Im just going to leave this here....

NLewis1 · December 2014

Because it hit home with me, and it might hit home with some of you as well

The side of motherhood we don't discuss....

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/traci-bild/the-side-of-motherhood-we_b_6249092.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

aglenn · December 2014

Thank you for sharing! Yes, this hits home for me.

MommaP12 · December 2014

Made my eyes tear up at work. I'm one of those moms.

NLewis1 · December 2014

I thought it was a nice reminder that the dishes can wait sometimes.

I especially feel like this on the 2 nights a week I have 1 hour conference calls from 6-7...

Iblamethebeer · December 2014

Wow. I feel like that woman has been watching my life.

Looks like the book isn't out yet. Bummer.

HobbityBarb · December 2014

K3am said:

Had to stop reading. Can't turn into a crying ninny at work.

This. Am def going to read this evening though, when I'm by myself!

Thanks for sharing the link.

mae0111 · December 2014

K3am said:

Had to stop reading. Can't turn into a crying ninny at work.

Me too. I used to be so fun. When DD1 was 2-3 years old, work was different, and I could leave it behind. We would blow bubbles, play tag, pretend to be airplanes and run around. All at once, I got a promotion with new ridiculous responsibilities, and I got pregnant. I was achy, nauseous, and exhausted from when I found out until I had DD2.

And now I'm grumpy mom.

NADA-H · December 2014

Had to hold tears back, i'm already going through a lot emotionally (working mom guilt - working life evaluation - PPD symbtoms too - and super tough mood swings that my Ob thinks r because of the mini pill which we now stopped so this was so tough to read especially after i have had a great time with my DD today... I love and hate those days... Love them when she isnt grumpy and when we both can laugh and snuggle and i get to actually enjoy being a mom my heart melts but then hate them because they get me thinking "wouldnt you rather spend every minute of every day this way?"...agh had to share... So frustrated and sick of "not knowing" i wish the book was out

Virgo17 · December 2014

This gave me chills. Thank you for sharing.

dashofreality · December 2014

As an adult this does not hold true for me. I will freely admit that I am using a very small anecdotal sample, and I'm sure I biased, but I was in no way harmed by my mom working my entire life, a lot of it 60+ hours a week. I admired what my mom accomplished and even when I was young I thought it was cool that she worked in a neat industry. I was a latchkey kid, but never felt ignored, and I loved when my mom would take me to her office on the weekends.

I have friends whose moms were SAHM. Looking back they all felt way more 'ignored' then I did. They felt that they were always second to cleaning or soap opera's etc. One of my friends has said more than once that she is slightly envious of that my mom worked for various reasons.

I just really don't believe that working or SAH makes you a good or bad mom.

NLewis1 · December 2014

dashofreality said:

As an adult this does not hold true for me. I will freely admit that I am using a very small anecdotal sample, and I'm sure I biased, but I was in no way harmed by my mom working my entire life, a lot of it 60+ hours a week. I admired what my mom accomplished and even when I was young I thought it was cool that she worked in a neat industry. I was a latchkey kid, but never felt ignored, and I loved when my mom would take me to her office on the weekends.

I have friends whose moms were SAHM. Looking back they all felt way more 'ignored' then I did. They felt that they were always second to cleaning or soap opera's etc. One of my friends has said more than once that she is slightly envious of that my mom worked for various reasons.

I just really don't believe that working or SAH makes you a good or bad mom.

I don't really think that's what this article was getting at.....

My mom also worked growing up and we have and always have had, an awesome relationship. I never felt ignored.

I think her perspective hits home for me because I *want* to do the fun stuff, but sometimes Im unable to - or I need a small reminder that the dishes can wait and the pile of laundry isn't my biggest priority.

I really want the book to come out so I can read it.....*when* I will have time, who knows lol

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I am also in the minority here. The article made me want to throw my phone at the wall. Like many HuffPo mommy articles, the author projects her insecurities to make sweeping statements.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I also find the article subversively sexist.

NLewis1 · December 2014

MarlaSinger& said:

I also find the article subversively sexist.

I think the only reason she talks about mothers is because she *is* one - its from her perspective as a mother. I don't think she was letting working dad's off the hook....

[Deleted User] · December 2014

Yes, well the problem isn't unique to women. I take umbrage with her pigeon holing it as a problem unique to moms.

HobbityBarb · December 2014

In a lot of ways the problem is worse for dads. Because they're not expected to care about working all the time.

For all the grief we take about being at work and being a mom, imagine how much harder it is for a dad to try for that work-life balance and fun time with the kids. Even these days, for bosses parenting is a mom-task not a dad-task.

alli2672 · December 2014

MarlaSinger& said:

I also find the article subversively sexist.

The whole thing sounded sort of creepy to me. My son with the "light brown hair and flawless skin" does not need to "understand me as a woman" with "hopes, dreams, and desires."

aglenn · December 2014

Yeah, for me it is less about what is better/worse for the kids than what is better/worse for me. I am fairly certain my kids will be 100% fine either way. I am just struggling a lot with what feels like incongruity between my personal priorities and where I spend my time and energy. It's not in alignment.

Maybe I'm just having a mid-life crisis, IDK. That's entirely possible as well.

kmos816 · December 2014

I like the message to be more in the moment which I am trying to do more and more!

NLewis1 · December 2014

Thats what I got from it as well @kkaew816

Also, I think she was looking at the kids in a motherly way - she sees these "babies" and they remind her of her own babies. Nostalgic was the tone I personally got, not creepy.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

It was a thinly veiled and horribly written attempt to hawk her book in which she preys on working mom guilt. I hate these type articles with a passion.

I'm flabbergasted that this woman scored a publishing deal. Freshman Comp churns out better writing.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I really should not have this visceral of a response.

Helenahhandbasket · December 2014

MarlaSinger& said:

I am also in the minority here. The article made me want to throw my phone at the wall. Like many HuffPo mommy articles, the author projects her insecurities to make sweeping statements.

I could not agree more.

Maybe because my LO is still L?

Also, I mean, I have to work. I like to work. I would be a terrible SAHM and probably lose my patience even quicker with my DD, so this article gave me zero feels.

Maybe my heart is a piece of black coal? LMK.

NLewis1 · December 2014

MarlaSinger& said:

I am also in the minority here. The article made me want to throw my phone at the wall. Like many HuffPo mommy articles, the author projects her insecurities to make sweeping statements.

I could not agree more.

Maybe because my LO is still L?

Also, I mean, I have to work. I like to work. I would be a terrible SAHM and probably lose my patience even quicker with my DD, so this article gave me zero feels.

Maybe my heart is a piece of black coal? LMK.

I didn't take it as shaking working moms. I also have to, and like to work. I think working makes me a better mother. I just saw it as a gentle reminder to try not to bring my work home with me, to take a minute and remember that the "stuff" can wait. My LO is only 3 months old and I already am trying to remind myself of these things. But that's just me, and the beauty of the world is all the different ways of looking at things, so maybe I'm just simple minded and took the article

PrivacyWanted said:

MarlaSinger& said:

It was a thinly veiled and horribly written attempt to hawk her book in which she preys on working mom guilt. I hate these type articles with a passion. I'm flabbergasted that this woman scored a publishing deal. Freshman Comp churns out better writing.
This is where I am.
I am quite frankly shocked that so many of you felt/feel like it spoke to you.

Ouch.

aglenn · December 2014

I think I read it differently because I'm in a weird head space lately and projected my own issues onto it, but like I said above I didn't read it as working mom guilt. I do not think her writing is the best, but a lot of the things she is saying about taking a realistic assessment of your priorities figuring out where you need to make changes in your life resonate with me right now.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I get what you are saying @PrivacyWanted‌. You didn't mean it as a slam at those who gained something from the blog post.

dashofreality · December 2014

K3am said:

@dashofreality - from what I read (and I fully admit, I didn't RTFA completely), it didn't seem like she was saying being a working mom meant children were neglected. Just that as moms we become so busy trying to do other things that we forget/can't find time to spend just playing with our kids, being silly, enjoying the moment. I don't think SAHM's manage to avoid it either.

I guess I'm with Marla and Privacy...I just skimmed it because it was pretty bad but right off the bat the attack on working moms turned me off. I'm just so over the debate. If she really wanted to make a point about parents ignoring/missing out on their kid's lives she could've made the same point just using smartphones in general - this is not only a working mom problem.

But it appears that wouldn't fit as well into her book pitch.

*sparky* · December 2014

MarlaSinger& said:
I am also in the minority here. The article made me want to throw my phone at the wall. Like many HuffPo mommy articles, the author projects her insecurities to make sweeping statements.

Agree on the HuffPo mommy articles. I can barely stand to read them. And unfortunately a lot of them may have valid points but they are lost on me because I can't get through all the BS.

Iblamethebeer · December 2014

Meh -- it seems like everyone who loved and hated the article is reading in their own stuff.

It never even occurred to me that someone would read it as attempting to make moms feel guilty.

I read it as a working mom who doesn't feel guilty and likes her life, explaining that she has built a business out of helping other moms find a groove that works for them.

Right now, I am way out of balance, so I found it liberating to hear that there is hope beyond the binary of feeling consistently burned out vs. throwing up my hands and dropping out of the work force.

emberlee3 · December 2014

I don't even get it. Terrible writing. I barely skimmed it.

I think my 2015 resolution is to stop reading anything from HuffPo mommies.

traveltheworld · December 2014

HobbityBarb said:

In a lot of ways the problem is worse for dads. Because they're not expected to care about working all the time.

For all the grief we take about being at work and being a mom, imagine how much harder it is for a dad to try for that work-life balance and fun time with the kids. Even these days, for bosses parenting is a mom-task not a dad-task.

I agree with this. My DH is a full partner in our marriage and share equally in the child-rearing responsibilities, but if there are client events or "marketing" activities, his boss always expects that he attends because he is a man and the underlying assumption is that I can/would stay home with our son.

DiveFrog · December 2014

Didn't I just read a study about parents today spending MORE time with their children then basically ever before?

I get the finding work life balance can be difficult, and can take some time. But, work life balance is unique to every family and can look very different from family to family, and it definitely isn't based on the amount of time people are spending with their kids.

I just wish we could get off the train that we should feel guilty if we are not with our kids every second we can be, and that if we don't feel guilty we are somehow "bad" parents.

mae0111 · December 2014

aglenn said:

Yeah, for me it is less about what is better/worse for the kids than what is better/worse for me. I am fairly certain my kids will be 100% fine either way. I am just struggling a lot with what feels like incongruity between my personal priorities and where I spend my time and energy. It's not in alignment.
Maybe I'm just having a mid-life crisis, IDK. That's entirely possible as well.

All of this, and you said it so eloquently. Like others, I didn't read this as a slam on WMs. I used to have a great balance. But lately, things are all messed up. I am having a harder time separating work from home. I work with some awful, soul-sucking people, and the volume of work is insane. It's an exhausting place to be, and I come home completely drained. Couple this with our recent need to cut out our cleaning service, and I'm no longer fun. DD1, who is 5, told me yesterday that she hates my job. Now, I can write that off to her being 5 and hating a lot of things, but really, I think she's noticed the change in my personality. I'm not the same mom I used to be.

So I took from it that I need to be more present when I'm here. I've started practicing mindful techniques to allow me to be more in the moment (and also to keep my rising blood pressure down). But ultimately, I need to leave my current job.

bumpuser10331514 · December 2014

I liked it from the perspective of thinking about how much our kids see us - the real us (not talking the amount of time they see us). In my 30s, I started having real insights about who my parents were and actually realized that their relationship and roles were the exact opposite of what I thought as a kid. Back then, my understanding of my parents was entirely reactionary to the the way they saw each other. I didn't start to think outside of the box until the last few years, and I think the sooner a kid sees his parents as people the better.

That said, I think it was just a short article talking about a slice of the pie, not the whole thing. I thought there was a blaring omission of how this is what these kids' dads are like, too. Historically, dads have been let off the hook, b/c you had a mom at home. The working dad and SAHM roles were an answer to the systemic problems of "too much to do" and "too many #1 priorities." I don't know enough about the nuances of history to understand how the roles were chosen (and not sure I give more than a passing-30-second-google-search sh!t), but this isn't a woman's problem to solve to "get her girl back." It's just part of everyone figuring out their roles to make a family work; and helping your kids to use the 3rd person approach to understanding themselves and the ones they love is, in my mind, very important to accepting and not hating how their families work.

Sometimes the whole "you can't be everything to everyone" is liberating and sometimes it breaks your heart. But experience tells me that if you love the junk out of someone and they know it, your best is always good enough.

itsmevkb · December 2014

PrivacyWanted said:
I also find these types of articles to have huge undertones of "if you're not feeling guilty you're doing it wrong."

I haven't read this article yet, but this hits home with me. So often people (other mothers) recommend articles to me which are either full of mommy guilt and how to deal with it, or, overly sappy things about babies and kids. I often times come away thinking hmmm, I don't feel that way at all, i.e. I don't have much to any mommy guilt and I'm just not the overly sappy type. I love my kids, they're adorable and sometimes I'm sad, yet excited, that they are growing up, but geez, I don't need an entire article about how they are "my life" and on and on and on.

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Im just going to leave this here....

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

Re: Im just going to leave this here....

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

God Bless You my Little OneFarida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014Farida, at 8 weeks

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

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God Bless You my Little One
Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014

Farida, at 8 weeks