Living Will?

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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[Deleted User] · December 2014

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sschwege · December 2014

I never had to fill out living will information, but I wouldn't have a problem with it if the papers were presented to me. We do however, have a last will and testament. I can't imagine why a parent wouldn't have those documents drawn up!

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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[Deleted User] · December 2014

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Josie400 · December 2014

Wills and living wills are very important. Death has nothing to do about age or predictability, which is exactly why it's important to have everything written out and discussed with others.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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[Deleted User] · December 2014

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janda426 · December 2014

bbw5292 said:

Idani said:

Tell him he is about to be a parent and he needs to grow up. Adults and parents do things and have conversations that are uncomfortable. It's best to be prepared for the worst. No one wants to think about the fact death could happen but the fact is it could at anytime.

Is that what you would say to your husband or boyfriend though. I'm worried that telling him to grow up when I'm not sure what the issue is may cause some unnecessary issues.. and with only 7 weeks left that worries me. I do know what you mean though. It took me a little while to let it sink in, but I want it to be easy, and taken care of if something does happen to me.

--end quote--

Yeah. That's exactly what I would say to my husband. I HAVE said that to my husband. I'm sorry you can't feel free to openly discuss these things with your SO.

jennypolkadots · December 2014

We made a living will and traditional will way before considering having children. We have all sorts of responsibilities (financial, pets, soon to be baby, etc.) and feel better knowing there is a document that clearly states our wishes. It actually gives me a huge sigh of relief knowing if something awful happened to DH I could carry out his wishes without having to fight his family about every decision. He feels strongly about no resuscitation if he is vegetative, cremation, and organ donation... things that his family would be upset about. I can't even imagine my emotional state if something happened to him, then also needing to make hard decisions? That would be just awful icing on an awful cake. I also can't stand the idea if something happened to both of us (car wreck for example) there not being a plan for dealing with our finances and our beloved pets. The whole thing will get revamped after the baby comes - with very important information about who we would wish to raise our child if we couldn't. That is a traditional will though, but still relevant. You need to have both!

Perhaps explaining the importance from this perspective? That a living will is really made for the loved ones that are faced with difficult decisions if something were to happen.

I agree with others - if making a will is bugging him out he has a lot of growing up to do in the next 7 weeks.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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[Deleted User] · December 2014

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janda426 · December 2014

bbw5292 said:
I'm not going to deal with people telling me that I have bigger problems if I can't talk to my DH. I am perfectly capable of having a serious conversation with him.. He's afraid of death or something... and that is in no way shape or form immature... Some people just don't know how to handle it. I'm not going to ask him to grow up because he's scared to talk about something that could potentially happen. I need people to respond to this post that can understand that attacking him is not the best way to go about this. I need a support system that is willing to tell me hey, maybe if you said "this" it might help him understand how serious and important it is to discuss it.
Thank you.

You won't be getting a support system here after the way you act. You pretty much blacklisted yourself. Good job

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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janda426 · December 2014

Good luck interacting with those people after you get banned

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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[Deleted User] · December 2014

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Cleto2007 · December 2014

bbw5292 said:

I'm not going to deal with people telling me that I have bigger problems if I can't talk to my DH. I am perfectly capable of having a serious conversation with him.. He's afraid of death or something... and that is in no way shape or form immature... Some people just don't know how to handle it. I'm not going to ask him to grow up because he's scared to talk about something that could potentially happen. I need people to respond to this post that can understand that attacking him is not the best way to go about this. I need a support system that is willing to tell me hey, maybe if you said "this" it might help him understand how serious and important it is to discuss it.
Thank you.

Death is a scary thing, maybe he didn't realize that your life or the baby's life could be at risk. You know your other half better than anyone. Try having your OB talk to him(with you there) or share your concerns/fears as well about the delivery.

I have a Will already drawn up, ever since I got deployed I have had one, so I didn't have to have the living will when my first was born. But when I did find out I was pregnant with my first my mom was the one that suggested I update my will. One day all the grandparents and myself and the hubby got together and discussed what we would want in the event that something happened to me. In that discussion we also wrote up my husbands will, because he came to realize that we might not "go" together.

In my case, having the family there helped too because they too would be effected.

Hope this helps! Good Luck!

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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PrimRoseMama · December 2014

bbw5292 said:
Did anyone else get a little bit of anxiety when your doctor gave you the paperwork for your "living will"? I think it put my boyfriend a little on edge too? I feel like I may be a little immature about this specific topic because we are now currently arguing about me dying???!!! It's a tad bit ridiculous if I may say so. I'm just wondering if any of you other lovely ladies got concerned about birth when you received this. Or if it caused any unnecessary stress for you first time mommies.

It's not ridiculous. It's prudent.

Real life is not always sweet little clouds of sunshine & light.

We have wills & advanced medical directives on file with our attorney. We also have guardians outlined & $ set aside for upkeep should my husband & I pass at the same time.

If you have no plan, will or directives your kids go into Foster Care until the courts decide what to do with them. It's not a cake walk.

Time to grow up.

PrimRoseMama · December 2014

bbw5292 said:
I'm not going to deal with people telling me that I have bigger problems if I can't talk to my DH. I am perfectly capable of having a serious conversation with him.. He's afraid of death or something... and that is in no way shape or form immature... Some people just don't know how to handle it. I'm not going to ask him to grow up because he's scared to talk about something that could potentially happen. I need people to respond to this post that can understand that attacking him is not the best way to go about this. I need a support system that is willing to tell me hey, maybe if you said "this" it might help him understand how serious and important it is to discuss it.
Thank you.

Do you always tell folks how to respond to you? It's not a personal attack to tell your H to grow a pair & deal with the facts of life.

My husband initiated this type of conversation when I was pg with my daughter. I was sad at the idea & it's never pleasant to discuss one own's mortality. However, I'm a big girl & got over my own hang ups to do right by my kids. It's not about him, you or your precious feelings.

It's about outlining a plan to take care of your kids in the event that both of you meet an untimely demise. Whether it be by accident, crime or disease. It's just good parenting.

Amstreagle · December 2014

bbw5292 said:

janda426 said:

Good luck interacting with those people after you get banned

just like i said before.. as long as I'm not calling names... getting banned is not going to happen. You know why...? because at this point, i am doing what all of you are doing to everyone else...ignoring they're question/ comments and being rude. So If i get banned i will make sure i bring all of you with me

Is that a threat?
It sure sounds like one to me.

PrimRoseMama · December 2014

Lol that she thinks any of us are going to get banned with her.

)

schnitz9 · December 2014

Ok I'm going to put my $.02 into this thread (not for the OP who went BSC on her other thread but for others reading who might be in the same position.) Here's a true story for you think over.

I lost my BFF when we were both 26 years old. She died of colon cancer. Like others have said, just because you are young doesn't mean you are immune to death. Life insurance is KEY. Everyone should have it. My friend was sick for 6 months and was in the hospital the entire time. She did not have a will or a living will and every time she had a procedure done she had to sign a DNR. Had she had a living will she could have put that in there and she wouldn't have had to sign it everytime. He hospital bills after she died were also over 1 million dollars. You would be shocked at what insurance does and doesn't cover. Luckily her DH was able to get many of the bills paid for by charities and written off. But there were still almost $100,000 of bills that he ended up needing to be responsible for. Her funeral and wake and burial fee were also huge you would never realize. When she died she had not cemetery plot or anything like that so her in laws donated theirs. These are all things that life insurance can pay for. He husband was then responsible for all the bills on his own that he was used to having 2 incomes pay for. Had they had children he would have to take care of them on his own as well. Even with a sudden death there are huge costs as well. Having something in place is more of a peace of mind in my eyes. Since I saw it first hand I would never wish that upon anyone.

jess9802 · December 2014

As an estate planning attorney, I absolutely believe that all adults should at least have a will, advance directive (living will), and power of attorney. If you have children, it is also very important that you name a guardian for your children in your. No, your kids won't end up in foster care if you don't have these things, and no, the courts are not bound by the guardian appointment you make in your will, but they do give great deference to those appointments.

It can be hard talking about death, and believe me, I have lots of clients who feel paralyzed or anxious by the process and aren't sure what to do. My job isn't to judge them for feeling this way, but to give them information and encouragement to give the process some thought and get it done. The comment I hear most often after they've finally executed their will, POA, and AD? "I'm so glad I have taken care of this. It was really weighing on me."

jennypolkadots · December 2014

I think it's very natural to be weirded out about death. But it's a fact of life - literally everything living will die one way or another. I try to see it as a natural beautiful thing, which is easier when you think of the birth of a new child. There are a million topics that are uncomfortable to talk about but necessary in a partnership. So yeah, your boyfriend needs to learn not to avoid uncomfortable conversation... you know, because that is just what adults do.

Back about a month ago I was feeling really anxious about the upcoming birth and the possibility of me not making it. The idea of my husband being on his own to raise our child is probably the saddest thing I can possibly imagine. He's my best friend. But ya know, even though it is rare it really does happen... the CDC says about 650 women die each year during pregnancy or childbirth. The number would be way higher for those permanently injured (high medical bills! Loss of income, etc.) It would be straight up dumb to not have life insurance and a plan in place when you're bringing a new life into the world.

As far as being liable for the medical bills and other bills of a deceased spouse, it depends if you life in a community property state. We don't, so that was a consideration when choosing life insurance coverage. Community property states are AZ, CA, ID, LA, NV, NM, TX, WA, and WI. Sometimes Alaska depending on the debts. Medical bills can be insanely high, but you are also responsible for any loans in their name - student debt, cars, credit cards, etc. When going through such a traumatic time, I can't even imagine also having to think about money.

mamamedeiros1 · December 2014

A living will may not be sufficient, but it is a start. If you die without a will, the state that you live in has a will for you. It is administered by the probate courts of your state. It is set up to determine the flow of your assets. Some of your assets (including any retirement accounts and life insurance or annuity contracts with a specific beneficiary) will not be controlled by a will or by the probate courts. If you have your own will, the probate courts will use it to determine what your wishes are regarding your assets and, most importantly, what you'd like to have happen to your children if you've included your selection for legal guardian. A will is contestable, which means that people can argue against it in court. It is a very public process, and your debtors (or people who claim to be your debtors) can come out of the woodwork and demand payment for debts outstanding. If you are truly concerned about being sure that your assets are distributed per specific instructions, and you'd like the affair to be as private as possible, I'd recommend a simple trust. A trust is a legal entity that you create to take ownership of your assets. It is administered out of probate courts and out of the public eye. If you, for instance, have a life insurance policy and want your children to be the beneficiaries of those policies, remember that if you pass away before they turn 18, insurance companies are REQUIRED to hold the money in a cash account for them until they reach the age of majority. This means that the money cannot be accessed, FOR ANY REASON, to help raise them. Your best bet, if you don't have a trust, is to name their adult guardian as your beneficiary, so that they may access the funds to help raise your children in your absence. This does pose the problem: there is no oversight as to how the money is spent. They could blow it and put your kids in the basement. More likely, they may not know how to properly manage their new found money and it may end up getting used for things you may not want. If you only have a small amount of assets, this may not be a big deal. Money spends fast. If you've only got a small life insurance policy, a will and a trustworthy guardian should be sufficient to be sure that your assets go as far as they can towards helping with your kids. HOWEVER, if you're smart (like I know all you mommies are) and you and your partner are heavily insured (now that you've got at least 18 years of financial responsibility for another human being or two) like I know you are, it's a great idea to call an attorney (or use your free legal benefit from your employer) and set up a basic trust. In it, you determine not only who raises your children, but separately (if you like) who manages your money, how much they get and when they get it. You can determine exactly how your money is spent to be sure that your children are provided for according to your wishes. It's got oversight and is incontestable. Meaning: no one can argue against it. We've decided to have my brother and SIL raise our child if we both get hit by an asteroid. But my parents will be the trustees of the trust, and will manage the money that will go towards raising our child/(ren). This means that my brothers family will be provided for per our wishes, but he won't have access to all the money at one time, reducing the risk of misappropriation of funds. I know this answer is long, and not entirely what you asked, but I thought that perhaps a little more knowledge about the process might make it easier for you all to have the conversations with your partners and family members. I know death is difficult to talk about, but if you do it right, you only have to have the conversation once. Then it's done, and you can stop worrying about it.

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