I want to be a SAHM!

lauren889 · December 2014

But how do we know if we can afford it?? Do we see a financial advisor? What to do..

ETA: what's the best thing about being a SAHM. Do you ever regret your decision to stop working?

Alygohome · December 2014

Make a budget? see if its feasible?

lauren889 · December 2014

We are going to do that. Wonderinf what other ladies did too. I was thinking about seeing a financial advisor about it

Ducktale · December 2014

What do you need to see a financial advisor for? Take your SO's income, subtract your expenses, and if you're comfortably in the green you can afford it. It's not a big secret mystery or anything.

erobbins09 · December 2014

Bottom line can you afford it? Most of that you can figure out by yourselves by looking at your spending vs income of whoever will continue to work... Then factor if you will forever? Until a certain age? Through multiple kids (each with compounding expenses)?

Then think of all known expenses.. Then add worst case expenses.. Then add savings for things like college (if you plan to help), how ever many family trips/holidays/vacations etc you can do based on your lifestyle and income... See how it all lines up with your life goals. A financial advisor would be great but you'll be expected to have those types of things answered before you meet with them so talk through it all first to make sure you are on the same page.

Also don't forget to ask yourselves the tough things beyond money... Will being a SAHM be everything you need it to be? (My mom was and I loved having her there.. But I know I need to be pursuing my career for my own life plans).. Make sure you both are equally on board.. What will the responsibilities be like? Will dad still be expected to do household chores? Will he secretly think of his income as being "his money?" Sometimes there is a shift in power with the earner feeling like the other one just spends and spends because they aren't contributing financially...

Haha I feel like a Debbie downer and I can't express enough how much I loved my mom being home with us but, though my parents are still married, I saw a lot of sides of SAHMs and it's so much more than just financial and the most success will come from transparency in expectations! Good luck!

mrs&mrsk · December 2014

Take into account that you may be losing a 401k. I'm sure there are online calculators for that

Also take into consideration that if you leave your field you may not be able to go back easily (have heard this a ton on another board)

kerrigrooves · December 2014

yes, what PP said, make an Excel doc or Google one (I just did and found this) - make sure you include everything entertainment, gas, travel, savings, loans, food, medical etc etc

CatLadyTX · December 2014

We did the math and figured out that it was something that could work for our family. I don't think a financial advisor is necessary.

mali3 · December 2014

A financial advisor is not what you really need here. You need to sit down with your husband, write out all your monthly expenses - bills,due dates, mimum payments and balances. Also take into consideration any spending money you want as well. You need to compare that up against your husbands income and see if it is even feasible to manage. If your husband makes more than enough to cover all the bills, sit down with him and ask him if he is okay with it.

WanderingA · December 2014

Budget, budget, budget. I wanted to be a SAHM with my first child and then when I was laid off I was forced into it. I am fortunate that DH is really great about saving and we have rental incomes that help cushion his income. Even with savings and multiple incomes it's still tight though. I carried the health insurance for our family since DH is self-employed so now we pay for that out-of-pocket which is a big expense (around $500/month plus co-pays and deductible). We very rarely go out to eat or spend money on lavish purchases. My big shopping trips are to Goodwill or thrift stores (which I actually prefer, but it might be an adjustment to some).

Staying at home, for me, has been really difficult but I do like it most days. The best part is the flexibility - not having to schedule vacation time, being able to stay at home in my pajamas if I feel like it, and being free to go explore. But there are also a lot of difficulties...loneliness, lack of adult interaction, not making my own spending money, being "on the job" 24/7. I am also the "default parent" so anytime Adeline needs something it's generally assumed that it's my responsibility. My saving graces have been school work (doing something for myself), making mommy-friends (socialization and getting out of the house) and finding all of the free kids programs in the area (parks, the library, some museums). There are days that I would love to go back to work just to have "me-time" and there are days when I can't imagine doing anything else.

MrsTucker2011 · December 2014

Best advice I got:

Before you become a SAHM, act like you don't have an income. Put every single penny into a savings account. You will quickly find out how far your SO's income will spread. If you can't swing it, you have a savings account to dip in to.

We started this last time when I was 6 months pregnant. I wish we did it sooner, just so we would have more money saved up.

acpruchnik · December 2014

I'm with the rest of the ladies. They hit the nail on the head and you've got a lot of great perspective and advice to go off of!

As far as being a SAHM, I wanted it so badly until I did it. My mum was a SAHM and loved it, as well as us loving having her home, but it's just not for me. A big part of me wishes it was but I also need my career. I felt like I had lost my independence and felt like a bad mom for wanting that back, regardless of how much I loved my DS.

I'm a WAHM now and I love it! I'm able to be home when I need/want to be and I still get my freedom when I send DS with my mum for the day so I can get some work done. Money gets a little tight sometimes but I'm lucky enough to have the ability to pick up extra work when I need to. I feel like I get the best of both worlds and it's exactly what I personally need, along with it being the best option for our family.

Good luck!

chickyclg · December 2014

You need to learn to live one 1 salary, before we got married we were took premarital classes/counseling and when it came to finances we were taught to only live on 1 salary. Even when I was working my paychecks went into our savings account at the credit union. When we were facing our struggle with infertility we were so thankful that we were able to pay for all of the treatments without financing anything. We say those were our "practice days," even though I have substituted some during this pregnancy but for the most part have stayed home.

Also evaluate your reasoning for wanting to be a SAHM, I had a conversation with a friend with her reasoning which was she wanted to relax and spend the day with her kids at home like a weekend. From seeing my SILs as SAHMs I see all they do and it's hard work and they had the same conversation with me. You cook, clean, take care of kiddos, run errands, and repeat daily regardless if you are tired or sick.

Some people are miserable as stay at home parents and others flourish, Good luck with your choice.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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mandamoochie · December 2014

@WanderingA‌ - you are for real my twin. Everything you said, down to the real difficulties of being a SAHM are exactly what I would have said.

MaryS001 · December 2014

Have you considered working part time? DH and I worked out a schedule so that we didn't pay for child care the first year- he was a student and I worked flexible hours, so we both were the stay at home parents.

I really loved having the time to myself at work, but I loved my days at home, too. It was really the best of both worlds, for me.

flyster · December 2014

Another really awesome tool is mint.com . I use that to track all our spending against the budget we had made. you can add in monthly saving for non monthly expenses, like car repairs (both our cars are old, so we have to budget for biggest fixes a few times a year) so they don't sneak up on you. Mint works best if most of your spending is on credit cards or direct deposits though. If you pay most things in cash, it won't help you figure out where that is going.

lauren889 · December 2014

Thanks for the advice ladies!

psychobutthead · December 2014

flyster said:

Another really awesome tool is mint.com . I use that to track all our spending against the budget we had made. you can add in monthly saving for non monthly expenses, like car repairs (both our cars are old, so we have to budget for biggest fixes a few times a year) so they don't sneak up on you. Mint works best if most of your spending is on credit cards or direct deposits though. If you pay most things in cash, it won't help you figure out where that is going.

Is mint free? I'd be concerned with entering all my bank info. How long have you used it and have you had any issues?

flyster · December 2014

psychobutthead yup its free. Had it probably 2 years I think. DH likes having different credit cards for best points/cash back so it made keeping track of things much simpler. No issues so far. I was also leery of giving it my bank info, so I totally get that but for me the benefits outweigh the potential security risk.

psychobutthead · December 2014

So I'm curious how do people actually set up a budget? We've never really had a set budget because I have always worked.

How do we even begin making one? We were going through our finances tonight and we spend over $1,000 a month on food. Thats groceries,fast food, and restaurants. My jaw dropped because I never knew we spent that much.

AnotherSun · December 2014

I use mvelopes, it's similar to mint.com. It helped us create a budget that we could stick to and pay off credit cards.

psychobutthead · December 2014

See the only debt we have is our house, car note, and my pregnancy medical bills. Other than that we have no debt or credit cards. But some how we manage to spend that obscene amount of money on fast food.

I think I'll check out mvelopes. Do you have to give your bank info for that to?

Angeldcf · December 2014

I always wanted to be SAHM.....until I did it. I didn't like being home all day with a newborn, limited adult interaction, no 401k (did Roth still), and I was still in school for a new career. We both work full-time now, and it's perfect for us.

When we first married, we aggressively paid off debt (cc, cars, a few student loans) and saved 20% for house downpayment. We pre-qual'd for a huge mortgage (pre-recession), but only bought based off his salary (about 1/2 of mine at the time). Good thing bc I was laid off 10 months later and had a nice e-fund. Didn't have a FT job for 5 more years (always freelanced or worked PT and did nursing school).

The lack of contribution to 401k (especially loss from a company match) for several years at a young age is often overlooked when discussing if one can "stay home" for awhile. If so, you really need to still be contributing to an IRA and/or maxing out Roth.

AnotherSun · December 2014

You can choose to manually enter everything into mvelopes. I put my bank info in because I'm lazy. I've been using it for 6 years without a problem, but manual is an option. Ps- Awesome that you are debt free! Great job!

psychobutthead · December 2014

yeah when I tell people we don't have credit cards they always looks at me shocked. that was something we both always felt strongly about was no credit cards.

I checked out the mvelopes site. I like how they havea bunch of different money saving methods. Like essentially telling you to do a 30 day fiscal fast. I think that site would be more useful for us.

erobbins09 · December 2014

Just to touch on mint.com... My dad was a partner in one of the largest financial companies in the world prior to retirement and he uses mint.com personally. It's an amazing, secure and safe way of laying out all of your finances. Just want to watch your bank and spending? It works. Want to track all of your liquid/nonliquid assets? It works.

He gets a little tooo involved in it my mom would say

but yeah.. That is all.

babycfeb2015 · December 2014

I also have used mint for years and love it. I plan to be a SAHM for at least 6 months then work pt. We have lived off my DHs salary ever since getting married so mine has always been our savings/backup. Highly recommend that as well.

flyster · December 2014

psychobutthead I love budgets

I've had one since I started working cause my first few years I was at a pretty low income job for my area and had to be really careful to avoid taking on debt. The way I did ours was starting in excel, putting all the fixed monthly expenses. Ours are pretty simple for monthly expenses...pretty much mortgage, student loan payment, electric, phones and internet, gas to get to work, groceries, personal allowances. Non monthly stuff I divide up over the time period to save for: Car Insurance, oil for the heat and hot water (this is by far the toughest to predict) DH's tuition.

Pretty much then take and compare against our post tax income, which already has retirement and health insurance taken out. I've put in amounts of money for savings for things like car repairs and vacation, and the left over amount is how much we can put on credit cards each month in variable spending. Our food budget is pretty low. I count all groceries in the monthly expense and and we have about $400 a month budgeted for the 2 of us. Non grocery food is part of our variable spending if its for the two of us, but lunches we buy at work come out of the personal allowances we have given ourselves that go directly to private bank accounts (so I don't know how much DH spends on video games

) The goal was to incentivize us to cook more and save money, but our allowances have been pretty generous so that hasn't been an issue. That will probably change when baby gets here, cause our allowances will mostly go away.

I had said above that we put pretty much everything on credit cards, so that makes it really easy to track, but we pay them off each month. I have friends that pay for everything in cash, and they will just take out the amount they get per week for food and gas for example and just have to stay within that. We have been really fortunate however in our finances: Neither of us have been without work for a significant amount of time and we haven't had major medical expenses or family emergencies, so we have been able to set the budget and live within it.

There are tons of resources online though that can give you a template to start a budget and the key is really finding something that works for you, that is easy to manage and that you check consistently. You also really have to be honest with your spending and think about the non-routine stuff that comes up.

Angeldcf · December 2014

Also check out the (old Nest) Money Matters board. These ladies are excellent are helping to start a budget & seeing where you can cut.

https://pandce.****/board/28

psychobutthead · December 2014

Angeldcf said:

Also check out the (old Nest) Money Matters board. These ladies are excellent are helping to start a budget & seeing where you can cut.
https://pandce.****/board/28

ok definately going to check this out!

My only issue is growing up no one ever taught me or showed me how to budget or anything about money. No one even ever taught me how to fill out a check until I got with my husband.

My family never did budgets and for DH his mother handled all of the families finances and budgeting and now she spends money like its nothing so we don't really have any good examples. My dad is also big on getting everything on credit, which we try to always avoid.

I feel like I hijacked this thread, sorry OP.

twinklymama · December 2014

psychobutthead said:

Angeldcf said:

Also check out the (old Nest) Money Matters board. These ladies are excellent are helping to start a budget & seeing where you can cut.
https://pandce.****/board/28

ok definately going to check this out!

My only issue is growing up no one ever taught me or showed me how to budget or anything about money. No one even ever taught me how to fill out a check until I got with my husband.

My family never did budgets and for DH his mother handled all of the families finances and budgeting and now she spends money like its nothing so we don't really have any good examples. My dad is also big on getting everything on credit, which we try to always avoid.

I feel like I hijacked this thread, sorry OP.

A budget, per Dave Ramsey (that guy knows what he's doing), is you spending every dollar you make each month ON PAPER, ON PURPOSE. Basically, you are telling your money where to go, instead of wondering where it went. Spending every dollar on paper means that you put each dollar in a category, it doesn't necessarily mean you actually SPEND it. It might be in a savings category or in a temporary saving category until you need to spend it. Budgets are actually fun and everyone needs one, not just people who have a "lower income". You can check out www.DaveRamsey.com for additional tips on budgeting.

Also important to know about budgets: it will not be something you do once and it never changes. It needs to be done every month (or if you prefer, each pay period), because expenses and income fluctuate from time to time. Also, don't let yourself give up because you blew the budget one month ( or the first few months). Compare your budget to your actual spending and see where you might need to make adjustments for the next month. A lot of people underestimate food spending. For more tips on budgets, check out www.daveramsey.com. You can do it!

lauren889 · December 2014

@psychobutthead‌ no worries at all

stephanierobertspaeker · December 2014

It's a blessing and a curse. Not very good for people who like a lot of adult interaction. I have been a stay home mom since my last one (now 2) was born and go crazy many days with the same routine over and over ... But it's always pros and cons. At least you have more time with the kids .

jknallen · December 2014

I have been a SAHM for the past 6 years and while it has it good points there are also bad points.

Definitely do a budget and see if you can financially afford to be a SAHM.

There are a lot of things that you can do with two incomes that become harder with one income. Not impossible. Like for example, going out to eat, and on vacations are much less often than when we had two incomes.

Being a SAHM is also harder emotionally. Out of my entire group of friends I was the only SAHM which made it a bit lonely at times. Since becoming a SAHM I have certainly found other SAHM friends and its much better now. But if you are not willing to put in an effort to do that it can be quite lonely.

Doing the same things every......single.......day...... can get monotonous. And talking to kids all day can get to you. I found that once I started talking with another adult it was like you clung onto them and didn't want to stop talking and would talk their ear off just because you were getting some adult interaction.

Being a SAHM has also been great. My kids have got to spend a ton of time with me and I am always home if they are sick from school or if the school calls me for some reason and I need to come by. I can take them to all their activities after school and on weekends. I don't have to try to figure out vacation days that go with my husbands.

I guess basically what Im trying to say in this very long winded post is that there is more to think about other than just financially doable. Think of everything that you will be giving up and gaining by staying home and leaving a job.

wintersong139 · December 2014

psychobutthead said:

See the only debt we have is our house, car note, and my pregnancy medical bills. Other than that we have no debt or credit cards. But some how we manage to spend that obscene amount of money on fast food.

I think I'll check out mvelopes. Do you have to give your bank info for that to?

Seriously, between the two of us, we limit ourselves to $250 for groceries, $75 for lunches, and $50 for dinners out. We just do a lot of cooking at home and take leftovers for lunch, and even though it does mean we can't eat everything we want, we also live pretty comfortably. (I'll add that birthday dinners and stuff like that is calculated in a completely different category since it changes month to month.)

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