It's all back here.. :S

dragonfly1809 · December 2014

After Finn died I was hospitalized for shock, and in that time all of the baby stuff was moved out of our house and put in storage - so when I came home, I came home to nothing..no evidence of a baby ever being here, other than an empty sad room.

Over recent months a few things have come back - the dresser, bookshelf, the comfy nursing chair..just enough for me to start putting away some clothes & books, and sit in the chair for some peaceful time in the quiet room.

Well... Today everything came back. The crib he never got to sleep in, the bassinet he was in once for all of two minutes, the swing he was in a couple times.. diaper pail, bathtub, exersaucer...

And.. Mixed up in the stuff were four 'congratulations on your new baby boy' cards.. "You dreamed of him and now he's here in your arms"...

I didn't expect it to be so hard to see it all again, but the cards just threw me ...I wasn't expecting to see those. Crushing.

A part of me feels very uneasy having it all here - like I'm jinxing it. Deja vu even - we've done this already - all the imagining and dreaming.

Finn was here for such s brief time but his mark is on everything - and as much as I've tried to change and personalize things for our new baby boy.. it all just reminds me so much of all the love and happiness we once saw in this stuff and the pain it all came to represent.

How am I going to deal with actually having him in my arms? :S

ToriGirl2014 · December 2014

Oh sweetie ... so many (((hugs))).

I hope you find some comfort and peace.

Courtney1741 · December 2014

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this!! So many ((hugs)) are being sent your way! I hope you are able to find some comfort and peace soon as you deal with the transition! It's so tough especially when you get blindsided by things. ((HUGS)) just so many ((hugs))

MoreThanSparrows08 · December 2014

Lots and lots and lots of (((((HUGS))))) sweetie.

NoeliaV · December 2014

Sending huge ((( hugs ))) for you.

carlsonbaby2014 · December 2014

I'm so sorry, love. So many ((((hugs)))).

peggels24 · December 2014

Oh I'm so very sorry. So many ((hugs)) for you. Sending your T&P's of strength.

TVLily · December 2014

So many (((((hugs))))).

dragonfly1809 · December 2014

Thanks ladies.. It's been a hard day. Emotional, hormonal.. DH is away for work. Just a sad sad day.

tigerlynx31413 · December 2014

I'm so sorry you have such conflicted emotions. Great big hugs and so much thoughts of strength and love to you!

BluEyedGirl26 · December 2014

So many (((hugs)))

Samuelismomma · December 2014

Sorry honey:(big hugs..I think you are still going through the grieving process and it is going to take time. Seeing all those things brought back precious Finn and also the fear of losing this LO. This is of course all ok. I think once your baby boy is in your arms it will actually help. Do you have someone can stay with you during the day? I wish you comfort and peace. Finn was well loved...you have that:)

uneek1323 · December 2014

Nothing but ((((hugs)))) and love for you.

SamanthaLaura16 · December 2014

Sending Big ((Hugs)) your way. That is really overwhellming.

SpartyKim · December 2014

I can't even imagine how hard it is for you. Lots of hugs sent your way.

lyndz333 · December 2014

I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. I'm so sorry for you loss.

Sending lots of T&P your way.

mpiemont · December 2014

Sending big huge hugs your way

shandorfml2 · December 2014

Just want to offer ((hugs)) mama. It is so, so hard.

longcat07 · December 2014

big hugs. what a rough time, unpacking all that. so hard.

taberbtb · December 2014

Sending so many (((HUGS))) your way. I can't even imagine the emotions you must be feeling.

jesswein9 · December 2014

You are such a strong woman. Big hugs to you!

beckynsean11 · December 2014

Sending you so many hugs! I can't imagine the range of conflicting emotions that are running through your head.

sgio7485 · December 2014

I'm so sorry. Sending lots of hugs your way.

pblge · December 2014

Sending you big (((hugs))).

jap618 · December 2014

So many huge ((((hugs)))) to you hun

You are far stronger then you'll ever realize

nohalo21 · December 2014

Sending many hugs your way. I can only imagine how you must feel.

lcwed · December 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this now. I am sending hugs your way and strength for the weeks ahead.

Unknown · December 2014

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kate6214 · December 2014

I'm so sorry it's been so rough. It ok to feel conflicted. (((Hugs)))

chicagojackie · December 2014

So many hugs to you.

JustinsGirl2011 · December 2014

Sending you big ((Hugs))

CreechMommy · December 2014

So sorry. I can't imagine how hard this has been for you seeing those cards again. There's really no great advice. One thing that has helped me though is "just because it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again" I keep repeating that to myself over and over.
So many ((hugs)) to you

mandi195 · December 2014

All the hugs... all of them. Hang in there, momma.

Mel&John2013 · December 2014

I'm so sorry. I've been worried about getting all of Lincoln's stuff out of storage for this exact reason. It's so hard, I can't even imagine your struggle looking at those cards. Just remember that people love you and Finn and are in your life to support you. Please lean on them, and us.