Travel dilemma for DH

mle106 · December 2014

Morning all! What a wild day on here yesterday- here's hoping today is much more calm! So we live on the east coast, and DH's good friend is getting married in California end of Jan. I'll be 37-38 wks and clearly not going to the wedding, but I know DH would like to go. He also has family out there and would try to make a long weekend out of the trip to see them as well. I really want him to be able to go but worry that baby will come early, etc. and he won't be here. I also worry that if he didn't go the weekend would come and go, I'd still be pregnant and he would have missed the opportunity. Should he stay or should he go? What say you, vipers?

boxerrrmama85 · December 2014

Same dilemma here. We have two close friends who are both getting married on New Years Eve- I will be exactly 36 weeks and will not be allowed to travel. We decided it is best to decline both invites as they were out of state and IF anything were to happen, missing a wedding is not as big a deal as missing the birth of our child.

mahalo3 · December 2014

This is a hard one. I think I would leave the decision up to him. Let him weigh his options. If he goes, he will KNOW there is a chance he will miss the birth. If he is OK taking that chance, then that's his choice.

On a smaller scale, my husband is in a band, and they have a show of 15,000 people the last weekend of January. He has decided to have his back up play for him because he doesn't want to miss the birth, if it happens then. I really don't want him to miss that show because it's a big deal for his band, BUT our baby is a bigger deal. Of course there is chance the baby won't come then, but he would rather bet on the baby. (I'm due Feb. 6).

Again, I would let your husband make the choice, and hope nature and the baby cooperates with whatever he chooses, but don't have hard feelings when they dont.

Tarynhellokitty · December 2014

I have the same predicament here.

my husband has to travel an 8 hour flight overseas for a work and cant get out of it. Ill be 35-36 weeks pregnant. so crossing fingers (and legs) that baby doesnt come early.

really not nice to add that stress to everything else we going through.

Hope it all works out for you.

lizjennings81 · December 2014

For my husband, it'd be a no-go. An unexpected work trip came up around my 35th week (cut-off is 34). He told work they were SOL (keep in mind, he has a lot of leverage there; I know some work situations can't be avoided).

But he'd do the same with a social event. Like everyone said, ultimately, it's not up to us, but I'd just ask your husband to do a cost-benefits analysis of going versus staying.

RedGiant · December 2014

DH has a similar situation. He was asked to support a potential work project delivery in Hawaii sometime in January (we live near DC). He asked what I thought. I told him if it was the first week or so in January I'm ok with that. Much later than the 12th (when I hit 37 weeks) and I would be concerned about going into labor/having the baby while he was away. Plus with an almost 2 year old and a history of fast labor I would not be too excited to do it alone. DH agreed with my concerns. So I would let your DH know what you think and discuss it.

Angeldcf · December 2014

Whatever you/DH are comfortable with knowing that there is a strong possibility he may not be at delivery. That's not a quick flight back.

For me, I would not be ok with this and neither would DH. Seeing fam/friends is important, but we are his family first & foremost. He could travel to see them again, be sad to miss the wedding, but he would be devastated and have regret if he missed the birth of his child by his choice (ie; not away on deployment, etc).

maltwin1 · December 2014

mle106 said:

Morning all! What a wild day on here yesterday- here's hoping today is much more calm! So we live on the east coast, and DH's good friend is getting married in California end of Jan. I'll be 37-38 wks and clearly not going to the wedding, but I know DH would like to go. He also has family out there and would try to make a long weekend out of the trip to see them as well. I really want him to be able to go but worry that baby will come early, etc. and he won't be here. I also worry that if he didn't go the weekend would come and go, I'd still be pregnant and he would have missed the opportunity. Should he stay or should he go? What say you, vipers?

We literally had this EXACT same situation with DS. I wasn't due until Jan 4, but DH was asked to be a groomsman in a good friends wedding on Dec. 18. We live in California and the wedding was in Alabama, so it wouldn't have been easy to go back and forth. We really wrestled with it because we expected that our first baby would be late and assumed we'd have plenty of time for him to be in the wedding and get back before anything happened. In the end we decided that it was just too risky and DH ended up staying home...and it was a good thing too! I went into labor the morning of the 17th and DS was born while our friends were having their rehearsal dinner across the country. If DH had gone it could have a really tricky situation! So my advice would be for him to stay closer to home that late in the game. Its a shame to miss things if nothing ends up happening, but its even worse if he misses the birth because he can't get back in time.

twinklymama · December 2014

I agree with PPs. I'd be saying no, but I guess, it's really up to him, knowing that he might miss the birth.

mle106 · December 2014

Thanks for the feedback ladies! It really confirmed much of my thinking. In my heart of hearts I want DH to choose not to go, but it has to come from him. I'd hate for him to miss the wedding but I'd hate even more for him to miss the birth of our son. Good luck to all who are in similar situations!

Disneygeek77 · December 2014

I wouldn't take the chance. Seeing the birth of your child is more important than seeing a friend get married.

kartish · December 2014

My parents invited my husband to go hunting in January... I said no. If my parents are gone for the birth of their grandchild, no big deal. But DH, no. We have been going to Bradley classes together and he is the only one I want in the labor room. I couldn't do it without him, (well I would if it came down to it for some unknown reason). Maybe I should have given him a choice like you are, but it is also hunting and visiting realatives, not a once in a lifetime event.

t8keepr03 · December 2014

If it was us DH would not be going. We both would be devastated if he missed the birth. There is more of a chance you won't go into labor but if you do would you both care? If you do care and want him to be there for the birth than I would say he doesn't go.

hope0805 · December 2014

It's a hard one. That close I would say no. My husband is an over the road truck driver. I'm having a c-section. But I needed to be delivered at 34 weeks last time. So there is a big chance the May say now and he won't be here. My mom is going to step in for him if he isn't home. Good luck to you!

kefttsc · December 2014

My husband would definitely not be going. Mine is already stressed about going somewhere and leaving me next weekend!

mom2xover2002 · December 2014

If its really important for him to share in this wedding why not see about him Skyping into the wedding? Thus he can see the wedding and semi be apart of if & be there if you need to go to the hospital. Not ideal solution but hey use the technology around you if you can! We've FaceTimed DH before to see our DD's volleyball games, DS's baseball games, band concerts etc b he was out of town for work etc. he wasn't their physically but he was "there" and they loved it.

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