How to deal with a DH who is too shocked to get excited with you?

mrsbsharp · December 2014

I'm sure my DH isn't the only one so how did you ladies help your DHs get their head around the big news? I'm not sure if talking about it makes it better or worse. Maybe I should give him a few days to process? I just want to chat about baby names and strollers all day!!

nbalkin · December 2014

Give him time. For most men it doesn't really get exciting until they can see an ultrasound or sometimes not until the baby is here. He may never be ready to talk about strollers all day. Just give him time, this is still early for both of you.

kcebeling · December 2014

He probably needs time in "his cave" to process the news. Talk to us about names and strollers until he is ready. And when he comes around he will be over the moon. Congratulations from another August Mom!!!

LSquared3960 · December 2014

nbalkin said:

Give him time. For most men it doesn't really get exciting until they can see an ultrasound or sometimes not until the baby is here. He may never be ready to talk about strollers all day. Just give him time, this is still early for both of you.

Agree 100%

llw42614 · December 2014

We have to remember that as moms we become instantly attached.. We prayed for this and it happened and we are growing another human life inside of us.. Most men don't understand it like that.
I was so excited when I told DH I was in tears & he was just like "sweet so you got knocked up, that was fast." & that's where he is with it.
I asked him if he was excited yet & he said it hasn't really sunk in.
Over time I think the balance will line up.. But for now they just aren't experiencing anything the way we are.
When you start to show, or he hears a heartbeat, or sees an ultrasound then it will be real for him. Until then all they know is it gives us an excuse to be cranky :-)
Good luck & just be patient with him, he will come around!

vsandbrook · December 2014

Mine is firmly and cautiously optimistic but it's taken him almost a week to even start acknowledging that I'm experiencing symptoms. (I've been dealing with lots of "oh, that's just psychosomatic" and "it's way too early for that.")

I've seen him with his scores of little cousins and with friend's kids (infants, toddlers, teens, doesn't matter) and he's super comfortable with them. But I think he's going to be calm and cool about this pregnancy until I'm showing.

Would I be thrilled if he were emoting all over the place with me? Yes. But for now I'll be happy that he's happy he's got months to coo over me and the bump lol.

myfriendscallmemeg · December 2014

My H didn't let me know he was super freaked out the first time I was pregnant. I heard through a mutual friend. But like PP's have said, he's got a LOT on his mind. He's probably less worried about how cute it'll be and more concerned with the financial aspects and the logistics of it all.

Give him time. My husband hadn't even said the word "cute" until our daughter was born. It's now his #1 adjective used.

lafsalot · December 2014

Mine was happy with our first but took him until she was about 9 months old to start bonding with her, I still am 80 percent responsible for her care, that will be changing with baby 2 on the way. It does take them longer. He like putting all the stuff together for the kiddos so now that our first is 1 there is more to put together. They find their baby niche... Give him time.

phoaddict · December 2014

I got very upset when I told my husband that I was pregnant; his initial response was just "nice, you don't have to take your physical fitness test now!" (In the Air Force, you have to PT test a certain number of months after you have a baby.... I hadn't done mine yet and was very worried about passing, but when you're pregnant, you're completely waived from taking it the whole nine months). I couldn't believe that he didn't say something sweet or even give me a hug/kiss right away, and it took me a while (and lots of tears/arguing) to get over the fact that he didn't react the way I hoped he would. That same night though, he started smiling and putting his hand on my tummy... I wish I hadn't freaked out on him. I definitely needed to understand that he and I react to things in very different ways, and this was no different.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

DH and I still haven't gotten past the shock yet. lol

After trying for so long we just can't believe it

I hope it starts to feel real at our first u/s.

Sorry I'm no help here

sassyfrass321 · December 2014

After I first told DH, he was like "Really?" and he gave me a kiss and said, "You're gonna be a mommy." Then I went to get something to eat and when I came back he was staring at his computer and said, "What did we do?" lol he totally meant it as a joke though. I know that he's still processing the info. He wasn't expecting it to happen so fast and neither was I. So I'm definitely waiting for a bit to start talking about names and stuff.

bfonz619 · December 2014

DW and I are still in the shock/excitement phase, but it took a day or so to really sink in, and now that I am past my anticipated period due date it is feeling more real.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Savanna111911 · December 2014

It's just different for men I think. It's funny though because I think my husband was initially more excited where I was more freaked. But now I can't stop talking about it and he keeps changing the subject. They aren't experiencing what we experience so it is natural that they won't feel everything we feel at the same time as us.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

llw42614 said:

We have to remember that as moms we become instantly attached.. We prayed for this and it happened and we are growing another human life inside of us.. Most men don't understand it like that. I was so excited when I told DH I was in tears & he was just like "sweet so you got knocked up, that was fast." & that's where he is with it. I asked him if he was excited yet & he said it hasn't really sunk in. Over time I think the balance will line up.. But for now they just aren't experiencing anything the way we are. When you start to show, or he hears a heartbeat, or sees an ultrasound then it will be real for him. Until then all they know is it gives us an excuse to be cranky :-) Good luck & just be patient with him, he will come around!

I just wanted to throw it out there that it is not always true that "as moms we become instantly attached" Hell, I didn't really bond with DS until a few months in and we tried so hard to get pregnant with our first. I am really not trying to call anyone out here, just wanted to point out that statements like this can cause problems for women who aren't feeling super maternal at the sight of two pink lines.

If you are not feeling like mother earth now that you are expierencing the magic of pregnancy, please don't worry. Don't feel as though there is anything wrong with you, and please know that that rush of love everyone will tell you you feel when you hold your baby for the first time? Yeah, it doesn't always happen like that. I loved my son from the beginning in a weird primal way, I would have, without question, laid down my life for him; but it wasn't anything like I expected. The big, all consuming love of my life? Yeah I got that, but when he was around 2 months old. (really not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, sorry if it comes off that way)

Dajart4 · December 2014

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this post. I was being to get really upset with my H for his lack of excitement. We tried for over a year for a baby and when it happened he was like "okay, yep that's two lines." I just thought he didn't care and no matter what my best friend told me I thought he would be more excited. He even told me maybe he'll change when he could see I'm pregnant. Idk I'll stop using that as an excuse to be mad at him.

krasbury · December 2014

My husband still says "if" instead of "when" when discussing the baby. He can't wrap his head around it yet and it's driving me crazy. When I first started being so nauseated he told me I was imagining it. I'll be glad when he stops being in shock.

andbabymakessix · December 2014

McHotts said:

llw42614 said:

We have to remember that as moms we become instantly attached.. We prayed for this and it happened and we are growing another human life inside of us.. Most men don't understand it like that.
I was so excited when I told DH I was in tears & he was just like "sweet so you got knocked up, that was fast." & that's where he is with it.
I asked him if he was excited yet & he said it hasn't really sunk in.
Over time I think the balance will line up.. But for now they just aren't experiencing anything the way we are.
When you start to show, or he hears a heartbeat, or sees an ultrasound then it will be real for him. Until then all they know is it gives us an excuse to be cranky :-)
Good luck & just be patient with him, he will come around!

I just wanted to throw it out there that it is not always true that "as moms we become instantly attached" Hell, I didn't really bond with DS until a few months in and we tried so hard to get pregnant with our first. I am really not trying to call anyone out here, just wanted to point out that statements like this can cause problems for women who aren't feeling super maternal at the sight of two pink lines.

If you are not feeling like mother earth now that you are expierencing the magic of pregnancy, please don't worry. Don't feel as though there is anything wrong with you, and please know that that rush of love everyone will tell you you feel when you hold your baby for the first time? Yeah, it doesn't always happen like that. I loved my son from the beginning in a weird primal way, I would have, without question, laid down my life for him; but it wasn't anything like I expected. The big, all consuming love of my life? Yeah I got that, but when he was around 2 months old. (really not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, sorry if it comes off that way)

This is EXACTLY how I was with my first. It hit me when he was 7 weeks old. And then it was at even different times with the next two. Really glad you said this. Thumbs up.

mrsbsharp · December 2014

krasbury said:
My husband still says "if" instead of "when" when discussing the baby. He can't wrap his head around it yet and it's driving me crazy. When I first started being so nauseated he told me I was imagining it. I'll be glad when he stops being in shock.

My DH does this too! And "hopefully" when talking about future plans. Gosh it's annoying! When I told him about my dr appointment he was like "so you'll find out if this is the real deal?" Um it IS the real deal NOW! Two lines on 6 tests = the real deal!

Also (sorry to rant but) when he said grace yesterday he was like "thanks for the food and my wife" (cute) and I added "and our baby" and he just said "mm"... called him on that one! Poor thing I know he's just scared but please pretend you care about our little Sharpie!!

Rant over... Lol

svenskalamb13 · December 2014

Mine is still on the edge... sometimes he seems almost optimistic, others he is in complete panic. He did this last time too, so I know it will pass.

aRBe · December 2014

DH is not as excited as he was for the last two. When I told him I got upset with his reaction. I put a bun literally in the oven and kids told him to look there when he got home. He was like, you're pregnant? Keep in mind he wanted a 3rd child for a while. I think he's just not ready to process it. He's stressed with work and finances. I think once I start to show and we start telling people it might sink in.

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