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TTCAL & nervous!

maegraymaegray member
in TTC After a Loss

It's been almost a year and a half since we lost our baby. It was early on in the pregnancy (9weeks), but it doesn't make it hurt any less! I was so certain I couldn't try to have another baby up until recently. It was scary, I couldn't go through that loss again, I didn't even want to risk it...

Even if I did get pregnant and had a healthy pregnancy, I was afraid to just live my life with that baby, like the loss never happened. Just a lot of thoughts going through my head, a lot of depression.

So now, I've finally come to realize we can try again. I've come to grips with it, my baby will never be forgotten, and when we do have another baby and the time is right, they will know about their guardian angel in heaven. I'm still so very nervous and scared, and constantly thinking what if, and having flash backs, don't get me wrong, but I'm also thinking of the joy this baby will bring us. Lots of back and forth with the thinking for me but the DH is so very ready.

I'm not sure if it's harder TTCAL or if it's the same as before the loss. I'm real confused about all of that. Any advise or information from mothers who have conceived after loss? Or who are currently trying?

Sorry if all of this is in discussions, I'm new to the boards!

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Re: TTCAL & nervous!

  • maegraymaegray member
    Thank you so much!
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  • lycihlycih member
    I'm sorry for your loss; it's completely "normal" to flip flop all over the place with how you're feeing emotionally.  Best of luck to you, and welcome to the board!


    ::The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar that even the ultimate fullfillment of that hope cannot fully erase:: Thomas Hardy

    BFP #1: 07/08/11  EDD: 03/22/12  Missed miscarriage @ 8w: 08/11/11, stopped growing @ 6w6d
    BFP #2: 03/26/12  EDD: 12/07/12  We have a HB at 7w!! (04/20/12)  CSD born 12/12/12 
    BFP #3: 08/05/14  Chemical Pregnancy at 4w3d 08/06/14
    BFP #4: 10/02/14  EDD: 06/10/15  Miscarriage at 6w6d 10/22/14




    TTCAL Siggy Challenge
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  • maegraymaegray member
    Thanks so much for all the comments, I definitely should have joined a board going through the healing process.
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  • CC1017CC1017 member
    Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad to hear you feel like you're in a better place now. I think there is more anxiety in the ttcal process, now that you've experienced things going wrong. One of my issues is fear that I'm not going to be able to connect with my next pregnancy for fear of another loss. My therapist told me to focus on being present in the moment. You can't control what happens in the future, but you can control your feelings and emotions at that moment.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    BFP #1 DS born 10/16/12 at 39w6d
    BFP #2 DD lost 11/17/14 at 17w2d
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  • thegiantfamthegiantfam member
    Welcome to the board. No matter how long you've been on this TTCAL journey, it doesn't get old hearing the words of advice from the brilliant ladies of this board. I hope you find comfort here.
    ME: 27 DH: 31 Married in Ireland 12/28/13. Trying since November 2013. First BFP 04/30/2014, Natural MC 05/12/2014. 2nd BFP 07/11/2014, Natural MC 08/02/2014. Trying to find healing.
    Miscarriages are labor, miscarriages are birth. To consider them less dishonors the woman whose womb has held life, however briefly.
    Kathryn Miller Ridiman, Midwifery Today 1997

    my chart
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • MrsG80inTNMrsG80inTN member
    I'm sorry for your loss.  What you have felt is incredibly normal.  We've all been that way.  Welcome to the board- I hope you find comfort and friendship here.

    Me 35 / DH 36
    TTC since 09/2009
    Hashimoto's diagnosis 11/2011 / Endometriosis removal surgery 04/2013
    Other diagnosis: 1 mutation - PAI-1 gene
    BFP#1 9/27/2013  /  EDD 6/4/14  /  MC 10/17/2013
    BFP#2 3/4/14  /  EDD 11/13/14  /  CP
    BFP#3 6/7/14  / EDD 2/16/15  /  CP
    BFP #4 11/7/2014 / EDD 7/17/15  /  CP
    Current  Plan: Waiting to change RE... Appt on 1/16
    RXs: Metformin, Levothyroxin, Baby Aspirin, CoQ10, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Pre-natal. Progesterone post O.

    imageimage
    ***Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    All Welcome


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  • rubysirubysi member
    Welcome. I am sorry for your loss. We all heal at different speeds and in different ways. I am sure you will find comfort here with your next journey.

    image
                ***TTCAL January siggy challenge ***
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  • catvaughn5002catvaughn5002 member
    Welcome to the board! I'm very sorry for loss.  The decision of when to start trying again and starting to actually TTC are both very emotional periods of time.  Take comfort in knowing that this group of ladies can relate to exactly how you are feeling.  ((hugs))
    Me: 26 DH:28
    TTC - Sept 2014
    # 1 BFP - October 5, 2014 EDD June 5, 2015 CP - October 14, 2014


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    image
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animal Interactions in the Snow
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  • jordangoodnightjordangoodnight member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. I still feel uncertain about TTC sometimes but I know that I want a baby and that outweighs the fear of having another MC.
    Me: 24 (hypothyroidism)
    DH:25
    Married June 2012 
    TTC September 2014
    BFP #1 October 17, 2014
    MC #1 October 26, 2014
    Benched 2 cycles (hoping to TTC January) 
    Off the bench as of Jan 2015
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  • CrunkalCrunkal member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. To echo what the other ladies have said, what you're feeling is totally normal. I've flip flopped many times. I'm glad you took a break and now feel like you're in a good place.
    Welcome to the board.
    ((Hugs))
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  • maegraymaegray member
    I really needed to wake up to all these comments! Thank Y'all so so much! I really wish I would have joined a support group earlier! I really never thought it would be like this, I really thought I would be making posts with no response. Thank y'all so much for the support and positive outlooks!
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