MIL drama, advice please — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

MIL drama, advice please

in-laws are planning on visiting us for Thanksgiving. They have yet to meet LO who will be 4 weeks by then. My MIL keeps saying how she is sick and thinks she has bronchitis and refuses to go to the doctor. I told DH that I do not want her around LO and she is persistent that they are coming.DH won't stand up for me because he doesn't want to upset his mom. I understand she will be pissed at us, but seriously our baby is more important. How do I say something without sounding rude, if that's even possible?

Re: MIL drama, advice please

  • If it were me I wouldn't worry about if I sounded rude or not. If your DH isn't willing to stand up then you need to and with the perspective that your only job right now is to protect and love your baby and your LO does not have the immune system to be subjected to those types of germs. Period. Best of luck, I have found myself in similar situations and I simply don't care what anyone thinks anymore.
  • I am going through something VERY similar! Me and my husband's mother DO NOT get along. She just recently found out she has bronchitis and the Doctor thinks she may have pneumonia. Well, she's going in for a CT scan tomorrow because the Doctor found something on her lung when she had her x-ray to see if she had pneumonia. I have told my husband over and over again, that even if she's on antibiotics I'm still going to be worried. I have also told his mother that if she's still coughing while she's here for Thanksgiving, I can't let her hold the baby. If I were you I would put it this way to your husband and his family, "I'm not going to let something short term (like their visit), have a long lasting effect on the baby (like LO getting sick)" It's not fair to the baby and not fair to whomever has to take care of that baby. My son will be 3 months old this Sunday and my husband's mother has seen him once so she's been face booking almost every day about how she's going to eat my son up… Not thrilled at all that she'll be here but I have to suck it up for the holidays! (And I promise I'm not a little brat, she's been trying to ruin our marriage since we met) Good luck!
  • Your baby's wellness is of the utmost importance in this situation. I understand that your MIL wants to see your baby, but it's ridiculous to think that she would show up and potentially expose her newborn grandchild to bronchitis or whatever it is she has. It's important to remember that little babies can't fight off illnesses like adults or even older children can. If she wants to think that you and your DH are rude for not wanting your child to be around her right now for that reason, then that's simply too bad for her.

    I agree with @BubblesMartin that your DH needs to stand up to his mom and the two of you need to have a united front when dealing with her. Personally, I don't think you should be the one that has to confront her about it. After all, she is HIS mother.

    Tell your DH to think about it this way: Wouldn't you rather that she has to get over being irrationally angry than your LO have to potentially get over a serious illness? It should be a no-brainer, IMO. 

    [Deleted User]howin23
  • Your husband needs to grow a pair. And your MIL is being incredibly selfish. I would say something directly to MIL yourself if your husband refuses (even though you shouldn't have to). If she refuses to not come and your DH won't stand up to her, then I would just leave on Thanksgiving with my LO and be somewhere else until their visit is over. Yeah it would suck to spend your holiday that way, but it sure beats having your LO in the ER. If they are upset, too bad.


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    RedBaramidhowin23
  • Thank you everyone. I had a long talk with hubby and we are finally on the same page. I appreciate all of your support!
    bohemianlcMrsJCool
  • Good to know.  You are on the same page.

    Next time he pulls the "But my mom will be upset " crap, you look at him straight in the eye and say " Look buddy, someone in this situation is going to be upset, so you can either upset your mommy or you can upset me.  You know, the woman you sleep next to every night, the woman you vowed to ' put above all others ' , and the woman who gave birth to your baby ?  So who's it going to be me or your mom."

    I have had to say this once and only once to my husband.  It was like a light bulb went off and he realized that his was wife going to be upset too.  
    [Deleted User]Weezy56MrsJCoolhowin23
  • Ugh it's so selfish of someone with an illness such as bronchitis to want to come visit a newborn. I would honestly have no problem telling them hell no. I've had bronchitis and there's no way I would allow myself to touch or be around a newborn. Good luck. Glad your Dh got on the same page.
    Me 42, DH 33, TTC for about a year naturally (but no protection for 4 yrs). Together 6 yrs, married June 2014.
    CD 3, FSH of 15, E2 67, AMH 0.43, LH 6.2, normal HSG test
    DH good count but low volume, 87% motility, 1% morphology
    IUI#1 - Nov 2014, 100 mg clomid and HCG, 2 large follies 20 & 16mm (7 follies total). BFN
    IVF# 1 Jan 2014, 225 Gonal F, 225 Menopur, Ganirelix, 4R/3M/1F w/ICSI - PUPO!
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