Husbands/Significant Others and the Bump

catvaughn5002 · December 2014

Does your husband/significant other know that you are active on the TTCAL board? What is his/her opinion on using this board to give and receive support? My DH was wondering what I was doing the other night so for the first time I told him about this board. I have been active for a little over one month. He didn't get angry but I suspect maybe his feelings were a little hurt. His reply was "why talk to all these people you don't know when I'm here"? I love coming to the board for support and being able to possibly help ladies that are currently in the same situation or have been in the past. Sometimes I just don't feel that my DH can accurately understand how emotional I can get even this far out after my loss. Any thoughts or feelings you all would like to share? I have been thinking about this for a little bit and wanted to start a discussion.

edit: grammar and spelling

rubysi · December 2014

I think my DH doesn't know who long or how much I am on TB. But he knows I am on and even helps me find siggy challenge images. He really doesn't know how to express himself about the loss and fears to upset me so I think he likes that I get support here.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

I am pretty sure MH is ok with the fact I am on here to get support and I talk to him openly about it.

Sometimes I am not sure if he's ok with the amount of time I am on TB while we are sitting on the couch together lol

Km380 · December 2014

Mh knows I'm here. The majority of the time he is glad I have all you lovelies, takes some of the talking off him. He does get annoyed if I'm on a lot at night. Which is fair, I get annoyed when he's on his phone too much at night too.

EIsieMae · December 2014

MH really doesn't have an opinion either way. Honestly, I think it's more of a relief for him that I'm on this group. We definitely have processed our losses differently. He's always there as a shoulder to cry on or to listen, but he doesn't really know what to say sometimes.

catvaughn5002 · December 2014

@ElsieMae Sounds like our husbands are similar. My DH is always good about listening and being there for a good cry. The bump has ladies that know what to say and exactly how I'm feeling for an added bonus. DH is very supportive and not an asshole, I promise! That wasn't the point of this thread. lol

mrspipp · December 2014

MH knows that I'm on, but probably not how much time I spend on. I bump a lot at work(like now), and not so much at home because I hate being mobile. I compare it to a support group, and I think that helps him understand the purpose to me and how much I rely on this outlet some days.

CC1017 · December 2014

My husband knows that I go on TB, but I don't know if he knows that I participate. He doesn't really like to talk about emotions and I know he doesn't get what I'm going through, so it has been a really helpful outlet for me.

negritosmami · December 2014

Hubby doesnt understand why would I talk to strangers..we just talked about it this morning..I explained..once again..how informative it is and how helpful it is to talk to others who have gone thru the same thing I went thru...I guess he gets it a little more..probably not tho lol and thats ok..

Menrandes · December 2014

My husband knows, and knows that it's a regular part of my daily life.
For him actually there is a bit of jealously that I have you ladies and that I basically have someone to talk to whenever I really need it.
He can talk to me, but he wishes he had someone to talk to that understands.
Of course I tell him that the vast majority of my time on the boards at this point has nothing to do with our losses, so he's kind of jealous of the friendships. He works such crazy hours that his friendships suffer.

TashaCN · December 2014

My hubs is aware I bump. He does not have a problem with it and realizes I've gotten some really good information and support. I, however, have made a rule for myself that if I post something on TB, I tell my hubs about it. I've gotten into trouble in the past where I have told others more about my feelings than him, and ended up really distancing myself from MH.

MSU_Girl1202 · December 2014

MH knows I'm on here and is extremely grateful for this group since it made me a little less crazy during my losses. He would always try to comfort me, but knew that it wasn't the same as having other women to talk to who knew exactly what I was feeling and going through, so I think he appreciates that this community exists.

raelynn71109 · December 2014

MH knows I'm on TB and he doesn't quite get it. He is a little skeptical of online forums (he's convinced you are all really 50 year old men LOL) and he thinks I obsess too much over TTC and our losses. Honestly, I do obsess. That's my personality and I like to research and learn as much as I can about things that are important to me. He knows this about me though; I was the same way when planning our wedding. :-) I do try not to bump too much in the evenings when I am home though because it's important to him that I am spending time with him and not on my phone.

catvaughn5002 · December 2014

@scubadiva30 I like the rule you made for yourself. I think I will start making sure I do that too.

renegadewhit · December 2014

My husband knows that I'm up to something on the computer that has to do with our loss, but he's not 100% on the details, mostly because he doesn't really ask a lot of questions. If he was ever curious I'd be happy to tell him, and I don't think he'd have a problem with it. He doesn't always get how I'm feeling, so he's pretty supportive of anything I need to do to deal with our loss.

skategirl128 · December 2014

My SO knows! He's very supportive of my time here and in other boards on the bump. I can talk about things that he and my IRL friends don't understand or just cant relate to. I've made some great friends here and for that I'm grateful!

kreardon11 · December 2014

DH knows, and he's super supportive. When we had our second loss, one of our lovely ladies posted a hugs thread and it meant the world to me. I was weeping like an idiot at work when I saw it. He knows that the women and the support here are different than him, my family, and my friends who've never gone through it.

SunshineShades · December 2014

Nikolie93 said:

I am pretty sure MH is ok with the fact I am on here to get support and I talk to him openly about it.

Sometimes I am not sure if he's ok with the amount of time I am on TB while we are sitting on the couch together lol

Pretty much this

HeyMrsPotter · December 2014

My DH knew I was on my BMB shortly after we conceived. After our loss, I guess I never really told him I was on the MC/PL and TTCAL boards instead. I learned after a few weeks that when he saw me on my computer all the time with The Bump's banner/logo on top of my screen, he was worried that I was spending so much time on a "pregnancy" site. He didn't understand that there was a loss support community here. He was very supportive once he figured out I wasn't just lurking on my BMB and torturing myself.

It sounds like YH is very caring and really wants to be there to support you. I hope he will come to understand that TTCAL is here for you in addition to -- and not in place of -- his support.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

I need to add that MH does NOT know I post in the nightly confessions thread

lol

VaBarnet · December 2014

MH knows it and I think he doesn't care... I told him yesterday that I was back to TB because that was(is) a lot going on and need to talk to people... I know he is there for me but I can't call him at work crying like crazy lol. He knows I have no family or close friends here and honestly some of my friends have made this worse for me. So, pretty sure we are goooood.

firefly143 · December 2014

MH was less than thrilled when I told him I joined this board. Mainly because he was worried it would upset me and make me dwell on our loss even more. Now that he sees how positive it has been for me he is cool with it. He asked why I didn't talk to him about it and I told him it was just easier for me to talk to you ladies because you all know exactly what it feels like. He wasnt even able to go to the hospital with me so sometimes I feel he just doesn't understand at all.

nikiswimr · December 2014

MH knows about the bump and how much time I spend on it. He was initially super supportive after my loss because I think he didn't know what to do. I think now he's a little worried about how much you ladies know about our sex life!

rslh10 · December 2014

At first my H was "skeptical", then he realized that I had some really strong emotions over the loss that he didn't know how to handle. He isn't a real emotional guy, and because of that he always makes jokes when I'm feeling sad/ugly crying. When I joined I could tell he didn't love the idea, but now that I've been here for 7 months, and I've made friends who know what i'm going through he doesn't mind. He thinks it's funny. He was the one who picked the siggy challenge for the month that I won! He thinks you guys are hilarious

ctk181 · December 2014

MH knows and is supportive. I think he is glad that I have you ladies for support because he doesn't really know what to say to me when I'm feeling down about our loss and TTC and he sees it as me being "negative." So I think he is happy that I can turn to all of you ladies when he is at a loss about what to say to me.

TayScott1 · December 2014

My DH thinks it is great! He doesn't like when I am on my phone all night though, which I will admit here lately I have been.

alm288 · December 2014

MH knows that I post here, but not to what extent. He doesn't completely get it. He was worried at first that being here would make focus me on the loss more. He doesn't say much anymore though about the bump.

We also limit the time we are online in the evening - try to spent the time together and step away from the iPhones, iPads, and laptops.

LittleMrsW · December 2014

MH knows I'm on here, but probably doesn't know how often. He's happy I've found an outlet and other women I can connect with. I don't know anyone irl who's had a loss, so he understands my need to connect with women like me.

Elliecat17 · December 2014

MH doesn't really care. In fact I think he rather enjoys that I have you ladies because I think sometimes the break is welcome for him. He has helped me choose pictures for siggy challenges, laughs at other ladies (when he's leaning over my shoulder), played CAH with us and even comes in some fridays and wants to see all the furbabies. But other then that this is my thing, and it gives me something to do that isn't crafting when he is playing games online with his friends.

MrsOscarFelix · December 2014

DH knows that I'm here and it doesn't bother him at all. He's happy that I have I some where to go to vent and be surrounded by people in a similar situation. He actually told me he can tell that it has helped me process everything being here. My DH really isn't the type of person who likes to talk about his feelings so I think he appreciates the fact that I have all you ladies!

Edit: I just woke up and words are hard

rmpar29 · December 2014

My DH knows I'm active on here (although he doesn't know just how much time I spend here

. He's always told me that he doesn't understand what I'm going through, so he's glad that I have others to talk to. I hope your DH can see that you need other ladies to talk to, but definitely don't use this board as a substitute for talking to him. It's very important to discuss where you both are mentally so you are on the same page. Good luck!

bumpuser10605721 · December 2014

I think MH is used to the boards. I've been on the bump since 2012 and has said a few times before "ask your internet friends! I don't know" lol. I told him after our loss I went back on TB and joined a loss board and it was helping, so I know hes glad for that. In the past I've spent way to much time on a night so Im trying to not let that happen this time

welly01 · December 2014

My DH knows I am active on TB in general and I think I've mentioned that I post on a loss board. He really doesn't care. He is really not an emotional guy and its hard to express myself to him sometimes. He also knows I get a lot of information from TB (which I think he doesn't always like).

I'm sorry your DH seemed hurt that you are on TB. But I think this is a wonderful resource for expressing your feelings, healing, and moving forward with TTC. I definitely do not think a SO could replace all the support and knowledge offered here.

bfonz619 · December 2014

DW has known about my participation on TB in general from day one. While she didn't understand the appeal of bonding with people on the internet, now, she sees the benefit through the support and knowledge I have received/gained. One of the first things she asked after our CP was if there is a board I could join to link up with others who have experienced losses in all stages for support and was happy to hear that I had already introduced myself here.

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