Just Venting

SummerLove21 · December 2014

With the immenent arrival of baby girl, I am having all the feels, mostly about DS. I feel bad that we are about to rock his whole little world. He is in for a confusing couple of days (at least) where mommy and daddy are both MIA, which has never happened to him before, and then we are going to bring home a new baby that is going to require a lot of our attention and energy, and is not temporary the way his cousin was last week. He did so well with her though (she is 6 months) that it gives me hope that the transition will be mostly positive for him.

I'm worried about BFing again...not because we had such a terrible time last time, but just because of the amount of time it takes and the adjustment period. I am terrified of the lack of sleep (especially since third tri insomnia is killing me now). I'm sad that it's not just going to be our little family of three. I have so much fun interacting with DS (most of the time) and worry that I will be missing so much. He really has become my little golden boy. It was always in the plan to have more kids, but as most of you know, I had planned for that to happen just a bit farther down the line than is happening, and that particular fact is rearing it's ugly head again and making me feel stupid and guilty for not being more careful. I am wishing for more "alone" time with him that I can't have. I'm trying to spend as much time with him as I can, but new baby prep plus holiday prep makes it kind of hard.

I know it's all end-of-pregnancy panic and it's normal. I know we'll survive. I know that baby girl will be a blessing to our family. I'm just second-guessing everything but I can't change any of it. It's worse because it's not according to the "plan" I had, although I know even if it was, I'd still be having some form of all this worry.

Anyway...thanks for reading if you did. I just needed to vent.

kleigh926 · December 2014

I can relate. We got pregnant with DS way faster than expected (it took us 13 months with DD and 2 months with DS). It was a bit of a shock even though we were trying. And I felt exactly the same way about not having any more "alone time" with DD. I cried ugly tears about it when we got home from the hospital and realized how different things were. I felt bad that she didn't even get 2 years as an only child and there was already a new baby that would require so much time and attention.

But, DD still gets plenty of attention. DS usually takes a long morning nap, so she gets 2-3 hours of time with me when he's not there. And then other small periods of time during the day when he's sleeping as well. Plus, she really seems to like having him around. Sure, we've had a few instances of not wanting to share toys, hitting him when she's jealous, and acting out when I'm feeding him and she can't have my undivided attention, but most of the time, she likes him and has adjusted well.

We are not breastfeeding this time so I have no advice on that front, except don't pressure yourself to keep going if you don't want to. I would imagine it could be pretty hard to BF with a toddler around, which is one of the reasons I decided not to do it. I hope things go well for you, but if it's stressing you out too much, there's nothing wrong with supplementing or switching to formula. Good luck!

ETA: Just wanted to add, the sleep deprivation did not seem as bad the second time around. Overall DS was a better sleeper than she was in the beginning, so that helped of course, but I also think it was because I knew what to expect. I was anticipating it to be worse.

holly321 · December 2014

Our Los are about the same age difference m. I was freaking out right before ds was born. My water broke at 38 weeks, earlier than I wanted, I wanted more time with dd. I bawled when I left her to go to the hospital. She didn't care I was going, she was having fun playing with her cousins. Like @kleigh926, there is still plenty of 1 on 1 time, your dd will be sleeping, most likely a lot.

That's not to say there wont be a struggle, but everyone will be worth it, because your ds will adore her, and watching them interact will sometimes be more than you can handle. My kids are bffs now and it is adorable. Don't get me wrong, dd went through a very interesting hitting phase, but they play so well together.

Poppy523 · December 2014

I agree with both PPs- still plenty of one on one time. My pedi actually said something to me that made me feel better, not sure other people would have liked it, but he told me not to apologize or feel bad for DD. He said having siblings is a good thing and we didn't do her a disservice by having them close together because down the road they will be perfect playmates. She really doesn't even seem phased. She loves holding her little brother and doesn't even notice when I am nursing, because I usually sit on the floor and play with her.

Nursing was much easier this time, my milk came in quickly and DS has been a much more enthusiastic eater.

Sleeping has been harder for us because DD and DS are struggling with it right now, so I won't lie, I am exhausted but everytime DD goes down for her mandatory afternoon nap, DS and I lay down, I wrap him up and nurse him to sleep. Then I put him wherever he will sleep the longest if I need a nap, even if that means snuggling him. The world always seems brighter after a nap!

holly321 · December 2014

I forgot to answer about nursing. My dd never properly latched. I was supplementing while still at the hospital, I tried pumping, but my body doesn't seem to react properly to he pump. I was done by 7 weeks. With ds, he latched properly, and I ebf until 4 months, then I had surgery and had to pump and dump, and since I don't pump well, I had to supliment. So I didn't nurse much longer, but still, it was so much easier the 2nd time around. And it was easy to spend time with dd while nursing.

ally2011 · December 2014

Remember that he's not going anywhere, you can have mommy son dates anytime you want and leave dd with dad. And it will be great for him to have a sibling close in age, they will love each other and have so much fun together. As hard as it is, it is good for them not to be the center of the world in the long run. I have to remind myself of that everytime we foster

Hugs mama, it will be hard at first but awesome down the road a bit.

lbonga1 · December 2014

DD1 kind of ignored DD2 for the first week or so, but now she wants to give her kisses and hugs all day long. She tries to help by bringing me her blanket or pacifier too; it's really cute. If FI isn't here, and I need to nurse DD2, I'll find something for DD1 to do that will get her to stay in one area for a bit. Some things that have worked well are megabloks, letting her play with dry beans in tupperware bowls with some measuring cups and spoons, puzzles, and of course letting her watch a cartoon.

We're three months in, and I still feel like I have plenty of time with DD1. I still take her to the park, go on walks with them, and I can play with her when DD2 is napping. I may feel differently when I go back to work next month, but we'll see.

kelly321 · December 2014

I realized the other day that when DD1 was as old as DD2 is now, I had my second child (DD2). Hmm. I think that's confusing. I mean that DD1 was 22 months minus a week or so when DD2 was born, and DD1 is now 22 months. In other words, mine are about the same apart as yours will be.

Yes, it can be really, really hard sometimes. But then there are moments when they play together (just started in the last few months, so be patient!) that are so incredibly adorable, and DD1 looks after her little sister so well at DC that it melts my heart. We're now trying to add another, which freaks me out on a whole new level, but I definitely do not regret having DD2 when we did. You will find alone time!

tamarar5 · December 2014

Same boat earlier this year.

DS adjusted okay. It was quite a shock. I had the c/s so I couldn't lift him for several weeks. He went through a mommy revolt period where he wanted nothing to do with me and only wanted DH. That sucked. I do all the work and all the kids like DH better.

But to be honest, bfing has been fine. E doesn't really care. Initially I would put on the TV or something, but he really didn't care what I was doing so he just plays. He's at the stage of loving the baby now. He comes up and pets her head saying, "nice, nice," like she's a dog or something, lol.

singingsea · December 2014

I'm going to feel the exact same way I'm sure (we're TTC #2). He's been my whole world and I worry I'm going to break his heart when we have another.

That being said children are very resilient. My friend just had a baby girl in september and her son has done better than expected (He's 3). He regressed a little bit. He was potty trained and had a few accidents and acted out a little bit but it seems like everything has calmed down and he's adjusted.

My mom said I was pretty bent out of shape when my brother was born. I was 2 and a half. I don't remember any of that. I can't remember life without my bro in it. As kids we'd fight like cats and dogs but we were best friends too. We're close now and we live down the street from each other

So I'm going to keep that in mind during this next pregnancy.

draeray · December 2014

I worry about this too since getting pregnant with #2. BUT, we have an older child who is 8 and my DS adores him so I am hoping that after time, him and this baby will be good friends since they will be 2.5 years apart.

ericalee27 · December 2014

I cried all the way to the hospital to deliver DS2, because I was freaking out about what it would mean for DS1. But you're right - everything will be ok in the end. And it took some time, but we are finally at a good phase where they are really playing together and it is awesome. It took 2 years, but now DS1 not only has us to interact with but DS2 as well, and they are having so much fun playing together now. (knock on wood!)

If anything I have the reverse mommy guilt sometimes that DS2 has never had "alone" time in the family!! It's always something....

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