Christmas Travel-Advice Please :) (Not really BR)

wirtlehm · December 2014

Morning Ladies,

I hate to start a new thread for this but I really wanted some opinions and this will be a pretty long explanation so I thought this was probably the way to go!

My mom & grandmother live around Harrisburg, PA. DH & I live around Cincinnati, OH. My grandmother sent me a message on Tuesday saying she wanted to have Christmas at her house this year (they did nothing last year) on Dec. 21. She then sent me another text yesterday saying "I'll pay for the gas too". So this, of course, makes me feel guilty, my theory is if she's willing to pay for the gas she must really want us to come. HOWEVER, I have 3 concerns with going (and this is where I'm looking for advice!)...

1. (the only one concerning me and bring pregnant) Is it really safe for me to travel 8+ hrs, in the car, while I'm 7 months pregnant? Idk, for some reason I remember my mother in law saying it wouldn't be good for circulation (not sure if this is true or if she's full of shit)...

2. DH is having oral surgery on Dec. 18 and we'd have to leave on the 19th. He says "oh I'll be fine" wtfe, you don't know how you'll feel! You've NEVER had this procedure done before!

3. DH & I and my moms BF have not spoken in a year a and half. Last time they were in town, her boyfriend got belligerently drunk at a pool party at our house and we had to call the police on him. I know that my grandmother dislikes him but I also know that my mom won't go if he isn't invited, so I'm sure my grandmother will "bite the bullet" and say it's ok for him to come. Well DH is adamant that he does NOT want to see, talk to or be around the BF. I told him sometimes as adults we have to be around people we hate and of course he just pitched a fit...

My grandmother, while very young, has been very ill most of her life (although you wouldn't know it!) and in the last two years has been seriously hospitalized twice. We REALLY want to go and see her but I'm not sure how to over come all three concerns. Any advice/opinions is welcome, I just want to be sure that I don't have tunnel vision when it comes to this.

jennjilljo · December 2014

You should ask your OB and your husbands oral surgeon about traveling medically. The rules will be different for everyone. My SIL drove 8 hours from FL to NC at 36 weeks where I wouldn't even attempt it. I was unsure about a 4 hour drive at 30 weeks.

As far as the bf situation goes I would say determine if it's more important to see your grandma or avoid your mom's bf. I can understand that situation because there's someone who lives with my grandma that I can't stand so I have to suck it up at least once a year to go see her.

CatLadyTX · December 2014

Your MIL is right about your circulation. If you make plenty of stops to get up and move around, you should be ok. As far as your husband, I would check with his oral surgeon. Odds are, he will still be on some heavy pain killers and likely won't be eating solid foods yet.

As far as the situation with your mom's BF, if you do attend maybe you can stay at a hotel. That way, you always have the excuse of needing to go back and rest for a little while if you need a break from him.

t8keepr03 · December 2014

I agree with previous posters. If you do travel you will want to stop a lot to get out of the car and walk. Circulation is an issue, I'm traveling 5 hours at 31 weeks pregnant. My doctor said as of now we can go but we need to stop every 45 mins to an hour so I can stretch my legs and get blood flowing. I know my DH wouldn't want to travel like that after a surgery of any kind but that would be up to your DH and his doctor. I also would stay at a hotel since he is recovering from surgery and you might want some rest.

wirtlehm · December 2014

Thanks! I have an apt on Friday so I was going to ask the OB her opinion about the travel but I remembered that a lot of ladies on here travel for work and stuff so I thought maybe it'd be nice to get some opinions.

I'll talk to DH about what's more important to him tonight, seeing my grandma or not seeing the BF.

As for the oral surgery, I think DH just needs to "play it by ear" and see how he's feeling... if he's up to it then great, if not then we'll have to stay home.

I guess I'll probably just tell my grandma we can't commit because of all these reasons. It's probably going to be a last minute decision on our part!

mahalo3 · December 2014

I agree with asking dr.s about travel. I personally would suck it up and go. It sounds like it means a lot to your grandmother. I wouldn't want to deal with the boyfriend, but I would for Grandma.

CogDis · December 2014

1.
We're doing a 9 hr drive when I'm 33weeks and again at 35 or 36 weeks, to visit family over the holidays before LO arrives. My midwife is fine with it. We'll be stopping frequently to stretch out legs and I'll wear compression socks. My pregnancy is low risk, so I fall into the "I'm just pregnant" and can do most things camp.

2. Oral surgery is pretty broad. Is he getting his jaw operated on as the primary area of concern or is his jaw involved only because it is wisdom teeth? My answer would depend on the seriousness of the surgery. Lots of oral surgeries are simple outpatient procedures with minimal recovery time. Myself, friends and family have had various oral surgeries and been back to work, playing hockey, or out partying the day of. However, I have a friend who had to have their jaw wired shut as part of the recovery after a major jaw reduction surgery and he wasn't out and about for a week or so (his surgery was inpatient, not outpatient).

If it is wisdom teeth, and the surgeon has given no cause for concern, then chances are it'll be fine.

3. I think you answered this yourself. As adults we have to be in the same space as people we don't like. I feel you pain. My "step mother" (who is about 4-5 yrs older than me) is a real piece of work, we haven't spoken since September 2013. But, I'll be doing holiday dinners and presents and whatever with her. My focus will just be in the people I do like.

wirtlehm · December 2014

@CogDis,

1. I'm pretty much with you in the "I'm just pregnant" camp, no worries so far!

2. It's a pretty minor procedure from what I've read, he'll be in some discomfort but most people say that the pain is manageable with OTC Advil.

3. I'm glad to hear someone else say this, I thought maybe I was just being a whiny "b" because I want to go and maybe I just wasn't being understanding enough of his concerns. I told him to do the same thing you said (more or less), just talk to the people you want to be around and don't go out of your way to be around him.

Jensoprano82 · December 2014

I would check with your OB if you're really concerned. I asked permission to do a four hour drive yesterday and got a big fat "no".... But I've had complications. The biggest worry (as long as you're going to take walk breaks for circulation) is being far away from a hospital but it's not like you want to drive through rural Wyoming for six hours with no major cities. I think you'll be ok but again, id check.

CogDis · December 2014

Well I hope it works out! Good luck convincing SO! Maybe promise to "save" him from any potential awkward situations with the BF (pregnancy ought to help in that department)?

I have to admit I'm dreading the awkwardness and anger and hurt that will arise with my SM, but I focus on the prize (my adorable niece) to get through it. Do you guys have any adorable LOs to focus on? That might help. Otherwise, maybe focus on Turkey! Lol.

erobbins09 · December 2014

A lot of good advice but I think what I liked the most was your "let's play it by ear" stance. I do think when a grandparent wants you around badly enough it's pretty important to take then up on it because... You just never know (I know she's younger you said but health seems to also be a concern). Ultimately I'm sure your H can deal with the BF... For the very reason you mentioned. You just have to.

Maybe plan a spot or two to stop on the way.. One for lunch/breakfast and one for a snack or something so you have mandatory stop time.. I know I always say I'll stop but the last couple hours I just want to "push through" on a road trip and get there already so maybe having a plan on where and when you are stopping will ensure you move around. Good luck!

Dannylion24 · December 2014

Over thanksgiving I roadtripped it 20 hours each way from nj to fl at 30 weeks preggers and I do have circulation issues (blood clots and severe varicose veins). Ditto on all the PPs who suggested checking w your doc, drinking water, stretching, and wearing stockings. I was in an RV for about 2/3rds of the trip so moving around wasn't an issue.

My only concern w the dental surgery would be whether or not your DH could drive ... But if you're planning on being behind the wheel if need be than Id think it would be fine.

Odds are your DH and your mom's BF will have to be in he same room together at some point in the future - might as well get it over with now, especially since your grandma's health has been poor recently.

Good luck! Keep us posted and have a wonderful holiday

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