everything is a battle it seems

christinasullie37 · November 2014

All of a sudden Dd is struggling to do even the most basic things with out some sort of temper tantrum or outburst. She won't let anyone touch her for any reason, getting dressed each day results in a mjor meltdown because we don't immediately leave the house after getting dressed. She is refusing to eat again and don't even get me started on diaper changes. She then will ask for help with something and then screams at you to go away when you try to help her. It has made for some very grueling days and I end up crying after she goes to bed because I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. Time outs are a joke with her anymore and I finally resorted to spanking when she kicked me in the face when I tried to change her diaper this evening yet she refuses to use the potty. All the while Dh just sits back and does nothing. It's the first time I ever spanked her and it will never do it again because I feel very guilty about it now. (I would appreciate your comments on spanking to be non judgemental.

I am starting to wonder if there is not more going on. She doesn't play with toys at all and has never had any interest in them ever, she is still not able to use utensils when eating, and has become more obsessed with making sure items are just right before going to beg. I mean god forbid the shopping cart is not parked a certain way in the kitchen. EI was out in June and she scored at age level on everything. She wasnt saying one word then at 20 months. Now that cincern is no longer a concern. Now that she has turned two it seems like the flood gates have opened.

It is so frustrating to see my child struggle with everything emotionally. We try to keep things as calm as possible in our house despite Dh and I having marital issues. We keep that away from her as much as possible. I blame myself for all these problems and I just want to know if it gets better? Or am I just being paranoid?

ashiscute · November 2014

Please stop blaming yourself. Parenting is very hard and it is easy to feel like a failure. My DD has a speech disorder and I blamed myself a lot at the beginning. I felt like there had to be a reason she was struggling and that had to be me. It wasn't until DS started speaking well that I realized that it wasn't me. I did nothing differently. this is just a struggle for her.

I don't want you to take this wrong but I've noticed that you have made a lot of posts like this. I really feel like you need to sit down with your pedi and discuss your concerns because I feel like there is something missing. Has she been evaluated for sensory processing disorder? That she doesn't like being touched and is particular about things like that is somewhat of a red flag.

I really hope you can get the answers you need because it very difficult when you are not able to fully address your child's needs.

QE2 · November 2014

I too wonder about sensory processing disorder. My 3yo twins have it. My daughter hated her head, neck,face and hands being touched. Hair/teeth brushing and bathing was next to impossible for the past year or more. She did get better, but has started to regress a bit now that summer is over. My son also hates baths and would scream like he was being tortured. We did a lot of splash parks and swimming lessons over the summer to get them used to being in water while distracted with something fun. DD also refuses to eat many things due to the texture or consistency.

My son, who has intense emotions, is the more difficult child that gave me a battle to change clothing and diapers. He screamed and kicked like he was in pain. Sometimes it would take 2 people . This too lasted about a year and I never thought it would end. I started using food rewards, like M&Ms or jellybeans, which got us through it. I gave it to him when he came for the diaper change so it would divert his attention while being changed, and then he got one for after for a reward. I resisted using food rewards for the longest time, but it ended up being the only thing that worked for us. He has a very difficult time with any transitions, even with warnings and count downs. He is also very particular about things, especially before bed. Certain toys have to be in the right spot.

I hope you are able to find some solutions that work for you. I know the frustration of being the only parent handling a child that fights you on everything. DH is at work for 16 hrs a day and not as "active" as I wish he could be when home. It does get better. Hang in there!

Beevol · December 2014

What really stood out to me about this post was the line about your husband sitting back and doing nothing. No wonder you're frustrated!!! Being a single mom sucks, but it's almost worse to have a perfectly capable co-parent sitting right there and not helping.

Your daughter's temper tantrums might have nothing to do with her dad doing nothing to help, but your frustration and losing your temper probably do. You mention that you guys have been struggling with your relationship; she could be reacting to that (even if you never fight in front of her, kids are super sensitive to their parent's moods). Getting yourselves into counseling, if not for the sake of your marriage but for the sake of your child, might not be a silver bullet, but I'd put money on it helping.

As for her behavior, her inability to use silverware and needing things to be 'just so' are things I would bring up with her doctor ASAP as they are definitely screening triggers (on top of the delayed speech and sensory issues).

GL!

greyt00 · December 2014

christinasullie37 said:

She is refusing to eat again... She doesn't play with toys at all and has never had any interest in them ever, she is still not able to use utensils when eating, and has become more obsessed with making sure items are just right before going to beg. I mean god forbid the shopping cart is not parked a certain way in the kitchen.

I clipped the parts that concerned me most, aside from the emotional outbursts. The emotions you could chalk up to extreme terrible twos perhaps, and stresses at home (though I understand you are trying your best to keep that down), but the other things are not typical. To me this sounds like more than just sensory issues. It is good that she had an evaluation with EI at 20 months. I think they will do it every 3 months so you should be eligible again. I would self-refer now and also discuss with your pediatrician. If EI doesn't help, or even if they do, you might want to seek an evaluation with a private occupational therapist. They can help with play skills, eating, using utensils, and sensory issues.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would have a talk with DH that he needs to step in more.

christinasullie37 · December 2014

Thanks ladies. I did call ei this morning and I am awaiting someone to call me back with an appointment date. I feel like I am over reacting but I am beginning to suspect an spd. Our pedi never seems concerned and due to our crappy insurance we are very limited in pour choice of pedis. He wants to see her after Christmas for the w-sitting issue I bought up on her 2 yr appointment back in october. So I will certainly be bringing up all of these concerns again. Also thanks everyone for not jumping all over me about spanking dd.

greyt00 · December 2014

christinasullie37 said:

Thanks ladies. I did call ei this morning and I am awaiting someone to call me back with an appointment date. I feel like I am over reacting but I am beginning to suspect an spd. Our pedi never seems concerned and due to our crappy insurance we are very limited in pour choice of pedis. He wants to see her after Christmas for the w-sitting issue I bought up on her 2 yr appointment back in october. So I will certainly be bringing up all of these concerns again. Also thanks everyone for not jumping all over me about spanking dd.

I admit, being kicked in the face would have made me almost lose it, so I can understand that. Anyway, I'm glad you called EI. If you are beginning to suspect something, you are probably right. Parental instinct is big. Go around the pedi and seek help any way you can. I would probably get on the wait list with a developmental pediatrician as well, just in case, because wait lists can be long. If you don't need a referral for that, great. If you do, push and push until you get it.

emberlee3 · December 2014

I don't have specific advice except to say, sometimes you have to trust your gut more than your pediatrician. Good for you for calling EI again.

blondie87 · December 2014

Always trust your gut!!! If you think something is going on and your ped doesn't seem concerned I would definitely get a second opinion. Our 1st ped didn't see anything wrong with the fact that my DD snored like a grown man at 6 months old. It kept bothering me so I went to see another pediatrician and they said that was a major red flag. Just try to stay calm and trust yourself. My Husband wasn't the best daddy either but here recently its like he finally woke up and decided to help so I hope things get better on the marriage and daddy front soon!!!

Kaelynn91 · December 2014

My oldest daughter is 2 years and 7 months. Right around 10 months old she had her first tantrum, and they have only gotten more intense as the months have passed. She has always been a fireball. When she was first born I read a book from Dr. Sears called "The Fussy Baby Book." You might want to give that a try. It has really changed the way I approach my daughter and how I handle her tantrums and personality quirks. It goes from birth to age five.

everything is a battle it seems

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