Question from a lurker from the IF board.

CarSaidYes · December 2014

Hi ladies, my name is CarSaidYes. I am currently 14w pregnant. I suffered a loss in 2013. I was in my first trimester. I feel guilty this pregnancy because I'm so scared to get attached due to fear of suffering another loss. I thought this pain would ease as I entered my second trimester. But it hasn't. My question for you ladies is how can I become excited again and how can I set this fear aside? Is it even possible? I'm sorry, I know this question probably has been asked a million times. Thanks.

MoreThanSparrows08 · December 2014

I think they way you're feeling is pretty normal around here. My loss was in the first tri, also, and I still have moments where I worry that I'm getting too attached. There's a sticky post at the top of the page here that is full of things we PgAL ladies tell ourselves daily in regards to this.

In all likelihood, the fear will not ever fully go away, but it will fade. The more you focus on your healthy baby and loving him/her, the less you will notice it. It will still jump out and surprise you sometimes, as it does all of us, but it can only control you if you let it.

Best of luck with your LO! And lots of ((hugs)) for your loss.

megbmeg · December 2014

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It's so normal to be afraid and to have a harder time connecting. It's also absolutely okay to give yourself whatever time you need to be able to celebrate this pregnancy.

For me, the fear was predominant for a while. Even after I had a good 20 wk a/s, I hoped to feel more excitement than fear but I didn't. So I just decided to let myself be excited at that point and it worked (I still felt fears of course, but I could feel the joy more).

I finally realized that just because I had the fears didn't mean something terrible would happen, and not getting excited wouldn't protect me from anything bad. So if you feel up to it, let yourself feel a little joy about the life inside you - even if it's just resting your hand on your belly for a minute, or thinking about baby names, or anything else small and celebratory.

Hang in there!

CarSaidYes · December 2014

Thank you so much. I think your anwsers is exactly what I needed to hear. People have given me grief about not starting my pregnancy journal, and not really talking about my pregnancy in a group setting and I'm just not ready for that. I'm over the moon excited and I share that with my family and DH but I'm still terrified and Idw to scream it to the world just yet. I think after my next appt on the 16th I'll feel a LOT better. Hopefully finding out the sex will help me to release some fear. That's a huge milestone. Thank you ladies for your great responses. I'm going to go check out that sticky note

peggels24 · December 2014

Congratulations!

I'm sorry that people are giving you grief. Like PP's said - with time, you will feel a bit better but it may not ever go away fully. ((hugs)) to you

beckynsean11 · December 2014

I'm really sorry that anyone is giving you grief. PgAL & PAIF are really hard to deal with. If you're not ready to start a pregnancy journal & skip around singing about your pregnancy, that's ok. There is no right time or way to let go of the fear. I'm struggling with this too. Some days I'm great & I feel completely connected to this pregnancy, other days I barely even think about being pregnant. It's just not the same this time around. I just figure at some point (maybe once I feel daily movement?) I'll be able to relax a little bit. Just because something bad has always happened for us during pregnancy, doesn't mean something bad is inevitable this time around. That's one of my little mantras. Hopefully if I tell myself that enough times, I'll start to believe it. Hang in there (((hugs)))

pblge · December 2014

You know me

and I totally relate to this. I still haven't made a public announcement, and only became public at work in the past week or two (I'm 21+3 for those on mobile) since I couldn't hide it anymore. Getting the "all is good" at the A/S made a big difference to me, and I was finally able to accept that we're (probably--still must have the caveat) going to have a baby. Feeling regular movement has also helped, although I haven't had the days of no movement, which I hear are pretty much guaranteed to happen. I was like you--I thought that passing my previous loss milestones, having the NT, and making it into the second tri would help, and none of that really did. Or, rather, it helped incrementally, but the recent events have caused excitement and bonding to progress in leaps.

I do think, based on my reading here, that some women struggle to connect and bond with their babies for much longer, especially if they had a very late or infant loss. And I think that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad mom or a bad person. The baby doesn't need that kind of emotional attachment from you at this point, so long as you're taking good care of yourself physically. Be gentle with yourself, and you'll bond with your baby when you're ready to. ((hugs))

RustyGirl3 · December 2014

No one should be making you feel bad. I am sorry they don't understand what you are feeling, which is totally normal. It's hard unless they have gone through it too.

With each Dr's appt we feel better and better and now that I can feel the baby moving every day that is a big help too. You need time, take it. You will get there eventually. Don't let anyone rush you.

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Question from a lurker from the IF board.

Me: 26 (IC/PCOS-2000mg of Metformin daily)

DH: 27 (SA results were great minus the slightly low morphology)

Started dating DH in 2002 at 14 years old

Married on 03.01.2014

Officially TTC since April 2014

January 2013- Surprise BFP, m/c at 6 weeks, D&C 2 Weeks later

April 2014- First RE appointment

July 2014- IUI#1-Canx due to scar tissue and polyps. TI with the help of Ovidrel. BFN

Re: Question from a lurker from the IF board.