How to Say 'No' to Holiday Invitations - Still Standing Article

buggirl72 · December 2014

Since we are in the midst of the holiday season this article seemed particularly on point. I really liked the message that it is okay to say no and that you have that power and that right.

"How to Say 'No' to Holiday Season Invitations"

CC1017 · December 2014

I want to say "no" to my own Christmas party. We always have an annual Christmas party and it's a really big deal to my DH. It was already planned before our loss and it's important to him to still have it - we have to "keep on truckin." I think I may just get really drunk and hide. Who wants to drink with me this Saturday?

BookishMomma · December 2014

CC1017 said:

Who wants to drink with me this Saturday?

You know I'm game.

VaBarnet · December 2014

Good Article! Thank you for sharing!

buggirl72 · December 2014

CC1017 said:

I want to say "no" to my own Christmas party. We always have an annual Christmas party and it's a really big deal to my DH. It was already planned before our loss and it's important to him to still have it - we have to "keep on truckin." I think I may just get really drunk and hide. Who wants to drink with me this Saturday?

I think you need to sit down and have a heart with your DH about your feelings on this. While respecting his feelings is good, it's complete bullshit that he is ignoring yours.

You are less than a month out from your loss and to expect you to "keep on truckin" so you can throw a holiday party is selfish. If there is zero chance of cancelling the party, make sure you plan an "out" for those times when it gets to be too stressful. That's fine if he wants to pretend everything is okay, but you don't have to. If you need to step away and go have some quiet time in your bedroom or someone where else, he needs to support that and be prepared for it.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@buggirl72, this is such a great article, thank you! I am so screwed this year though. We are about to go to northern VA to be with his family this holiday season and when I say "be with" I mean we are staying at their house...for 15 days.

His mom and his dad had taken off the week after Christmas because they were planning on coming down here since I would have had the baby from my second MC around Nov 13th. So...now they have a whole week off and are going to want to do all kinds of things. I am not sure I will be able to say no.

@CC1017, I will so be drinking with you Saturday. I am sorry you have to go through with that if it's something you truly don't want to do *hug* Have you asked your H if he's ok with skipping it this year?

CC1017 · December 2014

buggirl72 said:

CC1017 said:

I want to say "no" to my own Christmas party. We always have an annual Christmas party and it's a really big deal to my DH. It was already planned before our loss and it's important to him to still have it - we have to "keep on truckin." I think I may just get really drunk and hide. Who wants to drink with me this Saturday?

I think you need to sit down and have a heart with your DH about your feelings on this. While respecting his feelings is good, it's complete bullshit that he is ignoring yours.

You are less than a month out from your loss and to expect you to "keep on truckin" so you can throw a holiday party is selfish. If there is zero chance of cancelling the party, make sure you plan an "out" for those times when it gets to be too stressful. That's fine if he wants to pretend everything is okay, but you don't have to. If you need to step away and go have some quiet time in your bedroom or someone where else, he needs to support that and be prepared for it.

We have talked about this. He knows I have zero interest in participating in this party. He told me he understands if I don't want to be there. We have very different grieving styles and his way is to keep busy and do stuff. I'm sure I'm going to be SUPER socially awkward, so I think it will be pretty easy for me to slip away, because no one is going to want to talk to my crazy ass.

buggirl72 · December 2014

CC1017 said:

buggirl72 said:

CC1017 said:

I want to say "no" to my own Christmas party. We always have an annual Christmas party and it's a really big deal to my DH. It was already planned before our loss and it's important to him to still have it - we have to "keep on truckin." I think I may just get really drunk and hide. Who wants to drink with me this Saturday?

I think you need to sit down and have a heart with your DH about your feelings on this. While respecting his feelings is good, it's complete bullshit that he is ignoring yours.

You are less than a month out from your loss and to expect you to "keep on truckin" so you can throw a holiday party is selfish. If there is zero chance of cancelling the party, make sure you plan an "out" for those times when it gets to be too stressful. That's fine if he wants to pretend everything is okay, but you don't have to. If you need to step away and go have some quiet time in your bedroom or someone where else, he needs to support that and be prepared for it.

We have talked about this. He knows I have zero interest in participating in this party. He told me he understands if I don't want to be there. We have very different grieving styles and his way is to keep busy and do stuff. I'm sure I'm going to be SUPER socially awkward, so I think it will be pretty easy for me to slip away, because no one is going to want to talk to my crazy ass.

Good. Lots of ((((hugs)))) and I'm glad he is on board with letting you slip away.

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