Religion and Your Kids (SO from grandma's gifts)

2chatter · November 2014

The more I read here, the more I wonder if I am more liberal than I think or more people are more conservative than I think. DS' favorite toy as a baby was a stuffed Ganesh a friend made for him. The kids know about the basic tenets of other religions (other Christian religions as well as Judaism, Muslim, Buddhist faiths etc.) and we intentionally chose a church that isn't "my way or the highway" about what other faiths practice/believe. It is fun to watch them make connections; DD commented about "free choice under the Constitution" when one of her first grade friends joined our church. I didn't get it, but she explained that her friends is Vietnamese and Korean, and now attends a Methodist church instead of the Korean church she formerly attended. Understanding religion is just part of understanding culture to me.

So....do you/have you/will you expose your kids to other religions, or if you don't go to a church/practice a faith, religion?

MommyAtty · November 2014

Yes! It's very important to me that my kids understand a variety of faiths. It's tantamount to understanding a variety of cultures to me. DH was raised in a family that just makes fun of any sort of faith. He learned nothing about any of them. I was raised in a Southern Baptist household, but none of my grandparents were at all religious and my aunts and uncles had chosen different paths, though all forms of Christianity, from Seventh Day Adventist to Roman Catholic. My parents sent me to a quite liberal Catholic school, where we spent 3 years learning about all different faiths, and my peers were Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, and several flavors of Christian. Even though we are not religious, we send our daughter to a Methodist preschool. I want my daughter to understand that faith is okay, no faith is okay, different faiths are okay. The only thing that matters is being a good person.

shannm · November 2014

I do think exposure and education about faiths is crucial to understanding our world. I also think it is crucial for tolerance. I want my kids to be tolerant and kind. Excited by things they don't know, not judgemental. We celebrate christian holidays because that is how we were raised. I hope as they get older, I can really help them learn the history behind the traditions, not just the materialistic / secular aspects of them. I was raised in a baptist church and felt like it was a stiffling and negative experience overall. this has pushed me away from organized religion. However, I hope my kids find some sort of spirituality if they want to. In support of that and the fundamental value of tolerance and understanding, we have chosen a Quaker based school, at least for elementary.

Helenahhandbasket · November 2014

I struggle with this as an Atheist. We don't attend services, but if DD expresses interest in religion (any religion) I will take her to those services.

NicoleWI · November 2014

We're Catholic but not super observant, and kind of struggle with church lately. But, we are raising the kids Catholic. It's part of our family heritage and tradition and I think it's important for them to have some kind of faith foundation. I want the kids to know that there are lots of different faiths and that all are different ways to understand and talk to God (whatever God may be).

2-Step · November 2014

Yes I intend to educate my kids about religion but I do find it challenging in my area, which is fairly rural with few options. I've started with books. I find it difficult since we aren't a part of a religious community. It's harder to explain to the kids and have them understand it at this age. I also feel like an expression of interest sometimes causes people in certain faiths to try to recruit my family to their faith which is uncomfortable for us.

potbellypig · November 2014

I was raised Catholic and was baptized again a few years ago into a Christian church (Alliance). I wasn't identifying with Catholicism anymore and decided that I didn't want to raise my kids in that Church. DH was raised Catholic as well, and is now an Atheist. I take the kids to church every week, DH does not attend and is mildly supportive. It is important to DH that the kids now about other faiths including atheism. I don't want our kids to be ignorant about other faiths, but to introduce them while I'm trying to raise them as Christians while married to an atheist is too much for me. I don't stress too much about this as I'm sure they will learn tolerance from our behaviour and they will learn about other faiths as they are exposed to them when they grow up. I was never formally "exposed" to other faiths as a child, but learnt about them in school/books/from friends and am educated/tolerant. I want my kids to be tolerant Christians as well, but Christians none the less.

jnnfrrose6 · November 2014

Faith is definitely important to me, but less so for DH. As a result, I take the kids to church on Sundays while he goes to the gym. He will attend church for the "big things" like baptisms, Christmas, Easter, but otherwise chooses not to attend. This works for us and I think it will also allow our children to ask openly about the choices we have made and why. Our church is great, too, because it is one of the more "tolerant" ones I have attended and is very involved in doing good work in our city.

Complete honest, not trying to start anything question here. For those who are atheist, or don't attend services of any religion, most of you have said that if your child shows interest in a faith/religion, you will support them and take them to services of their choosing. I'm curious, how would your child have the opportunity to learn about these faiths/religions (any of them) to express an interest in them if it's not something that is currently a part of your lifestyle? From friends? Family? School?

rubber_chicken · November 2014

Obviously I don't speak for all atheists/agnostics/secular humanists, but I expect that DD will learn about Christianity from her extended family, and other religions from her friends. We have a few children's books about Hindu and Buddhist folk tales. Maybe one day we'll supplement with books about other religions. But honestly, it's just not a priority for us. I imagine she'll learn enough in Social Studies in school.

Honestly, I would be very confused if DD ended up very religious. I think it would be hard not to think "what did we do wrong? we didn't raise her like this." Actually, I'd probably feel exactly how my ultra-religious parents feel (we're all atheist/agnostic).

jess9802 · November 2014

It will be hard not to in a way: DH and I are Catholic (though as an adult convert I'm far more active than he is), my father is agnostic, my mother is a former Jehovah's Witness, MIL is a lapsed Catholic who misses her faith, and FIL was raised Catholic but is pretty anti-Catholic. None of our siblings actively practice a religion.

My priority will be focusing first on teaching DS the tenets of our faith, and then later on different religions.

NunyaBennis · November 2014

Alright, so the importance of education and tolerance has clearly been established. I whole heartedly agree, and am another that was raised in a practicing Christian family (very devout mother, father slightly less so as a recovering catholic) only to lose more faith in organized religion with every bible study class I took. Let me hijack this thread slightly and pose another question:
Where do you stand on christening and baptism?
Did any of you participate in the ritual of christening to appease your religious families/ keep tradition?
Will you participate as a sponsor or stand with your child if/when s/he requests to be confirmed and/or baptized?

(btw *hi!* I've mostly been a lurker on this board for six or seven months. I'm shy to post, so why not jump right in on the topic of religion, right?)

jess9802 · November 2014

NunyaBennis said:

Alright, so the importance of education and tolerance has clearly been established. I whole heartedly agree, and am another that was raised in a practicing Christian family (very devout mother, father slightly less so as a recovering catholic) only to lose more faith in organized religion with every bible study class I took. Let me hijack this thread slightly and pose another question: Where do you stand on christening and baptism? Did any of you participate in the ritual of christening to appease your religious families/ keep tradition? Will you participate as a sponsor or stand with your child if/when s/he requests to be confirmed and/or baptized? (btw *hi!* I've mostly been a lurker on this board for six or seven months. I'm shy to post, so why not jump right in on the topic of religion, right?)

I can't answer the first question, but I can say as someone who was baptized and confirmed as an adult, the support of my parents was still very important and meaningful. They are not Catholic and came from backgrounds that were pretty hostile to Catholicism, and yet they came to the Easter Vigil (a three hour long service ending at midnight!) when I was received into the Church. I would have been very hurt had they chosen not to come, and I was almost 33 years old at the time! Just my $0.02.

kristennd · November 2014

jnnfrrose6 said:

Complete honest, not trying to start anything question here. For those who are atheist, or don't attend services of any religion, most of you have said that if your child shows interest in a faith/religion, you will support them and take them to services of their choosing. I'm curious, how would your child have the opportunity to learn about these faiths/religions (any of them) to express an interest in them if it's not something that is currently a part of your lifestyle? From friends? Family? School?

My family was atheist (extended as well as parents) and my brother and I ended up attending Sunday School and services at a nearby church for a couple years. I frankly don't remember how we got the idea because I was like six when we started, but somehow we did and they let us go. It was definitely not at their initiative. I'm guessing friends talked about Sunday School.

PSU_Texan · November 2014

I'll go out on a limb (and hopefully you don't shun me

) but we are very involved in our faith. Both DH and I were raised Presbyterian and continue to go weekly to church and take our kids. We feel like it gives our lives meaning and purpose. I respect others and their faiths/opinions about a higher being. But it's important to us that our children believe in God and Jesus; less important that they follow a set of rules which is what I think most people view Christianity as. We also want them to respect others. Both DH and I have taken high school and college classes in comparative world religion and hope our kids do the same.

shakinros · November 2014

rubber_chicken said:

Honestly, I would be very confused if DD ended up very religious. I think it would be hard not to think "what did we do wrong? we didn't raise her like this." Actually, I'd probably feel exactly how my ultra-religious parents feel (we're all atheist/agnostic).

Fun story: my brother and I were raised liked many of the non religious folks here are planning to raise their kids. We went to church maybe twice when I was growing up so we could learn what it was. That's what DH and I plan to do with our kids too. So I turned out as expected in regards to religion.

My brother is now a Mormon.

He had a life changing accident while he was in college in Salt Lake City and that's what he picked up when he needed something in his life. My parents were great about it, but I do remember my mom saying "we always wanted you two to be free to choose your own religion, so I guess we have to be ok with whatever it is."

Maladroit · November 2014

Well, H and I are closet atheists. We both grew up going to various christian, muslim, budhist places of worship (with friends and whatnot), but our immediate families didn't press the issue of religion on us. I went to a Catholic school and H went to a Jesuit school. I was also partly raised (I'm adopted) by a pastor, so if I were to come out as an athiest to them, it wouldn't go over so well. H and I like to keep things low key and not "stir the pot". If we are asked to pray, we just go along with it. H and I were both confirmed, we had a marriage ceremony, LO was baptized - we did them for the social norms (and didn't want LO to miss out on anything). We don't plan to celebrate the major religious holidays though (H and I currently work every holiday). We have friends from a lot of religious and non-religious backgrounds and will encourage him to explore for himself and make up his own mind. I think H would agree with me, that we are more concerned about DS educating himself and being a good person than worrying about where religion fits into his life - those opinions will change throughout his life, so it's not like he has to decide and be left with that decision forever. I'm excited to talk to him about religion and his thoughts on the matter.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

So far our fall back has been " ask your grandma" when DS asked who Jesus was.

Needless to say, we need to figure this out soon.

BTW- I was raised in a devout Southern Baptist home. I would never step foot in a SBC church with my child. I would be open to more inclusive Protestant denomination, however.

DiveFrog · December 2014

NunyaBennis said:

Alright, so the importance of education and tolerance has clearly been established. I whole heartedly agree, and am another that was raised in a practicing Christian family (very devout mother, father slightly less so as a recovering catholic) only to lose more faith in organized religion with every bible study class I took. Let me hijack this thread slightly and pose another question: Where do you stand on christening and baptism? Did any of you participate in the ritual of christening to appease your religious families/ keep tradition? Will you participate as a sponsor or stand with your child if/when s/he requests to be confirmed and/or baptized? (btw *hi!* I've mostly been a lurker on this board for six or seven months. I'm shy to post, so why not jump right in on the topic of religion, right?)

** Stuck in Box

DH was raised Catholic (but does not practice now), I was raised agnostic w/ christain holidays, and with devout Episcopal Grandmothers. My brother attended Catholic School, so we attended a lot of catholic masses, even though we are not catholic. I would say now I most closely identify as a Universalist Unitarian/Humanist, but do not belong to a congregation at this time.

Neither DH, or I wanted to be married in a church, or married by a religious officiant. We instead had a cousin of mine marry us after he was "ordained" as a reverend online. MIL was kept in the dark about the on-line business to make her at least OK with us not getting married in a church.

However, when it came to DD and baptism/christening MIL pushed very hard. SIL & BIL had given in with both their kids and had them christened at MIL's church even though they don't practice. DH wanted to cave as well. In his view it was more a tradition thing then a religious thing. I was dead set against making that kind of decision for my child. In the end I told DH he was more than welcome to plan a "blessing" ceremony for DD, but he would be in complete charge of doing so...invites, location, officiant, catering/food etc. DH accepted and then promptly didn't do anything, so it obviously was not that important to him.

My parents did a great job of exposing us to all types of religions and faiths and always made it clear to us that it was OUR choice and that they would support any decision we made. I am sure DD will get a bit more exposure to Christian and catholic beliefs and practices, but we do our best to make sure she learns about all faiths, and always support any interest she shows in any faith. It will be HER choice if she ever wants to join/practice/believe.

MickeyM04 · December 2014

I am late to this thread but it interested me. I ask myself a lot of these questions.

DH and I are both Jewish. However, my parents are basically Atheists. So we were never members of a synagogue and never really practiced in our house. We did, however, go to Passover, etc. dinners/events at my grandparents', aunts/uncles homes. So that was my only exposure. DH's family was more pushy about it. He was required to have a bar mitzvah, required to go to synagogue, etc. But once he got old enough to have a say, he basically was over it, although he did continue to fast on Yom Kippur, not eat bread during Passover, etc.

Fast forward to us being together. I have never been a practicing Jew in my entire life, and I continue along that path today. DH is slowly meandering toward being completely non-practicing. He no longer fasts, etc. Last year he lit the Chanukah candles on like two of the eight nights.

I do not want my kids to be raised the way I was...my parents told us there was no God, there was nothing when you died, organized religion was for people who are stupid, etc. DH does not want his kids to be raised the way he was, with religion basically being forced down his throat. While we generally like Judaism as a religion (it's pretty tolerant), while researching synagogues I discovered that in our area, they generally require dues of a certain % of your gross income per year, which for us was in the range of between $6,000-$8,000. Hint: We do not have an extra $500+ a month laying around. So we do not really know what we are going to do. I'm kind of wondering if it's possible to have faith and believe in God and all that and just not really be a part of any organized religion.

sugarbear0524 · December 2014

rubber_chicken said:

Honestly, I would be very confused if DD ended up very religious. I think it would be hard not to think "what did we do wrong? we didn't raise her like this." Actually, I'd probably feel exactly how my ultra-religious parents feel (we're all atheist/agnostic).

I'm asking this just out of curiosity, and, in the interest of full disclosure, I am a Christian: Why would you be disappointed? A relationship with God gives my life meaning, comfort, structure, and a purpose. What would be wrong with your DD finding that in religion, as long as she remains loving and respectful to others who disagree with her?

MommyAtty · December 2014

sugarbear0524 said:

rubber_chicken said:

Honestly, I would be very confused if DD ended up very religious. I think it would be hard not to think "what did we do wrong? we didn't raise her like this." Actually, I'd probably feel exactly how my ultra-religious parents feel (we're all atheist/agnostic).

I'm asking this just out of curiosity, and, in the interest of full disclosure, I am a Christian: Why would you be disappointed? A relationship with God gives my life meaning, comfort, structure, and a purpose. What would be wrong with your DD finding that in religion, as long as she remains loving and respectful to others who disagree with her?

This wasn't directed to me, but this is my take on this, since I would also be shocked if my kids turned out very religious. For me the difference is between "very faithful" and "very religious." A basic tenet of my belief structure is that religion isn't necessary to have the things you describe. I just haven't met very many people who are very religious who can honestly accept that tenet. I think God (or the universe or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or the Earth Mother Goddess) and I are on pretty good terms most of the time. I try to be the best person I can be and I trust that's good enough. But then, having been raised in a very conservative Christian tradition and in an area where that was and is the norm, my views are likely skewed. Conservative Christians in Texas and Oklahoma as a group (recognizing some individuals don't fit the stereotype) aren't tolerant. And if you ask them to be, they start screaming about the war on Christianity and how persecuted they are for their beliefs. (Which is hilarious, by the way.) If either of my kids turns into that kind of person, I will consider myself a failure as a parent. If either of them finds a tolerant religion and it gives them comfort, I would be fine with that. In fact, going a step further, I would be happy for them.

rubber_chicken · December 2014

sugarbear0524 said:

rubber_chicken said:

Honestly, I would be very confused if DD ended up very religious. I think it would be hard not to think "what did we do wrong? we didn't raise her like this." Actually, I'd probably feel exactly how my ultra-religious parents feel (we're all atheist/agnostic).

I'm asking this just out of curiosity, and, in the interest of full disclosure, I am a Christian: Why would you be disappointed? A relationship with God gives my life meaning, comfort, structure, and a purpose. What would be wrong with your DD finding that in religion, as long as she remains loving and respectful to others who disagree with her?

Because those aren't my values and beliefs. I find meaning, comfort, structure and purpose in other things, and I'll be sharing those things with my child(ren). If she needs religion for meaning, comfort etc., then I didn't help her find them in the ways I value. I've failed her.

sugarbear0524 · December 2014

Rubber chicken,

Not only am I a Christian, but I'm a Christian from Oklahoma.

There are Christians of all kinds, in Oklahoma and everywhere else. All I can speak to is my church (and my friends in it). We are feeding the hungry, clothing school children, providing formula and diapers to babies who need them, and tutoring inner city kids among many other things.

Please remember that just because you might know some Christians who aren't showing the love of Christ, that doesn't mean none of them are.

rubber_chicken · December 2014

Uh, I never said that Christians aren't showing the love of Christ, but I apologize if I inadvertently gave the impression that I have a low opinion of religious people. I just said that religion isn't a part of my values or beliefs.

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