Am I over reacting?

mikkifinn · December 2014

Hello, first post in a while (:

I'm almost 23 weeks pregnant. My OH called today when he finished work at ten to 6 to say he was going for 'a quick pint, just the one' with some of the lads from work.

He doesn't go out often at all and I've been saying for months he should go for a drink with his work friends.

He said he wouldn't be long, so I told him to let me know what time he'd be back so I could start dinner as we always eat together (even though I'm a chef and could eat for free and have my food cooked for me every day at work- he can't/ won't cook, he'll just rely on takeout food).

I didn't hear anything from him until 8 when he text and asked me to check the bus times for him as they don't show on his phone. I told him there was one at 20past or one at 9.

I then get the reply 'well I won't make the 20 past (still in the pub) and will get the 9 o'clock bus, I lost track of time'

This means he won't be home until ten. It's now too late for me to have they energy to start cooking.

I'm really pissed that he didn't bother to let me know. Personally I wouldn't be bothered if he went out every week with his mates, im just annoyed he left me hanging and didn't even bother to let me know.

Am I having a huge hormone over reaction or am I right to be annoyed?

Thanks ladies

n0soup4u · December 2014

I personally think it's just one of those things to get irritated about. But in the bigger picture of things it isn't something to get overly upset about. He did message you asking about bus times. I am guilty of being that the bar(before getting KU'ed) and having a good time with friends and before you know it a few hours have passed.

MudLover · December 2014

I'd be annoyed but I would have cooked and let him heat up his dinner.

redneckmomma25 · December 2014

MudLover said:
I'd be annoyed but I would have cooked and let him heat up his dinner.

Yup. This.

monkeybutt61612 · December 2014

Lurker here. This is practically the only thing we get in arguments about. Just let keep me in the loop.

carter604 · December 2014

Most of my upsets with DH this pregnancy have been around him being able to drink/staying out past 10/drunk and annoying (although I loved it pre-pregnancy when I was out with him!). I figure where the discrepancy lies is that I feel like a parent *right now* and he still has 4 more months until he holds his little girl. I've definitely let things slide and at the same time he's been more conscious as we've found our balance over the past few months. As long as he's not acting like a frat boy and out every night of the week, I wouldn't be too hard on him.

Duffgurl · December 2014

I can understand being upset but he did say he lost track of time.

kitc101 · December 2014

If this is not a common thing to happen, I wouldn't get too upset. I would have definitely been annoyed, but I also would have made dinner and eaten and let him figure out his own.

be888 · December 2014

souptin said:

No one kept her from eating. She chose to not cook until he comes home. You said he lost track of time. If he did lose track of time how was he to know to call to say he would be late? I think this is an over reaction.

Exactly this.

nutrishus · December 2014

:-w Oh yes ..

mikkifinn · December 2014

Aha thanks ladies, I think why annoyed me was that it was when I spoke with him on the phone I said let me know when you're on the way so I can get dinner on, kept thinking maybe he was on his way and had forgotten to say so I didn't start cooking.
We'll see when he gets home, if he turns up with takeout food just for himself he's sleeping on the floor (;

ejay15 · December 2014

I would be pissed, but also tend to overreact

However, I probably would've done like others said and went ahead and made something to eat and let him heat up the leftovers.

jamiesc58 · December 2014

Same here as most of the others. It would annoy me and I would probably make some smart remarks to him when I saw him but I totally would not have waited to eat! I would have even have gone to bed if it was too late. DH is a big boy and I know he will make it home or call me if he can't.

knlouis · December 2014

ok one, I LOVE that you say " 'a quick pint, just the one' with some of the lads from work" I would LOVE to hear you speak

two...I would be pissed too. My DH and i fight about this all the time. Its just about respect. I would have cooked for me and let him figued out what he was going to eat on his own....maybe I'm just mean lol.

picklesx · December 2014

Eh, I think it is fair for you to feel annoyed but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. You have every right to communicate to him that you are disappointed that he didn't make it home in time to eat with you and just let him know that going forward you'd appreciate him being more mindful because it's ultimately a matter of courtesy and respect, but leave it at that. Not really something that's worth starting a war over.

catlover790 · December 2014

I agree that I'd be annoyed. A similar situation happened with my H last week actually! I really don't care what his plans are as long as I know the plan. I don't think I'd make a huge deal about it but next time I'd probably tell him that he will be on his own for dinner plans.

mary62108 · December 2014

DH did this to me last Wednesday but he left at 2pm, "lost track of time," and showed up at 1:30am. DD and I ate dinner without him and I went to bed seriously fucking pissed off. I don't think that you're overracting. He knew that you wanted to have dinner together and essentially blew you off for beer and buddies. It's not ok.

rmaurer08 · December 2014

From an outsiders perspective, I would say that it's certainly irritating, but maybe just let him know and move past it... BUT if it were me I know if be pissed. Sorry this happened to you! Sometimes it sucks being the adult. :-(

miracle4x · December 2014

Until he starts making this a habit, I would let it go. Is this the first time he's done this? Maybe you can just tell him gently how you felt, and ask that he text in the future. My husband and I had this fight probably for our first year of marriage. He would NEVER let me know when he was coming home, and I just wanted to have a nice meal ready for him. Finally, I just gave up, cooked the meal, and heated him a plate when he got home. Life was so much better when I just stopped worrying about it. I know to us it feels like men don't care if they don't call when we want them to, but I know for my husband, it wasn't that he didn't care...he just seriously couldn't remember to do it. Plus I think they don't like to have every moment accounted for by their spouse/SO. Pick your battles!

And I think you could have started cooking at 6, or at 7. You could have eaten.

jk3610 · December 2014

Eh, ultimately let it go. I don't care if DH goes out but he's fucking high if he thinks i'm waiting for him to eat.

Mushibamboo · December 2014

I vote inconsiderate, as well. I don't buy losing track of time, either. Communication is key. He didn't communicate what his plans were. You didn't communicate when you were sitting at home wondering where he was. I think you both were trying to be polite. Honesty is polite, too!

kamomo1 · December 2014

I would have been annoyed and have been there. I make dinner when I'm hungry and he heats it up when he gets home. If he's late it's his fault.

knitfastdiewarm · December 2014

I like @doribeth851‌ 's response. And I would have been annoyed as well. Next time, don't wait on him to cook!

topaz7777 · December 2014

I say that you should just smile and tell him that you get a free night out while he watches the baby so you can get a quick pint.

Just to make it even. I promise it will be the tastiest one you ever drink. lol

angelike81 · December 2014

My husband never goes out with his buddies and like you I often tell him he should. We also usually eat together by to if I got hungry I would have eaten something without him and he could have just heated it up. Another option would be telling him to make sure and pick himself up something to he when he called. I would blame it on the hormones. That's my excuse for Getting mad and starting to cry at subway yesterday cause they couldn't toast my sandwich

Want a personalized experience?

Am I over reacting?

Best Answers

Re: Am I over reacting?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards