Mother in law

thay33 · December 2014

so I just found out that my husband and I are having a boy <:-P
We had a small sex reveal party with just immediate family so that we could all find out together. Well I had notice that my MIL brought a gift... I was somewhat annoyed because I wasn't sure first off what she could've possibly gotten & that this just wasn't that type of party. My MIL was positive...& I mean POSITIVE that my baby was a girl... So much so that when we opened the box of BLUE balloons she looked so upset (all of his family is all boys) NOT ONLY THAT... But the gift she got!? It was a 6mo cute little dress!!! She kept saying how she has to return it now and just whatever. Then on top of all of THAT, his brother and girlfriend (who already have a son) got us a book called "why daughters need their mothers" I didn't mind what the sex of our baby was, & now I'm just heartbroken. I love this baby more than anything in this entire universe but I can't help but feel hurt about my in laws reaction, I literally can't stop crying (hormones or not) I guess I honestly don't know how to react to all of this, I'm sorry we aren't having a girl but at least this baby boy is healthy is all I keep telling myself. Has anyone else had this problem where a family member actually made you feel horrible for not providing the sex THEY wanted?

thay33 · December 2014

asutherl said:
Ugh that sounds terrible. Hopefully they are just annoyed about having to return stuff or that they were wrong.... and not that you are having a boy. IMO it's their own fault for buying stuff before knowing the sec (whatsupwiththat!)

That is LITERALLY word for word what I was saying why in the WORLD would you buy something without knowing what it even is yet!? I'm just so astonished with her reaction and thought process with the gift, I mean she loves her first grandson a ton so I'm just really hoping she gets over it like you said

kimmarie1105 · December 2014

I can only imagine how you feel. I'm sorry. When that beautiful little boy comes into this world they will all love him! But I get how you feel at this moment.

Sugarbean17 · December 2014

I'm so sorry that sounds pretty terrible. I would be upset too.

TeacherMama7 · December 2014

I can't believe that they made you feel bad about having to return gender specific outfits! How crazy. You are right - a healthy baby boy is a wonderful thing. Many women struggle with miscarriages and would be happy with one boy! Try not to let them ruin your night - take a bath and read a good book or something kind for yourself! F

thay33 · December 2014

Thank you everyone, all your kind words mean a ton. I really do believe I need to take a step back and cherish what is and just let them go be in their own little puddle of disappointment and I'll just provide all the love my baby BOY deserves and needs! Thank you all so much again!

ohiodoxiemama08 · December 2014

Ugh, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. It seems absolutely crazy that they would buy gifts before the reveal.

I am sure they will be more excited when baby boy arrives. My MIL was just sure I was having a boy with my first and acted a little disappointed when we announced we were having a girl. But now she is in love with her. MILs can just be annoying.

Enjoy and celebrate a happy and healthy little boy

GASuzuki · December 2014

Your MIL and family need to chill the eff out. A healthy baby is always the most important things and it is not your job to deliver a baby in whatever sex they want. Please be happy about your little baby boy. A baby, no matter what sex, is a blessing.

GASuzuki · December 2014

BTW, my DH said you should refer them to your MIL's son, as it's his sperm that determines sex.

mccall35 · December 2014

Ugh, I'm sorry your inlaws are being like that. If it's any consolation, I have a friend who's mother was so convinced that she was having a girl (they were team green), that she went out and bought a $200.00 tutu (custom embroidered). Guess what, that baby came out with a penis. My friend made light of the situation by snapping a couple photos to send to her mum with little Samuel in the tutu. Her mum felt like an idiot, but they had a few good laughs.

Moral of the story, some people can do some downright weird things when babies are involved. Just keep your chin up and someday this will be one of those stories you have a good chuckle over.

Congratulations on your little boy! I have a DS who's almost 2, little boys are so much fun!

thay33 · December 2014

GASuzuki said:
BTW, my DH said you should refer them to your MIL's son, as it's his sperm that determines sex.

That's what I DONT understand! His WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY IS BOYS! Why in the WORLD would you go and buy girl stuff!? Like yeah, it COULD happen. But why wouldn't you just expect it to be a boy since that's all your family is & then IF it is a girl yay for you... Like she just hurt me so badly and she is so self centered that she doesn't even know it. She kept telling me how dressing up boys are boring when they become a toddler because "nothing's cute" WHO CARES! I've made it so far & my baby is healthy and breathing and that's truthfully all I care about!

ETA: I noticed I repeated myself lol.

GASuzuki · December 2014

I'm so sorry... It sounds like it's her issue, not yours. I can tell you my husband would have loved a boy, even though he's in love with our DD, who is now 5. Just chalk it up to your MIL's idiocy. And I disagree with her about dressing boys... There are so many cute boy outfits! Trust me, the tutus and dresses get old.

mcp6286 · December 2014

Wow I'm really sorry! That's such a rude and inconsiderate reaction to someone's amazing news. Just because you're family does not give her the right to express every feeling or thought that pops into her head. If I were you, I'd make DH have one heavy-handed conversation with his family about how people who want to be included in your special times act going forward. My in laws are challenging too and DH & I have made it very clear to them that when it comes to our baby, there are no second chances. They celebrate, they behave appropriately, they don't give unsolicited advice or they can expect to be sidelined.

thay33 · December 2014

GASuzuki said:
I'm so sorry... It sounds like it's her issue, not yours. I can tell you my husband would have loved a boy, even though he's in love with our DD, who is now 5. Just chalk it up to your MIL's idiocy. And I disagree with her about dressing boys... There are so many cute boy outfits! Trust me, the tutus and dresses get old.

Lol thank you, it means a ton!

thay33 · December 2014

mcp6286 said:
Wow I'm really sorry! That's such a rude and inconsiderate reaction to someone's amazing news. Just because you're family does not give her the right to express every feeling or thought that pops into her head. If I were you, I'd make DH have one heavy-handed conversation with his family about how people who want to be included in your special times act going forward. My in laws are challenging too and DH & I have made it very clear to them that when it comes to our baby, there are no second chances. They celebrate, they behave appropriately, they don't give unsolicited advice or they can expect to be sidelined.

I wish I could say there are no second chances... But my husband is very close with his parents (not that it's a bad tning) but honestly they do no wrong in his eyes, EVER. I've already told him why I was upset as he's seen me crying. But he just kinda brushed it off his shoulder and said its not a big deal she will still love him. Which yeah I'm sure she will, but that doesn't take back how she made me feel tonight. & how she looked so upset and had nothing and I mean NOTHING good to say about having boys. WHEN NOT ONLY DOES SHE HAVE TWO SONS BUT ALSO A GRANDSON! It's just getting really annoying and old with her and I'm not sure what else to do with her. One day she will make me snap I'm sure of it.

sideboth · December 2014

Just kindly suggest that she kicks her son in the nuts. That way she can take her disappointment out on the right person and also help with the process of making a girl as the sperm will probably stunted.

mcp6286 · December 2014

thay33 said:

mcp6286 said:
Wow I'm really sorry! That's such a rude and inconsiderate reaction to someone's amazing news. Just because you're family does not give her the right to express every feeling or thought that pops into her head. If I were you, I'd make DH have one heavy-handed conversation with his family about how people who want to be included in your special times act going forward. My in laws are challenging too and DH & I have made it very clear to them that when it comes to our baby, there are no second chances. They celebrate, they behave appropriately, they don't give unsolicited advice or they can expect to be sidelined.
I wish I could say there are no second chances... But my husband is very close with his parents (not that it's a bad tning) but honestly they do no wrong in his eyes, EVER. I've already told him why I was upset as he's seen me crying. But he just kinda brushed it off his shoulder and said its not a big deal she will still love him. Which yeah I'm sure she will, but that doesn't take back how she made me feel tonight. & how she looked so upset and had nothing and I mean NOTHING good to say about having boys. WHEN NOT ONLY DOES SHE HAVE TWO SONS BUT ALSO A GRANDSON! It's just getting really annoying and old with her and I'm not sure what else to do with her. One day she will make me snap I'm sure of it.

That does make it hard. My DH is extremely close with his parents too, esp his mom, and it was really hard for him to learn to stand up to them once we got married. It's taken years of practice, but he's finally come to peace with the fact that they sometimes need to be confronted (I usually still have to tell him when those times are lol) and had learned to do it kindly but firmly. I hope that happens for you too; it makes life much simpler!!! No one should be allowed to hurt your feelings about something so special and exciting. It makes me so sad that they would steal your joy like that!

And trust me, as someone who has been pushed to the breaking point and snapped on her ILs in the past....sometimes it does them some good!!!

mirandaroser · December 2014

I'm sorry for the language, but that is fucked up. To make you feel bad for something that is, first of all, a blessing; and second of all something that is out of your control, is completely selfish. I understand hoping for one gender, but to be openly upset about buying something gender-specific BEFORE knowing the gender and then continuing to take it out on you is just not okay. You shouldn't have to cater to people like that.

jilly159 · December 2014

This is exactly what happened with DD except the other way around. They wanted a boy. Even when we found out she was a girl I never stopped hearing "it's not too late to put the stem on the apple." Most. Annoying. Thing. Ever! I'm so sorry your in laws are being jerks (to say the very least). Funny how people are so damn opinionated about other people's babies.

Congrats on having a baby BOY!!!

ombradellarosa · December 2014

thay33 said:

so I just found out that my husband and I are having a boy <:-P We had a small sex reveal party with just immediate family so that we could all find out together. Well I had notice that my MIL brought a gift... I was somewhat annoyed because I wasn't sure first off what she could've possibly gotten & that this just wasn't that type of party. My MIL was positive...& I mean POSITIVE that my baby was a girl... So much so that when we opened the box of BLUE balloons she looked so upset (all of his family is all boys) NOT ONLY THAT... But the gift she got!? It was a 6mo cute little dress!!! She kept saying how she has to return it now and just whatever. Then on top of all of THAT, his brother and girlfriend (who already have a son) got us a book called "why daughters need their mothers" I didn't mind what the sex of our baby was, & now I'm just heartbroken. I love this baby more than anything in this entire universe but I can't help but feel hurt about my in laws reaction, I literally can't stop crying (hormones or not) I guess I honestly don't know how to react to all of this, I'm sorry we aren't having a girl but at least this baby boy is healthy is all I keep telling myself. Has anyone else had this problem where a family member actually made you feel horrible for not providing the sex THEY wanted?

You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong--neither did your husband. I can't believe the nerve of some people--how can she be mad at you that she was wrong and acted on her unfounded beliefs and now she has something to return? And why did all of these people give you the gifts anyway when they were so bizarrely gender specific? I would think the appropriate thing would be to either discreetly hide the gift away or make a joke of being wrong. Not be indignant, how ridiculous.

My mum has bought gender-specific things for my future children (waaaay before I was pregnant) but she has both kinds so she's set either way. Lol.

Emilywooddesign · December 2014

Congrats on a little boy! It's a shame she made your sex reveal not the experience you were hoping for, but don't let anyone rain on your parade! I hope you have a better day tomorrow xoxo

here is a picture of a very stylish little boy your MIL suck it saying that little boys don't have cute clothes

thay33 · December 2014

Emilywooddesign said:
Congrats on a little boy! It's a shame she made your sex reveal not the experience you were hoping for, but don't let anyone rain on your parade! I hope you have a better day tomorrow xoxo

here is a picture of a very stylish little boy your MIL suck it saying that little boys don't have cute clothes

Oh my goodness what a cutie!!!! Lol thank you so much! I actually can't wait to have my baby boy ESP so I can dress him up all awesome and just look at her like what? It's not always jeans and a tshirt! Lol!

GreenIvy08 · December 2014

So happy for you on the news of your baby boy! I'm equally sorry that your family reacted that way. It's not fair to you and your husband. Continue to celebrate with those who are supportive!

suzysurparis · December 2014

It sucks that they decided something like that before really knowing but it reminds me of my MIL. She has three boys and really wanted a girl, so #3 ended up in some rather feminine outfits as a young child. I know you won't let yours start putting him in dresses or anything, but people can be crazy with that stuff. And congrats!

TLeec16 · December 2014

I'm so sorry and unfortunately am in the same boat about in laws really wanting a girl. This is #4 for us and we have all boys already, our chances of a girl are silm yet first words out of my inlaws mouth (who are divorced) is I hope its a girl. My mil even said "I pray its a girl don't you?" My husband said "No I pray the baby is healthy". She said "oh yeah of course that but I also pray its a girl". Grrrr same thing when I was pregnant with my third. It makes me so frustrated.

amby90 · December 2014

Nawww

don't let that get to you! In-laws can be so annoying I'm not going to lie. I had a similar situation but not about the sex, it was telling my partners mum that I was pregnant! She's so traditional and me and my partner is not married yet, as this was not planned! When we finally sat down and told her she cried and cried her eyes out. Like someone had died'! My parents were happy about it but she was the only one who was negative. I ended up bursting into tears and left! I was so annoyed that she acted that way. But I live with them so I had to go home. She's eased up to it now though, we stil don't have the best relationship. Hopfully when the babies here itl be different. I'm sure the same will be for you! Once babies here things should change!

don't let it get to you! Be happy! It's going to be you, your husband and bubba and that's all thatl matter.

babybean9 · December 2014

I'm really sorry that happened to you. Please try to not let it ruin this amazing time in your life. My MIL desperately wants me to have a girl too, she keeps saying irrational things like "xyz symptom means it's a girl" or that an ultrasound (of the baby's face) looks like a girl, anything to make herself feel better/hopeful.

I'm a FTM and have always been extremely sensitive, this pregnancy has taught me a lot of patience and to not get worked up about things that are out of my control. Your family will love your baby boy once he arrives, it just takes time for things to settle sometimes. Congrats on your healthy baby and good luck!

thay33 · December 2014

babybean9 said:
I'm really sorry that happened to you. Please try to not let it ruin this amazing time in your life. My MIL desperately wants me to have a girl too, she keeps saying irrational things like "xyz symptom means it's a girl" or that an ultrasound (of the baby's face) looks like a girl, anything to make herself feel better/hopeful.

I'm a FTM and have always been extremely sensitive, this pregnancy has taught me a lot of patience and to not get worked up about things that are out of my control. Your family will love your baby boy once he arrives, it just takes time for things to settle sometimes. Congrats on your healthy baby and good luck!

Thank you so much. My mother in law told me that because I'm ugly im probably having a girl so believe me I know exactly how you feel when you say they say because of "xyz" it's a girl.

a5swanson · December 2014

This situation is crazy, sure...but not unheard of. When you're less emotional about it, you should talk to her about how that hurt your feelings. If nothing else, it may help put her in her place for the future. Stand your ground now.

I have challenging in-laws too.

Life&Gwen · December 2014

Look at it this way, maybe he'll enjoy cross dressing? Then she could buy dresses. Her behavior sounds delusional.

Schnurette · December 2014

That is so f-ing weird. Who buys sex specific items when you don't know the sex??

I would have been mad too. I got super irritated when people even speculated about DD's sex. Like, hold your ponies people. You'll find out when the kid shoots out of my whooha.

yellow16 · December 2014

I haven't read the replies but I nearly posted about this last week. We found out we are having a baby girl. We have a dd who is 2, and my in laws were really hoping for a boy. Dh and I simply want the baby healthy and don't have a preference for sex. I took a small gift over to the in laws to announce the sex of this baby and instantly could sense their displeasure. I lost it and it has been a sore subject ever since...I'm so thankful that as far as we know this girl is healthy and we are excited to welcome another baby girl into our home. Just wanted to let you know you're not the only one. This will likely be our last baby so that makes it even worse because they feel that their family name won't be carried on...it just makes things all around uncomfortable. I'm so grateful for a supportive husband who loves his girls!

mindaa · December 2014

sensitivesally said:

It was a privilege for them to be included in your early reveal, and they blew it. They really need to know how hurtful this was and that further behavior like this will lead to their exclusion from other special occasions moving forward. So sorry!!! Congratulations on your little boy! I'm exited for you!

Wow, well said.

OP, that sounds really frustrating. I probably would have cried. because I cry at everything these days.

I have no doubt MIL will be excited with either. But she is convinced it's a boy, so if it's not, I think she's mostly going to be disappointed that she's wrong (because MILs are never wrong).

Katerina&Baby · December 2014

Congratulations! Boys are wonderful (my sister has a son and it's SO fun dressing him up like a little old man - like sweaters with elbow patches - I could just die from cute overload).

As for MIL - don't let Mrs crazy pants rain on your parade and if she DARES to make another comment about how she wished it was a girl, put her in her place and let her know that if she isn't happy to have a grandson, she doesn't need to spend any time with him. That ought to make her back-pedal like her life depends on it. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own thought processes that they don't think about how it makes other people feel. It is completely acceptable to let her know that her reaction is hurtful.

ombradellarosa · December 2014

I love these reactions. I'd like to add that dressing up little boys is definitely fun. I actually had to come around to dressing up a little girl because I so love suspenders, newsboy caps, and tiny sweater vests. I have little doubt that if I do have a girl, she's going to be wearing at least some of that stuff. After all, her mother does it all the time!

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