though, and has gone over five years now with good reports, so try to stay positive.

I would agree with most other PPs here: I would tell mom and dad privately first, but I think it would be a great and uplifting piece of news. As for the timing, if I were you I think I'd wait a few weeks longer, but that's just me. As with other circumstances, I think it's important to share the news whenever you're comfortable sharing it, and of course that will differ from person to person.

expletive baby · December 2014

I'm so sorry about your dad. I found it was helpful for my family during some rough times last year to have the kid around, even if it was a hassle. Granted, that's a kid, but the news of your pregnancy and becoming a grandpa may be just what your dad needs to pull himself out of this hole. Thinking of your family.

melanie1422 · December 2014

Not that its the same at all, but my dad was recently laid off after 30 years with the company - & 2 years til retirement. He was pretty miserable. Knowing about his impending first grandchild has cheered him up some. I'd definitely tell them - it gives them something nice to concentrate on.

TeresaWE · December 2014

I'm sorry about your dad's diagnosis. I hope things go well for him. This is wonderful news to share with Dad, a positive to hold on to.
I agree that sharing the news with him first and privately is a great start.
{{{Hugs}}} to you.

ifwisheswerefishes · December 2014

We announced DD's impending arrival in the fray of my grandmother's third foray into brain cancer. It was a welcome joy that we all needed, and it gave my grandmother something positive to focus on through the treatment. She lived until Marian was almost two. It was a precious time and the entire process was a needed distraction.

BlackbirdScraps · December 2014

My MIL had life-threatening surgery scheduled the week after we found out I was pregnant. DH & I went back and forth about if we should tell her before her surgery or not. We wound up waiting till after, and she was actually kinda mad. She said she would have liked to have known to have something positive to focus on. Not exactly the same as your situation, but similar. Also my FIL is fighting a pretty tough cancer right now (multiple myloma) and when we told him he said he was glad to have another thing to fight for, how he had to at least make it till July. I wish you the best!

wells2010 · December 2014

We haven't really told many people yet. My DHs grandmother is in hospice. DH told her- she is pretty delirious so not sure what she heard or didn't hear. He also told his grandfather who is with it, but can't really speak after his stroke. It made them happy to see our DD and definitely his grandfather is excited for us.

We also just found out SIL probably can't have kids, so we are being a little cautious telling people.

I think sometimes people need to hear good news just to know that there is still good in the world when they are going through something tough.

mtosmamma · December 2014

My DHs grandma died on thanksgiving, the day we had planned to tell. We had a picture with her name on it and everything ready to go. We were on our way to see her when we got the call she was enroute to the hospital with no pulse. We still told his family since we had just been with mine and told them but we did it later when things had calmed down a bit.

We are lucky. My dad is a funeral director and is taking care of her so we asked him to put her picture with her. He put it on her heart and had it cremated with her.

Chasity08 · December 2014

PPs have given great advice that I agree with. I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am about your dad.

traceyos · December 2014

@DocTaco‌ I've been thinking about you. Have you told? If so, how did it go?

DocTaco · December 2014

traceyos said:

@DocTaco‌ I've been thinking about you. Have you told? If so, how did it go?

You are so sweet to ask! Things got screwy at the party and the moment never felt right. I have an appointment this Friday. I'm thinking if everything still looks good I'll tell them this weekend.

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