DH Deployment before birth

funsies · December 2014

Just found out DH will most likely be deployed in April and gone for the first six months of this LO's life. I'm scared, and sad, and anxious. My DD will be 2.5 years old and she is such a daddy's girl, I know she will miss him immensely. I had PPD with DD and DH was my rock through it all. I won't be telling anyone IRL about this deployment until it is certain he is going, but in the meantime I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance, advice, a good stern talking to telling me to buck up, from anyone who has been through something similar.

LEMSA · December 2014

I don't have words of wisdom, but there's a board for military families on the bump. From what I hear they are quite supportive. I hope all goes well for you and your family.

kamomo1 · December 2014

I'm a military spouse though my husband has never deployed, so I don't have advice there. But what I would say, is make sure you have a good support network where you are at, if you're not close to family. I know a few spouses who have gone back to the states to be with family while the DH was deployed. Depending on where you're located there are support groups outside of his command/unit too. Being friends with spouses in the unit that are going through the same thing or maybe people outside of the unit. In my opinion because I am overseas I would go back to the states and be with family for the summer or once passports are available. He could also see about taking PTAD before he deploys and be sent out later, depending on when they leave and when you're due. Hope everything goes well.

funsies · December 2014

@kamomo1‌ we were overseas for our last assignment but are back in the states now, although not close to family. I agree, I would have moved back to the states of overseas as well. We have a good support system in our community here although I don't know any other military families where we live. I thankful I will have friends to call on if I need help.

Munchkin42015 · December 2014

Military spouse here too! My best friend went through the exact same thing and all I could do was be there for her. If you have a close friend they will help you and if not, I would possibly suggest moving back home until he gets back. There was a girl in my husband's squadron who decided to pack up and move home during her husbands entire deployment so she could have someone there with her and her newborn. Just a few thoughts. I know that with us, our church family was a blessing where we were previously stationed and we also had a key spouses group who were in charge of checking on the wives of the deployed soldiers and making sure they were okay, were adjusting, and that they always had anything and everything they needed. Our base even had special events like "spa days" (which included day care for those that needed it) for those spouses with deployed soldiers. I can reassure you that you are not the only person going through this even though it might seem like you are. There is a great support system of women who are going through the same thing you are, and of women who just want to listen to you and help. My best advice to give is to not turn away help when you need it the most. I hope everything works out for you guys and your family. If deployment is something in the cards for him this coming spring, maybe he can catch a little bit later deployment. But know that we're here for you (no matter how weird or creepy that sounds)! (:

shayrenee86 · December 2014

This is exactly why DH and I both got out of the Navy. I can't imagine how hard that would be. I've worked in labor and delivery in the Navy and it was so hard to see the women not being able to share the beauty and love of a birth with their husband. I really hope you can go home or have family with you. Don't be afraid to lean on them when you really need it.

TheWindCriesMary · December 2014

Navy wife and pregnant with our first, been through two deployments but thankfully he's on shore duty for the next two years.
Not sure what branch your DH is in but do they have an FRG? Or something similar? I joined during his first deployment and met some great friends and support. Even if you don't join, they usually hold meetings and events and that's a great place to meet other spouses going through similar situations. You might also be able to find spouses in your area through fb groups?
Sorry you might have to go through this!!

mhickey426 · December 2014

I am very sorry that he will be deployed at that time. You have every right to feel the way you do. i just wanted to send some good vibes your way.

mrsalvidrez · December 2014

I can't possibly relate, but I am so sorry and want to say thank you for your husband's willingness to serve our country. We often forget that involves leaving behind a family sometimes and that is truly admirable. I wish you all the best and hope you are able to gain support from those around you to get through the time he is gone.

funsies · December 2014

Thanks all for the support and suggestions. @TheWindCriesMary‌ he is Air Force. I don't know if there is an FRG I can join...we live a bit far from the base so I actually have only been once since we moved here four months ago.
@galnoir‌ a doula is a good idea. The birth center where I am delivering actually has doulas on call at no charge so I can request one when I go into labor. The disadvantage is I wouldn't know her beforehand but at least would have someone other than the medical staff with me.
So many things to consider...

mnharkcom · December 2014

It sucks. My husband is deployed for a year got pregnant the week before he left. And won't be back till August. I guess be thankful that he's here for most of it. I mean obviously it sucks and a lot of us go through it. You'll just have to mentally prepare yourself. Hopefully you have some family and friends around to help out. Sorry to hear this.

redheaded14 · December 2014

I don't have any advice to share, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Thank you to your DH, you, your family and all the other military families here for the sacrifices you make.

pnutg · December 2014

I have no experience or advice, I just wanted to say I can only imagine how hard that would be! I know I would move home while he's deployed to have help with the kids. And thank you to you and your H for your service.

KayDeeKay81 · December 2014

I fall into the no advice category but I do think that if must be so hard for Military families. I really respect the sacrifice that Military wives must make. I'm sending positive thoughts your way

topaz7777 · December 2014

This happened to my best friend also, he was able to come home for about 3 days when she delivered and he left again. I was able to make it up for her delivery, and she had a doula just in case, but she wasn't alone. It's so hard when they aren't there, especially for the really scary and important things. Definitely check out the military board on the bump, it's very helpful. Also, make some friends with the wives of the other guys deploying with him. Having a support system really helps, some of them might really be able to help you out.

SaraJane137 · December 2014

We're in a slightly similar boat. My husband is deployed now, and will be until sometime after this LO arrives. If I'm honest, it sucks. Mostly because he doesn't get to share in any of the experiences right now (kicks, anatomy scan, first moments.)
I have tearful moments but for the most part just tough through it. If you need to talk to someone who understands, I'm here, and I think there are also some groups on here for this same stuff.
I hope things change for you guys and he doesn't have to go.
God Bless!

knitfastdiewarm · December 2014

I'm really sorry for the stress and worry you are going through. I have no advice but I grew up an AF brat. My Dad was stationed in Korea for a year and miss the birth of my sister and the first 9 months of her life. It was really hard on my Mom. She opted to move us back in with her parents so she would have a support system until Dad came home. I don't know what the best thing for your situation would be but I hope you are able to have a good group of people around to help you get through this deployment.

dana1047 · December 2014

My dad will be home in 6 days. This is his 5th deployment. My DH is not military, but I'm much older (10 years) than my sister.

My dad deployed when she was 6 weeks old during the gulf war. He was one of the first deployed and last to come home. She was 1 week shy of 2 when he returned. She didn't recognize him. This was LONG before they had internet capabilities in that area.

Now you can use regular cell phones, FaceTime, Skype etc to stay in touch.

Every company has a family support group. If you haven't joined, I'd recommend you to do so. Military wives are a great support system.

Tonysgirl03 · December 2014

Sadly, I have done this with my husband. He did a year remote starting when I was 6 months pregnant. Our girls were 2 and 1. We ended up moving in with my parents for the year. He watched our son born over webcam. Our girls would wave at EVERY airplane, chopper, or flying object assuming it was daddy

. The men that flew the Apache helicopters started waving back at them as they did their practice flights. Totally made the girls spirits soar. It's hard at times. But, make small milestones each month to get you by. Movie releases to take the kids to ( go during the day is easiest),special trips to someplace fun... Doesn't have to be big, but something to look forward to

you can do this!!

Coco118 · December 2014

Another military spouse sending you hugs! I've been through 3 deployments but thankfully all were kid-free. Our last location was overseas and almost everyone I know who had a pregnancy or new infant for that deployment went to their parents house back in the states for extra support. I'd definitely recommend that if it's a possibility. For me, my husband will be leaving for 4-7 months (everything is so unknown over there right now) when this baby is 4 months old. But I work full time (in a great job in my field, so I don't want to give it up) and we own our house, so there is no leaving for me. I plan to get through it with the moral support of friends I've made in the area and hopefully lots of visits from my mom, who lives about 8 hours away. Just remember we're tough women and we can get through it. And make sure you find a way to have time for yourself, such as the events mentioned above that brigades often schedule for spouses, like spa days and parties. During the last deployment they even had a group of spouses in our brigade that traded off babysitting in groups so moms could have a day off each week. Also get your blue star card which offers either free or very cheap childcare (can't remember which, bc I was childless, but I read it in the intro packet when I got the card!)

funsies · December 2014

I am so impressed with all you ladies who have been through multiple or extra long deployments. I know this has been down before and I won't be the first or the last to be in this situation.

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