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April 2015 Moms
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Previous Loss

Babog10Babog10 member
in April 2015 Moms
Hi ladies I'm almost 21 weeks pregnant and couldn't be happier. I had a miscarriage in May this year and what would have been my due date is this Friday 5th December. I would like to do something special and personal to mark it and also to celebrate this baby and wondering what, if anything, people did before?
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Re: Previous Loss

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  • hillbillywifehillbillywife member
    So sorry for your loss
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  • starshollowstarshollow member
    Sorry for your loss. I agree with others that said to do something quiet and special with your H.
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  • mrsgunstamrsgunsta member
    I think, for us, it helped to focus rather on the little blessing we are currently expecting rather than the loss of our previous baby. It certainly doesn't make you forget, but more of a reminder that God has plans for us that are beyond our knowledge sometimes (if you are of the religious mindset). As my mom said the other day, there is nothing more precious than a wanted baby.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DH: 32
    Me: 31
    Baby #1: BFP 1/30/14, EDD 9/28/14, natural MC @ 6 weeks
    Baby #2: BFP 8/1/2014, EDD 4/9/2015, It's a GIRL: Addison Elizabeth!

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  • Babog10Babog10 member
    Thanks so much ladies for all ur advice/kind words, it really helps. It's such a conflicting time because as happy as I am to be blessed with this baby so quickly after my loss, it always hurts to think of what could have been as well. But myself and my hubby are def positive thinkers and I love ur words @cf101009‌ and @mrsgunsta17‌ saying that this baby would not be here for if wasn't for our lost baby and it's all part of God's plans and that is a great comfort. So I think I will take all ur advice and have a quiet day with my hubby and take some time to think about my previous baby but turn this into a positive experience by counting my blessings with this little one. Thanks again ladies and sorry for the long post, u all just gave me a lot to reflect on xxx
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  • HZ2012HZ2012 member
    mrsgunsta17 said:

    I think, for us, it helped to focus rather on the little blessing we are currently expecting rather than the loss of our previous baby. It certainly doesn't make you forget, but more of a reminder that God has plans for us that are beyond our knowledge sometimes (if you are of the religious mindset). As my mom said the other day, there is nothing more precious than a wanted baby.


    This exactly. I was pregnant with my now 18 month old on our first baby's due date. While it will always sting, I did feel blessed to be carrying another baby and felt as though G-d had a plan. DH and I found a lot of comfort in that.
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  • keifekmkeifekm member
    I'm so sorry for your previous loss. I hope your quiet day with DH brings you a sense of peace.
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  • HZ2012HZ2012 member
    Forgot to say, I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that you do find peace in whatever you choose to do that day.
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  • mrsgunstamrsgunsta member
    @Babog10 I was definitely grateful to be pregnant again only six months after loss. At the time the six months felt like an eternity, but in the grand scheme of things I know it wasn't compared to the years that many women wait- and sometimes that baby never comes. I guess it is a matter of perspective.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DH: 32
    Me: 31
    Baby #1: BFP 1/30/14, EDD 9/28/14, natural MC @ 6 weeks
    Baby #2: BFP 8/1/2014, EDD 4/9/2015, It's a GIRL: Addison Elizabeth!

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  • Babog10Babog10 member
    It's so true @mrsgunsta17‌ I was just two months waiting but at the time we thought it would never happen so just so grateful to be here x
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  • Babog10Babog10 member
    @dana1047‌ that's such a nice idea x
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  • Flowerstar1023Flowerstar1023 member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. I spent time allowing myself to be sad and when my husband got home that night we talked about it. That was really it. And we talked about our joys and hopes for this pregnancy (I was about 10 weeks at the time) and also why PGAL is so hard.

    I've heard of people releasing balloons, planting a tree as above, etc. I think just finding time to process the loss instead of trying to "skip it" is important.
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  • specialsn0wflakespecialsn0wflake member
    SharkFarts said:

    I'm sorry about your loss. I had two losses earlier this year. My due date for my December baby is coming up on the 19th. I'm not sure we'll do anything. I didn't do anything on the due date for my August baby either, but that's because it was my daughter's 4th birthday and I didn't want to be sad. I think about my babies often, but didn't know how to honor them specifically. I may get a loss rememberance ornament this year, but I'm not sure.

    I love the idea of the ornament. Totally stealing!
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  • fourthtimesacharmfourthtimesacharm member
    Very sorry for your loss. I acknowledged my edd but didn't do anything special. I have another coming up in Feb. I like what @SharkFarts‌ said about an ornament, though.
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  • kamomo1kamomo1 member
    I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and I hope whatever you decide to do on that gives you peace. Will be thinking about you.

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  • theinvadermothershiptheinvadermothership member
    I just wanted to say sorry to all the ladies in this thread with a loss. I guess i never thought much about mine bc it happened so early and when i was already going through a rough time.

    I hope whatever you decide to do brings you some peace.
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  • Renate85Renate85 member
    I'm sorry for your loss, there really is nothing that compares to the feeling of losing a pregnancy. My best friend and I were 1 day apart on my previous pregnancy. Mine didn't make it but hers did. (And to make matters worse I miscarried 12 hours after my SIL's baby was born)

    On the day my friend's son was born I mourned heavily for the loss of mine, cried my heart out and finally came to a place of peace and acceptance. It was as if the birthdate finally gave me closure. We didn't do anything special, we just cried together and let the dreams go.

    We were pregnant again 3 weeks later and I am so thankful to feel her kick this morning. It's still hard to see my friend's son and be reminded of where we could have been. And his birthday will always be a reminder of my first baby's birthday, just like my nephew's birthday will alway be the reminder of the day my baby died. But we've decided to celebrate the little lives that made it on those days and not to dwell on the could-have-beens. We've been blessed with another chance and will celebrate life.

    (Sorry, this post turned out waaaay longer than anticipated, just wanted to say we didn't do much on the day. Just cried a lot. Hope your day will be less depro than mine!)
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  • Renate85Renate85 member
    Thank you @trollsniper‌. Best of luck for January, hope your LO makes you super aware of his presence.
    Hugs to all the other moms having to deal with this hurt.
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  • dadaloudadalou member
    My son died 3 days before his EDD. We were still in the hospital so we didn't do anything, but since then for each month on the anniversary of his birth/death we plan something fun to do. It has helped us through those days so we don't just spend the whole day being sad at home and given us something to look forward to beforehand. Saturday will be 10 months. We plan on decorating his tree in the backyard for Christmas and then going to a museum.
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
    Nathaniel Willis born sleeping 2/6/14
    Felicity Hope 4/6/15

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  • cwiceangelcwiceangel member
    Sorry for everyone's losses. It really sucks. Ours would've have been a year in August. We didn't really dwell on it other than the first grief period. It did hurt slightly when my friends twins turned one. They were due a couple weeks after. Don't get me wrong I love them and my friends but there was that little bit of jealousy. Anyway we found out in August we were expecting so I think that helped. But my mom bought us, them and my inlaws this little statue. About an inch and half tall. It holds a little bird representing the little spirit. And has my birthstone my husbands and what would've been baby's birthstone. It sits in our cabinet with our wedding photos and other things that mean something to us. We will add a baby statue when this one is born. Each one is hand made to order. Sorry if it's sideways. I don't know how to fix it. image
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  • Babog10Babog10 member
    @Renate85‌ I can really relate to ur story because my SIL was pregnant when we had our m/c and we had already talked about our little cousins been born only a month apart so that was def tough esp when he was born last month, I was so happy for her but I just longed for my baby then. And also the week of my m/c one of my close friends had her baby and my best friend told me she was pregnant so that was just a really tough week so I can totally relate, big hugs for u xx
    @snegde‌ and @sugarCraze‌ I actually never thought about the whole 'God's plan' that way and yeah when u think about it, it is quite offensive, sorry no offence meant xx So sorry for ur all losses as well and yes I definitely am even more grateful now to be after getting pregnant so quickly after hearing your stories xx
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  • lexyraejaylexyraejay member
    edited December 2014
    I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. I've never experienced a loss of my own, but I think this whole thread just goes to show that miscarriage happens more often than most people realize. Even though you never got to get to know those babies outside the womb or hold them in your arms, you still lost a child and that is one of the most difficult things to go through in life. From an outsider's point of view, I think it would help me to do all the normal things parents do when they lose a child. If you're religious, but you weren't able to have a funeral, you could still do some sort of memorial service. And then celebrate any related dates that have significance for you in whatever ways you feel help you to grieve and honor your baby. My BIL and his wife just lost their first last week; they are having a funeral on Saturday. As difficult as that will be, I'm sure it will help them on so many levels to deal with their loss. Prayers for you and your family's consolation and for a safe and healthy pregnancy for you and baby.
    Lexy

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  • Babog10Babog10 member
    edited December 2014
    Wow @cwiceangel‌ I love that it's such a nice idea x where did u get it?? Thank u @lexyraejay‌, in my experience some people don't talk about it so it's probably even more common than we all realise which is the sad thing xx
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  • cwiceangelcwiceangel member
    @Babog10‌ I'll have to ask my mom. I'll let you know when I hear back from her. She'll likely have directions. Lol
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  • cwiceangelcwiceangel member
    @Babog10‌ I sent you a PM because it was a lot of info. If anyone else is interested just let me know and I'll pass info on.
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  • Babykells3Babykells3 member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Our good friends lost their baby in May, baby was positive for trisomy 18 and the organs had formed outside of the body. On her due date they had an 'Angelversary Celebration'. They has balloons that they let go with messages in them and cupcakes with sparklers and what not. It was really sweet.
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  • Babog10Babog10 member
    Thanks so much @cwiceangel‌ and I know that this is going to sound silly but how do u get into ur PM's?? I'm on the app if that makes a difference? And @Babykells3‌ that is such a nice idea xx
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  • cwiceangelcwiceangel member
    edited December 2014
    At the bottom of your screen it'll say birth club and then another tab that says all forums. Click that one and scroll down to inbox. Click that and there are your messages. :)
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  • lantzysalantzysa member
    I was pregnant this time last year and these past few weeks have brought up a lot of painful memories. I find that it is uncomfortable for other people when I mention it - as most people who have never experienced a loss don't know what to say. I journal sometimes and talk to our baby that way. I also have a necklace that I can wear in memory (a gift from a dear friend). We are so grateful for this healthy pregnancy, but it has not eased the pain of our loss. Keeping baby alive in my memory and my heart will always be important. It's comforting to know there are kindred spirits out there even though it is pain that links us. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and peace during this difficult time. ❤️
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  • kjuryflkjuryfl member
    edited December 2014
    ((Hugs)) I understand where you are coming from. I experienced a loss earlier this year and was due on my wedding anniversary. That date will be a tough one year after year. Thankfully it will also be a day of joy.
    Married: 3/01/08
    Baby Girl: 7/29/11
    Angel Baby: M/C 7/15/14 at 7wk
    BFP: 8/23/14 - Due 4/28/15  - It's a BOY!
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