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Parenting
LaBellaVida
member
Anyone here have teenagers?
LaBellaVida
member
in Parenting
Hey! I don't go here, I stay pretty close to my BMB's. I occasionally lurk patenting though. This is going to get long.
Anyway, I am at a loss as to what to do with my teenage son, who is 14. He is failing in school, big time! Every class he's got F's. We try and help him out as much as we can, but if we help him anymore we'll be doing his assignments for him, and turning them in. Recently, he had 44 missing assignments, 28 of them being in math alone. We got his missing assignments together, and for the last month we've been working on them at home after school trying to get him caught back up. He is also supposed to go to tutoring 3 times a week for additional help.
Today is the end of the 6 week grading cycle, so we checked his progress online, and it shows now he's got 64 missing assignments! My husband and I were speechless! Come to find out all that work we've helped him on, not a single page was turned in! It's done, it's ready for turn in.... But he refuses to turn in his assignments!
We also learned that he hasn't been going to tutoring after school 3 times a week, so we are suspecting he's at his friends house that he's been grounded from.
His teacher included a note next to a missing assignment that was due yesterday, that he "refused to participate." It was an assignment he had to speak in front of the class.
When asked what is going on, his answer is always "I don't know." Or "I forgot. "
We've talked to him numerous times about how important school is, and we've set up goals with him to get him back on track. He never follows through with his set of goals. He will literally sit in class and do nothing!
We've stripped everything from his room. He's got a bed, a lamp and his dresser. That's it. We've grounded him. We've taken his friends away in hopes that would motivate him to at least try in school. He's not trying, at all. He doesn't care.
It's so hard for me to watch him go through this. He's making it harder on himself.
He's from a previous relationship. He Flys to his dad's house regularly for visits. His dad doesn't really seem to care, and he doesn't hold him responsible for his actions when it comes to school. It's always a fun party there. Going to movies, shopping, vacations, ect. I understand his dad wants to enjoy his time with him, but I feel there needs to come a point that all that stuff is cut off until he does better in school. Those things are privileges, and things that should be earned.
My husband and I do our best, but we are both at a dead end on what to do to help. How do you help someone who just doesn't care?
We are very frustrated, and I know my son is too.
Any advice? Anyone going through similar situations?
Anyway, I am at a loss as to what to do with my teenage son, who is 14. He is failing in school, big time! Every class he's got F's. We try and help him out as much as we can, but if we help him anymore we'll be doing his assignments for him, and turning them in. Recently, he had 44 missing assignments, 28 of them being in math alone. We got his missing assignments together, and for the last month we've been working on them at home after school trying to get him caught back up. He is also supposed to go to tutoring 3 times a week for additional help.
Today is the end of the 6 week grading cycle, so we checked his progress online, and it shows now he's got 64 missing assignments! My husband and I were speechless! Come to find out all that work we've helped him on, not a single page was turned in! It's done, it's ready for turn in.... But he refuses to turn in his assignments!
We also learned that he hasn't been going to tutoring after school 3 times a week, so we are suspecting he's at his friends house that he's been grounded from.
His teacher included a note next to a missing assignment that was due yesterday, that he "refused to participate." It was an assignment he had to speak in front of the class.
When asked what is going on, his answer is always "I don't know." Or "I forgot. "
We've talked to him numerous times about how important school is, and we've set up goals with him to get him back on track. He never follows through with his set of goals. He will literally sit in class and do nothing!
We've stripped everything from his room. He's got a bed, a lamp and his dresser. That's it. We've grounded him. We've taken his friends away in hopes that would motivate him to at least try in school. He's not trying, at all. He doesn't care.
It's so hard for me to watch him go through this. He's making it harder on himself.
He's from a previous relationship. He Flys to his dad's house regularly for visits. His dad doesn't really seem to care, and he doesn't hold him responsible for his actions when it comes to school. It's always a fun party there. Going to movies, shopping, vacations, ect. I understand his dad wants to enjoy his time with him, but I feel there needs to come a point that all that stuff is cut off until he does better in school. Those things are privileges, and things that should be earned.
My husband and I do our best, but we are both at a dead end on what to do to help. How do you help someone who just doesn't care?
We are very frustrated, and I know my son is too.
Any advice? Anyone going through similar situations?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone here have teenagers?
He struggles a little in math. But mostly he knows his stuff. He's a smart kid, he just isn't applying himself like he should.
@Regal Mama
He's just been getting progressively worse with the not caring, and not even trying.
I actually have called a therapist and we have an appointment already.
@PeanutButterFox
Yes, he's on a 504 plan. We've talked to his counselor at school about him going into a "special ed" type of class and they said they can't do that because he doesn't qualify for it.
We've got an upcoming IEP /504 plan renewal, so I'll specially ask about this.
He has improved significantly but it's not just on him, I had to work just as hard and most of it was keeping constant communication with the teachers.
I just want to add, speaking from my own personal experience with testing as a teenager, sometimes waiting too long may skew scores.
I was a lot like the OP describes.
To an outsider I didnt care about school, but I did. The ability to stay focused was at its worst during subjects I had zero interest, and I'm a visual learner and I had zero knowledge of the proper studying practices for myself until the moment I took final exams in my senior year of college. I am able to stay organized now because I found ways to work....I'm self taught. I also got through passing college by pure luck IMO.
My parents waited until I was 13/14, when my grades were in the crapper, and the test scores determined I was fine. However, I knew I was being tested so my mind hyper focused on the testing. My sons psychologist said that, that is the case with some children!
Young children will help keep scores more accurate.
He has never been a part of the IEP or 504 plan discussions, but I'd like him to be. I'll make sure that happens this time, that way he knows, and he can help make goals.
I think he is lacking confidence as well. Hopefully once he starts therapy it'll help him, and me understand this better and we can get him on track to be successful.
I tell him all the time how smart he is, he really is!
Was there anything your parents did to help you? Did you just one day snap into it? Anything help you? Anything motivate you?
I actually had a good talk with him tonight about what he's feeling. He opened up a little- not a whole lot. ... But I'll take it. It's a step.
I've been encouraging students to take advantage of technology - use planner apps, set reminders on their phone, etc. Both to remember to do homework, and get it turned in. Is that an option? It could go off at the end of every clad proud with a reminder.
I'm just thinking if you see him do work at home, but the teacher never gets it, that might help.
Do any of the teachers accept online work? My students can email assignments and sometimes, they'll email me pictures of something they completed but left at home. That way, he can do the work and pass it in ASAP and not worry about losing it in the black hole of a backpack.
I have some kids who do a parental-enforced progress report every week. It's the kid's responsibility to bring it to the teacher and the teacher gives marks for homework/conduct/classwork from that week. If the kid doesn't bring it home, or doesn't meet parents expectations, there's a consequence.
His one teacher allowed him to finish his power point presentation at home and we've emailed that, but as far as I know everything else is stuff done on paper in class. .. With the exception of his game design class.
I like the idea of the parent enforced progress report, so I'll bring that up during our meeting with the school.
He mentioned yesterday during our talk that he doesn't like to ask his teachers for help, despite knowing that he needs help on certain things. Any idea how we can encourage him to ask his teachers for help?
@Soxgirl07
That one on one time that they're forced to spend with me helps. They have my undivided attention, unlike in class, so I can go over the whole homework and catch where they struggle. And I think it makes them feel like they might as well ask their questions/they get more comfortable.
Good luck.
Anyway, I have found with my DS that he is VERY motivated with positive reinforcement. He was really struggling and I met with his teacher and she made a point of telling him he did a good job on something and he felt so much better about himself, and stopped hating school for about 2 weeks, and with that started trying harder. Unfortunately about 2 weeks later we've slid back into "school is torture" but I meet with his teacher again Monday so I plan on telling her how much that compliment meant to him and encourage more positive reinforcement.
Anyway, our school has a program that you customize that when your childs grade goes below a certain level (you set the level) you are immediately emailed. I believe you can also set it to be notified when a certain number of homework assignments have not been turned in, and the teachers put the homework on the website so you know what is due. Maybe something like this would be an option?