anyone who has potty trained

amiligrace · December 2014

I took a part time nanny position three weeks ago, taking care of a four year old boy. He is very sweet and easygoing, except when he has to go "potty". Last week he missed the toilet completely and pooped all over the floor. I brought it up to his dad, and he just laughed and shook his head and said he does that and "it's a boy thing". The same thing happened today. My first question is, how normal is this behavior at this age? I also need advice on how to bring this up to his dad again if it isn't normal behavior.

lgsdesigner · December 2014

Is he holding it for too long? For him to miss, that tells me he was rushing to sit down.
What I would do is make him sit on the potty once an hour regardless if he actually has to go. Read him a book. Talk to him as he goes. Then...reward him using a homemade sticker chart. Once he gets 5 stickers, he gets to go to the Dollar Store or do something he enjoys.
Best of luck!

amiligrace · December 2014

@lgsdesigner‌ thank you for the great advice. It's very appreciated. I will start the sticker chart tomorrow morning!

catmentzer21 · December 2014

Normal behavior changes from kid to kid. All kiddos make mistakes and some have more accidents then others. Unless he is being spiteful and doing it on person maybe he just needs some guidence. My boys did better if the pants and underwear were off and they had a step stool to put their legs on ( even though they were big enough to get on the potty by the selfs). However both my boys were potty trained by two and a half. My aunt was very hands off with her kids to say the least and they were not potty trains until right before they started kinder garden at almost 6. Every parent and child is different you have to just get a feel for the kid and parents and go from their. I wish you good luck! It can be very hard to take care of another's child that we ourselfs feel should be able to do something but can't. Just keep in mind that their may be a reason and maybe ask the parents how they Handel it when he has " accidents " like that. Again good luck.

Pintobean39 · December 2014

That doesn't seem normal to me. My oldest was completely trained at 20 months and my youngest was 2 1/2 when he got the peeing on the potty down but took a lot longer to poop. He was afraid of it so he just brought me a diaper and a pack of baby wipes when he had to poop. I changed him and he did his business in the corner and came and laid down beside me to get it off.

Now my nephew was completely different. Pooped in his pants until he was about 5 that I know of. His mom babied him pretty bad and if she wasn't around he'd poop in his pants. He's 15 now and still wets the bed. He's got some major issues going on with him.

I'm no expert but at 4 years old they are perfectly capable of not pooping all over the toilet, it's not a boy thing. It's sounds more like a behavior thing. It's nothing to have an accident here and there but if he's doing this all the time then I'd look into seeing if maybe he's doing it for attention. If you mentioned it already to the dad and he didn't seem to care I'd imagine mentioning it again won't do any good.

lgsdesigner · December 2014

amiligrace said:
@lgsdesigner‌ thank you for the great advice. It's very appreciated. I will start the sticker chart tomorrow morning!

No problem! Oh...and my son was trained by 20 months using this method, and daughter trained by 2.5.

amiligrace · December 2014

@catmentzer21‌ thanks for the insight. Of course I don't want to punish him for an accident, but I want to make sure that I help him as much as I can. I never realized there was such a potential age range for potty training. I appreciate your response!

amiligrace · December 2014

@Pintobean39‌ as far as mentioning it to his dad again being pointless, do you think I should take matters into my own hands? I received good advice about rewarding and having him use the toilet every hour. I was concerned about the amount of attention he gets, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries.

Pintobean39 · December 2014

amiligrace said:
@Pintobean39‌ as far as mentioning it to his dad again being pointless, do you think I should take matters into my own hands? I received good advice about rewarding and having him use the toilet every hour. I was concerned about the amount of attention he gets, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries.

I might would just try for a little while on your own first before mentioning it again to the dad. In my experience potty training isn't hard when they are ready. You may need to encourage them and make a big deal when the actually go. I didn't use a reward system but I've heard it works for some. I just clapped and gave verbal praise when they did a good job. Every child is different and responds different. Unfortunately you are thrown into a situation where you have to figure out what works the best on a child you have only known a couple of weeks.

Do you think maybe he's just waiting till the last minute to go possibly? Kids are so bad about doing that. Especially when potty training is new to them. If this is something he's just getting the hang of maybe he just hasn't figured out when the urge comes and how long does he really have to make it to the bathroom.

amiligrace · December 2014

@ramy3 thanks for the perspective. I wasn't anticipating an accident like this every week. Then again I should probably expect the unexpected! I appreciate your response.

amiligrace · December 2014

@marybeth080710‌ I will ask his dad about night accidents. It is starting to sound more like he isn't up to speed the more feedback I've received. I have to help him wash his hands and tell him to flush. Thank you for the advice to just take him instead of relying on him.

OnceInLoveWithAmy · December 2014

You've gotten some great advice, and I agree with taking matters into your own hands. My son turned 3 in October and we just finished potty training last month. He's had a couple pee accidents (he insists on standing to pee) but we haven't had a pooping issue. I think 4 years old is a little old to be acting like that.

amiligrace · December 2014

@Pintobean39‌ I will try clapping and praising to see if that helps him. That's good advice. I will combine that with making more frequent trips and see if it encourages him. Thank you!

Hawk&Eye · December 2014

Is he withholding his poop? Sometimes kids can get into the D3 cycle: discomfort, dread, delay. They get one bad movement and decide it's no fun to go to the potty. And then when they finally have to go, it can be a real yuck fest. We're still having issues with DS because of this.

Not sure what the circumstances are, but just wanted to throw this into the mix.

amiligrace · December 2014

@OnceInLoveWithAmy‌ I had a feeling it was a little too old for it to be happening. I'm pregnant with my first child and I am just nervous about question his dads parenting methods. At least on the days I am with him I will step in and go with my instincts. Thank you for responding!

amiligrace · December 2014

@Hawk&Eye that's a great perspective. I will be on the look out for signs of him being uncomfortable. I'm sure it will be more obvious as I get to know him better. Thank you!

mp03jp · December 2014

My DS took forever! No amount of praise or rewarding made a big difference for him.

For him I had to explain it in a way the he understood. I said something like "Thomas the train isn't going to think pooping in your pants is being a very useful engine. " I explained how Thomas always wants to do a good job at his work and right now his job was to poop in the potty.

It really made sense to him finally put it that way. But I also felt bad because I was worried he might feel shamed by it. At the time I think I was more fustrated than he was though.

amiligrace · December 2014

@mp03jp‌ that approach is very clever! I'll have to give that a try. Thank you so much for your insight.

marym94 · December 2014

Um these stories about 5-6 year olds scare the crap outta me .. I have a 2 year old and thinking we need to get on the potty asap after reading that!! Only kind of kidding

KellyFM522 · December 2014

This is a great thread!! For those who have PT what signs did you look for to tell you your kid was ready to start?

OnceInLoveWithAmy · December 2014

@KellyFM522‌ -- some of the signs we looked for was
Waking up with a dry diaper
Took interest in what we were doing when we were in the bathroom
Finding a quiet spot in the room/house to poop (he really liked to stand in the corner of the kitchen by his own kitchen set)
Also (this came a little later) he would tell us after he pooped that he needed his diaper change.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

The sphincter muscle and the nerves connected to them are some of the last to develop and connect properly. It is completely controlled by our "automatic" nervous systems before they convert to being partially manually manipulated. They really cannot control it sometimes. Their mind is telling them to go, but their little bodies work ahead of time and the muscle itself might not even be strong enough for him to "hold" it yet. You actually have to work it out as you gain manual control.. It's not easy for these little people! The bladder and pee pee muscles develop much quicker and stronger than the sphincter, which explains why they learn to hold their pee first and have poo poo accidents longer.

I would do what everyone else suggested and have him sit and try regardless, and maybe help him quickly get undressed and on the toilet when he says it's time! Good luck!

KellyFM522 · December 2014

OnceInLoveWithAmy said:
@KellyFM522‌ -- some of the signs we looked for was
Waking up with a dry diaper
Took interest in what we were doing when we were in the bathroom
Finding a quiet spot in the room/house to poop (he really liked to stand in the corner of the kitchen by his own kitchen set)
Also (this came a little later) he would tell us after he pooped that he needed his diaper change.

Thanks- we are almost there with DS, he actually won't poop unless we are at home. We actually were gone for 3 days once and 5 mins in the door he pooped. He's just over 2, we are working on more communication about what he needs. I have been leaving the door open and he will often follow us into the bathroom and we go through the steps. Just a scary step. He loooooves the everybody poops book.

DH and I are trying to decide if it would be better to wait until after baby comes. Him regressing is a huge fear.

Snapdragon750 · December 2014

I found this website to be a really helpful tool while potty training: https://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/CTGY/How-to-Potty-Train.html

It's hard to say what's "normal" and what's not because really every kid potty trains differently. So even if pooping outside of the potty is "not normal," I don't see what anyone has to gain from your telling his parents that. Boys DO tend to potty train later than girls, so maybe that's what his dad means by "it's a boy thing." At any rate, I'd say try what PPs suggested regarding potty training but definitely don't tell the dad his kid's behavior isn't normal.

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