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Husband problems 2nd tri

usapilarusapilar member
in 2nd Trimester

I am going on 17 weeks pregnant although my pregnancy has been wonderful, no morning sickness very mild pains it's still been quite hard trying to deal with the demands of my changing body like the fatigue, headaches, more fatigue while trying to work at a very high physical demanding nursing career BUT nothing compares to trying to deal with my husbands mood swings and the DEMANDS!!! I work full time and have tried my best to take care of the house, cook, clean shovel, etc. My husband works 14 hour days and the little spare time he has he spends vacationing for the holidays to see his folks while I work to pay credit cards or he sits around for football and basketball. I am thinking therapy at this point its gotten to where nothing is enough I am lazy and don't do anything with my time( according to him)... PLEASE NEED help from the momas out there!!!!


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Re: Husband problems 2nd tri

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  • EmpireceoEmpireceo member
    I seriously doubt he suddenly flipped a switch when you got pregnant. 

    Counseling, get some.
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  • janda426janda426 member
    I think situations like these are those cases of thinking a baby will make him wise up and change. And it's like a slap in the face all over again when you see he really does just suck as a person except now you made a baby with him and are tied to him forever. Not romantically, but tied to him forever.
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  • SanRemoSanRemo member
    uwall said:
    Insulting the woman is not of any help whatsoever, give her some advice or refrain from being insensitive bitches. She's with him, she's made the choice, help her make the most of it instead of making her feel worst. Unbelievable!

    Just curious, but what would your advice be?
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  • MissRissx3MissRissx3 member
    I definitely say you need to take your dignity back. Stop putting up with that bullshit. He's being repulsive. And you need to stand up to him. Not only for YOU, but your child as well.
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  • HaruhiChanHaruhiChan member
    Umm this thread is relatively old, and telling them to go for counseling IS giving her advice.

    Abuse is abuse, be it psychological, emotional, or physical. Staying in an abusive relationship of any kind is destructive to one's self. Why should she make the "most of it" when she could find the hard support when she needs it most and stand up for her feelings?
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  • uwalluwall member
    I can't relate to her experience so I'd rather say nothing than make her feel worse. Counseling is a good idea, however the rest of those messages were rubbish. This site is meant to help and not be a way for women with excessive hormones to vent their anger and frustration by using people, especially people who are vulnerable.
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  • ipumpkinipumpkin member
    FirstTimeDaddy81 said:

    Since most of the commenters on this site are women that are going to jump down the guy's throat for not being supportive, I'm going to try to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. 

    Most guys aren't complete ass holes.  Most of us are kind of dumb (especially with women's issues like pregnancies) and don't realize what our wife wants us to do until she tells us to do it. 

    I don't know your husband, but I noticed in your post that your talking a lot about his behaviors that you dislike, but I didn't notice anywhere that you stated that you've talked to him about what he's doing wrong.  Women have a tendency to give subtle hints that they expect their husbands to pick up on.  Sorry ladies, but we're usually too dumb to realize what you're hinting at. 

    Talk to him about how you've been feeling, and set him up on this website so he gets an email every week about where you are in your pregnancy, how far along the fetus is, and what is the mother going through.  If he has a better idea of what you're dealing with, he may be more sympathetic and understanding. 

    Best of luck!


    Hmm. I think I like having a dude's POV around?

     

    Good luck, OP

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  • itsrandiyoitsrandiyo member
    FirstTimeDaddy81 said. He might not realize. Before the pregnancy you could have been doing all those things because you had more free time and were working 40 hours a week instead of 50(or whatever). In which case you need to tell him, and be firm about the fact that he needs to help you and he will need to keep helping you the rest of your lives. You need him especially right now, because yes he may work hard at his job but you are working a job, doing all the chores around the house, AND MAKING A BABY! 

    If after talking to him about it, and he doesn't get why you still can't do what you've always been doing, decide if the best idea is to kick him to the curb. 
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  • staciecoffeystaciecoffey member
    So since I just had a very similar convo with my DH, I'm going for gold here. Please talk to him, my DH(God love him) is a little slow when it comes to picking up hints and we aren't the best at communicating( I usually cry and he ends up shutting down because I'm crying). Last night I made him talk even though I was a blubbering mess. We both spoke out piece about things that need to improve especially since we are building a house during the pregnancy and I'm a full time student and work full time. You also need to make sure you take care of yourself and don't over do it. Set him up on the bump and send him updates with what's going on inside you, it's helped me a a lot and DH now understands why I get so tired so easily. No relationship is perfect but if you love him, make it work. Also maybe get away for a few days together and enjoy some quality time.
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  • usapilarusapilar member
    RQuinlin said:
    I must be missing something. I have never understood why women choose to stay, let alone procreate, with douchebags like this. I can only imagine the sex must be beyond mind blowing amazing.
    You have no idea...


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  • usapilarusapilar member

    This was an old thread and I am very glad I didn't even follow up on it til now... most replies were really useless and cringeworthy to say the least.

    I felt overworked, tired and frustrated and venting online seemed like a harmless way of dealing with it. After reading some of these comments I have learned my lesson.

    One bad day doesn't define 10 years I have spent with my husband who besides being difficult at times is a loving, generous, kind, good-looking, hard working successful family man who I have been trying to procreate with for over 5 years.




    usapilar said:

    I am going on 17 weeks pregnant although my pregnancy has been wonderful, no morning sickness very mild pains it's still been quite hard trying to deal with the demands of my changing body like the fatigue, headaches, more fatigue while trying to work at a very high physical demanding nursing career BUT nothing compares to trying to deal with my husbands mood swings and the DEMANDS!!! I work full time and have tried my best to take care of the house, cook, clean shovel, etc. My husband works 14 hour days and the little spare time he has he spends vacationing for the holidays to see his folks while I work to pay credit cards or he sits around for football and basketball. I am thinking therapy at this point its gotten to where nothing is enough I am lazy and don't do anything with my time( according to him)... PLEASE NEED help from the momas out there!!!!



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  • ipumpkinipumpkin member
    usapilar said:

    This was an old thread and I am very glad I didn't even follow up on it til now... most replies were really useless and cringeworthy to say the least.

    I felt overworked, tired and frustrated and venting online seemed like a harmless way of dealing with it. After reading some of these comments I have learned my lesson.

    One bad day doesn't define 10 years I have spent with my husband who besides being difficult at times is a loving, generous, kind, good-looking, hard working successful family man who I have been trying to procreate with for over 5 years.




    usapilar said:

    I am going on 17 weeks pregnant although my pregnancy has been wonderful, no morning sickness very mild pains it's still been quite hard trying to deal with the demands of my changing body like the fatigue, headaches, more fatigue while trying to work at a very high physical demanding nursing career BUT nothing compares to trying to deal with my husbands mood swings and the DEMANDS!!! I work full time and have tried my best to take care of the house, cook, clean shovel, etc. My husband works 14 hour days and the little spare time he has he spends vacationing for the holidays to see his folks while I work to pay credit cards or he sits around for football and basketball. I am thinking therapy at this point its gotten to where nothing is enough I am lazy and don't do anything with my time( according to him)... PLEASE NEED help from the momas out there!!!!



    What exactly did you expect? In your OP you made your DH sound like a freakin' bum....people felt bad for you! You made no mention of this loving, kind etc previously. You made him sound like a downright scumbag. I think you owe your H an apology for the way you talk shit about him!
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    usapilar said:

    This was an old thread and I am very glad I didn't even follow up on it til now... most replies were really useless and cringeworthy to say the least.

    I felt overworked, tired and frustrated and venting online seemed like a harmless way of dealing with it. After reading some of these comments I have learned my lesson.

    One bad day doesn't define 10 years I have spent with my husband who besides being difficult at times is a loving, generous, kind, good-looking, hard working successful family man who I have been trying to procreate with for over 5 years.



    LMAO Im calling sooooo much BS on this. 
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  • BlueWaffleSpeshulBlueWaffleSpeshul member

    You were thinking about therapy but this was just one bad day?

    Contradictions. You have them.

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  • wittyacronymwittyacronym member
    OP, I hope part of the lesson learned is how to express yourself better. Venting is fine but you made your H out to be the bad guy while painting yourself as the helpless victim. What did you expect when coming to a pregnancy forum telling this tale and asking for help? I agree with the PP try some counseling because this 180 degree turn-around is....incredulous at best, self-deceiving at worst.
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  • girlymama79girlymama79 member
    BubblesMartin said:

    He sounds like a douchebag. Why would you choose to procreate with someone who treats you like dirt?

    Counseling, individual and couples.

    Also, have you ever attempted to discuss your feelings with him?

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  • MsSandyBeachMsSandyBeach member
    Shame on everyones comments on this post. There is abuse (emotional, mental or psychological) and you all think its so easy to just leave? Shes pregnant, she doesnt want to do this all on her own even before the baby is born. I am 26 weeks pregnant, the baby's father is very emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me. I know I should just get up and leave and I have tried but I always come back. I just started counseling recently to make myself stronger for this little girl. But until I am able to leave and not come back, I stay and put up with It.

    Only a woman knows what she can and wont put up with. So instead of telling her 'why do women procreate with turds' lets instead encourage and send love and strength.

    I know how hard it is because im doing it myself right now.
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    MsSandyBeach said:
    Shame on everyones comments on this post. There is abuse (emotional, mental or psychological) and you all think its so easy to just leave? Shes pregnant, she doesnt want to do this all on her own even before the baby is born. I am 26 weeks pregnant, the baby's father is very emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me. I know I should just get up and leave and I have tried but I always come back. I just started counseling recently to make myself stronger for this little girl. But until I am able to leave and not come back, I stay and put up with It. Only a woman knows what she can and wont put up with. So instead of telling her 'why do women procreate with turds' lets instead encourage and send love and strength. I know how hard it is because im doing it myself right now.
    Oh please.  So you're setting your daughter up to repeat this cycle in her own life.  You fully recognize the abuse, if you can't leave for yourself, leave for your baby.
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  • AmstreagleAmstreagle member
    allrightmeow said:
    MsSandyBeach said:
    Shame on everyones comments on this post. There is abuse (emotional, mental or psychological) and you all think its so easy to just leave? Shes pregnant, she doesnt want to do this all on her own even before the baby is born. I am 26 weeks pregnant, the baby's father is very emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me. I know I should just get up and leave and I have tried but I always come back. I just started counseling recently to make myself stronger for this little girl. But until I am able to leave and not come back, I stay and put up with It. Only a woman knows what she can and wont put up with. So instead of telling her 'why do women procreate with turds' lets instead encourage and send love and strength. I know how hard it is because im doing it myself right now.
    Oh please.  So you're setting your daughter up to repeat this cycle in her own life.  You fully recognize the abuse, if you can't leave for yourself, leave for your baby.

    Agree! So you realize you're saying you can handle the fact that your child's father may be emotionally or psychologically abusive to your daughter. Shame on you for that!
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  • sarahsairsairsarahsairsair member
    I think the husband hacked her account and wrote the second entry =))
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  • BlueWaffleSpeshulBlueWaffleSpeshul member
    MsSandyBeach said:
    Shame on everyones comments on this post. There is abuse (emotional, mental or psychological) and you all think its so easy to just leave? Shes pregnant, she doesnt want to do this all on her own even before the baby is born. I am 26 weeks pregnant, the baby's father is very emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me. I know I should just get up and leave and I have tried but I always come back. I just started counseling recently to make myself stronger for this little girl. But until I am able to leave and not come back, I stay and put up with It. Only a woman knows what she can and wont put up with. So instead of telling her 'why do women procreate with turds' lets instead encourage and send love and strength. I know how hard it is because im doing it myself right now.

    By all means, let that abuse be passed along to your child. Totally responsible. Yet you're chastising us.

    Sense. You have none.

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