S/O - How old where you when you learned that Santa wasn't real (even though he is of course, chill)

ally2011 · December 2014

I was 8. My best friend that lived next door was the middle child and she already knew and told me. I can remember our conversation to this day. I told her she was wrong and she would see when we grew up and had our own kids and Santa DID come and bring them gifts. And she said that if that was my plan that my kids wouldn't get anything because I had to get the gifts, no Santa. I told her "uh uh! your kids will just get DOUBLE!" I wasn't very good with insults or witty comebacks, obviously.

I don't remember this part, but apparently I went home and asked my mom about it and we had what she calls a heart to heart where she came clean (and probably told about the spirit of it and magic of giving and yadda yadda). As the story goes, as she was leaving my bedroom I said timidly, "mom, about the easter bunny...." All the innocence gone in a day! Thanks Laura! (still one of my BFFs)

So, how old were you? My husband thinks 8 was late.

SidraJedi · December 2014

I don't know. I don't remember ever believing in him though my mom desperately wanted me to. It was such a thing for her I just didn't say anything until once I got mad at her and told her I knew the truth.

ETA: to be clear I didn't yell at my mom or anything. I let her down easy, I just was over her attitude that week or else I would have kept up the game. I was around 11.

PhieryBFly · December 2014

I have never believed in Santa. My parents worked hard to make him seem real (ash boot prints around the fire place and such) but I was a skeptical, untrusting child I think.

tamarar5 · December 2014

@ally2011‌ My daughter is almost 8 and still believes, lol!

I think I was probably about 8 or 9? But my parents still give us "Santa" gifts, and I'm in my 30s.

wineandcake · December 2014

Around 8 or 9. I don't really remember. I just love the idea and magic about it all, I wish Christmas was still as exciting as it used to be. I hope DS believes in Santa for a while.

SummerLove21 · December 2014

I was 10. I had asked for one of those Doodle Bears for Christmas, and my mom sent me out to the car to grab something for her out of the trunk. She must have forgotten that she still had gifts in there, because I spotted the Doodle Bear and was SO EXCITED. I didn't say anything, and on Christmas I opened my "Santa" gift and it was the Doodle Bear. My little heart was crushed.

My mom still insisted there was a Santa until I was 20. My youngest sister was 14. It was a little ridiculous. We all still get "Santa" gifts, though.

kelly321 · December 2014

I had suspected, I think, but when I was 10 my dad was driving me out to the horse stable and came clean. The conversation went something like, "Listen, honey, sometimes parents tell children things to make them fun but they aren't really true." And I said something like, "Dad, I don't want to hear." (I totally knew what was coming.) And then he told me Santa isn't real. I burst into tears.

Dannysmama · December 2014

I think I was 8 - found the bag of toys with my brother, confirmed with my cousins. It wasn't traumatic but you could feel the light go out a little. It did spoil it for my brother who was 6.

My cousin believed so fiercely in Santa she threw up when she found out he wasn't real. I think she was 13

holly321 · December 2014

I was 9 or 10ish. My bff asked me if I still believed in Santa. My thought was why would someone say that if Santa wasn't really. I didn't tell my mom. She told me a few weeks later.

My little cousin believed in Santa until she was 12, which I think is so sweet and innocent. Her dad wasn't thinking, and asked what she wanted Santa to get her, he was going shopping.

Puck1182 · December 2014

Early elementary school, I think? So probably around 7. I found the presents by accident and was scared to tell my parents I knew the truth, so I pretended to believe in Santa for years after that. I think I was probably like 10 or 11 by the time I finally told them I knew the truth.

Rynleigh · December 2014

I can't actively remember. I remember looking for the gifts and being enraged that my parents kept trying to insist that he was a real immortal flying man who wanted me to obey them when I was about 4 or 5 - it was before I started school. I don't know if there was a time when I genuinely believed or not.

Meggiemuggins · December 2014

I was around 8 or 9 when I realized that it was improbable that Santa was real. but a little smidgen of me kept believing just in case he was real. I hope DS holds onto Santa for a long time

laketide · December 2014

I found out when I found my "Santa" gifts in my moms closet at about 7 or 8. My family always said Santa brought gifts to those who believed in him so I never said a word that I had found out

cinnasugar · December 2014

I think I had a suspicion but I found Easter bunny stuff in my mom's room before Easter, which confirmed my suspicions and I just 'knew' about Santa at that point. I think I was 8 or 9. But I had a younger brother so we all played along. I never told my parents I knew he wasn't real.

holly321 · December 2014

I found the presents when I was 3. My mom convinced me I wasn't actually seeing toys and I made it up.

SummerLove21 · December 2014

@holly321 My mom would have done the exact same thing if I would have told her I knew. :-)

lbonga1 · December 2014

I think I was around 8. I think my dad gave up because he used the same kind of name tags on the gifts from him as the ones from Santa. So, pretty obvious. Like ally, it was basically right after I had gotten into an argument with a friend about whether or not he was real.

singingsea · December 2014

I was 8. I accidentally discovered my parents filling our easter baskets so they told me everything (santa, easter bunny, tooth fairy) was a lie.

I cried for two days.

And yet here I am doing it to my own poor child. I'd like to think the magic of santa outweighs the heartbreak.

draeray · December 2014

Probably around 8 or 9. I remember noticing that the wrapping paper and the handwritting on the Santa gifts looked just like our wrapping paper and my mom's handwriting. I remember coming out and asking my Dad if he was real and he said no and that was the end of it.

I have an almost 9 year old and he seems to still believe but I guess I wouldn't really know if he isn't saying anything.

Tulips114 · December 2014

I was young, like 5. My sister is 4 years older and she ruined it for me.

PhieryBFly · December 2014

I asked my husband when he found out about Santa because I thought it was around 8 years old (which seemed to be what most people here were responding). He said it was around 8 years old and that he was crushed and never trusted his parents again since he now knew that they would lie to get their way. As in, "If you don't behave, Santa won't bring you any presents." He still won't trust them on most things and thinks little of them overall. This seems to be extreme but it was a different reaction that most peoples so I thought I'd share.

Rynleigh · December 2014

PhieryBFly said:

I asked my husband when he found out about Santa because I thought it was around 8 years old (which seemed to be what most people here were responding). He said it was around 8 years old and that he was crushed and never trusted his parents again since he now knew that they would lie to get their way. As in, "If you don't behave, Santa won't bring you any presents." He still won't trust them on most things and thinks little of them overall. This seems to be extreme but it was a different reaction that most peoples so I thought I'd share.

Well to be entirely fair, I think most of our parents who used Santa as a tool to manipulate behaviour or actions were generally not very good at demonstrating, teaching, or encouraging trust or respect on the very wide spectrum. I don't think that it's an extreme reaction, because even if Santa stands out as a major instance of betrayal in his early memories and a trigger he's actively aware of, it's more likely an example of a very deep underlying problem. (editing to add that I similarly have serious problems with my parents and felt nothing but anger and distress over the way they utilized Santa to demand obedience - but I can recognize that the problem wasn't the Santa myth - the problem was them, as people)

PhieryBFly · December 2014

Rynleigh said:

PhieryBFly said:

I asked my husband when he found out about Santa because I thought it was around 8 years old (which seemed to be what most people here were responding). He said it was around 8 years old and that he was crushed and never trusted his parents again since he now knew that they would lie to get their way. As in, "If you don't behave, Santa won't bring you any presents." He still won't trust them on most things and thinks little of them overall. This seems to be extreme but it was a different reaction that most peoples so I thought I'd share.

Well to be entirely fair, I think most of our parents who used Santa as a tool to manipulate behaviour or actions were generally not very good at demonstrating, teaching, or encouraging trust or respect on the very wide spectrum. I don't think that it's an extreme reaction, because even if Santa stands out as a major instance of betrayal in his early memories and a trigger he's actively aware of, it's more likely an example of a very deep underlying problem. (editing to add that I similarly have serious problems with my parents and felt nothing but anger and distress over the way they utilized Santa to demand obedience - but I can recognize that the problem wasn't the Santa myth - the problem was them, as people)

That's a good way to put it. It was his mom and step-dad and there were indeed other issues there. He was also home schooled (not that home school is bad but the way his mom did it caused him significant isolation) so his interactions with his parents and family made up a larger percentage of his human interactions than most people. But this was one instance where the downside was significantly worse than upside of, 'a little bit of Christmas magic.'

Rynleigh · December 2014

PhieryBFly said:
That's a good way to put it. It was his mom and step-dad and there were indeed other issues there. He was also home schooled (not that home school is bad but the way his mom did it caused him significant isolation) so his interactions with his parents and family made up a larger percentage of his human interactions than most people. But this was one instance where the downside was significantly worse than upside of, 'a little bit of Christmas magic.'

<<< Also harmed by a home schooling parent. Sadly, there are far more of us who had negative experiences than there should be. I hope your family is making fresh and comforting traditions to enjoy your holiday season together, despite potential triggers.

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