WWPD: Baptism for older kids (long)

blueyd1 · December 2014

My dad has been pushing me to have the boys baptized since I was pregnant with DS1 and I just never got around to it (I was baptized Catholic but do not attend church regularly). He called me this morning and told me that he met with the priest from my brother's church (brother is a deacon) and the priest offered to baptize the boys without me having to follow the normal "rules" like being a tithing member of the church or regularly attending mass. He offered to handle all of the logistics, so I said okay. I have no issue with having them baptized and my dad sounded so happy when I agreed, so I'm happy to do this for him.

So how do I explain to my sons that they're going to be baptized? Should I have them meet with the priest beforehand (he played with them over Thanksgiving at my brother's house so they're comfortable with him)? We've never talked about God or Jesus. STBXH is atheist and since he moved out of the country, I figured I would just raise them to be educated on all faiths and let them choose what/if they want to believe. But I was waiting until they were older to have that conversation.

Did anyone baptize their kids when they were older? I'd appreciate any insight on how I should best handle this.

TheRunningGinger · December 2014

How old are they? I am mobile so I don't know if it's in your siggy.

blueyd1 · December 2014

@TheRunningGinger: DS1 will be 4 in January and DS2 is 2 1/2

TheRunningGinger · December 2014

I'm just a little confused about why you are going to baptize them now. If you've never talked about God or taken them to church they are probably going to be really confused, especially the four year old. I think I'd tell your dad you're not ready to baptize them. I'd first introduce God, church, and the bible and then go from there if it's something you actually want to do. I'd also consider your sons feelings about it as well. His feelings on this are more important than making your dad happy. It seems like you are just trying to please your dad, which I understand.

For what it's worth I'm an atheist and H is a Catholic, but doesn't practice it or go to church regularly. We baptized DD1 as a baby because he wanted to and because of pressure from his family. Now with DD2 we're not baptizing her because I feel like H only wants to to please his family. That's not a good reason in my opinion. We will raise them both with open minds and educate them about all religions and let them know it's their choice of what to believe, if anything.

blueyd1 · December 2014

@TheRunningGinger: you have a very valid point. I do want to please my dad, but you're right. That's probably why I'm struggling with this: because I know that it's not right to just do for the sake of making my dad happy. I'll talk to my dad tonight and will tell him that we need to put this on pause until I can talk to DS1. Thank you for making me realize that I need to get my big girl panties on and put DS before dad. :-)

@luxannie: great idea! And they'll probably be helpful in getting the boys introduced to the church.

I appreciate the insight ladies!

Spin313 · December 2014

Do you ever plan to attend mass or talk about religion from this point forward...?

If so, I would suggest introducing the concept of God, and talk about Baptism as a "welcome" into the church.

If not, I would really consider it before going forward.

blueyd1 · December 2014

@PrivacyWanted: That's a good point. I have sole custody and he agreed to a baptism when I was pregnant with DS1, but I'll double check the paperwork.

@Spin313: Good idea! I really had no clue how to approach this, so I appreciate all of your thoughts.

carrotcake06 · December 2014

We just got the twins baptized this past weekend. They're 17mo old. My oldest was baptized at 5mo old. Similar to you - it was really important to my ILs and my MIL arranged everything, so I said fine.

We don't attend church regularly and don't talk about religion w the older one (not that we won't ever, just that we haven't yet). However, as the priest said when he baptized them, baptism is more about the family than the kid. The kid makes their commitment at confirmation.

H and I have had conversations about the role that religion will play in our kids' lives.

I don't think it's a bad thing to get them baptized, but it might be a conversation worth having if you never ever ever have any intention of introducing religion.

ETA: clarity

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I grew up Baptist so the whole idea of baptizing someone who hasn't asked to be baptized will always give me the icks. I know it's standard in a lot of other denominations though. It's my personal hang-up, I suppose.

If you are going to do it, the children should at least understand what is being done and why. They are older and will obviously have questions as opposed to an infant who doesn't have a clue.

blueyd1 · December 2014

@pobrecita: Yep, I was one of those kids. Baptized and confirmation and I'm a special occasion churchgoer. But to @rvasc's point, I will have to check with the priest about what the expectation is going forward.

Based on everyone's feedback, I'm going to talk to my dad about this tonight and then I'll approach it with my kids and the priest. I'm not opposed to them getting baptized, but I agree that just bringing them to get baptized without any information will cause confusion. I'll gauge how the boys react and then will go from there. If it means telling my dad to chill out for a bit, then so be it.

Thanks again everyone!

blueyd1 · December 2014

@SweetTurnip: I totally get where you're coming from. I've been in denial for the past couple of years about my crisis of faith, and this is putting it front and center which is where I think a lot of my discomfort stems from.

I told my dad tonight that we need to put this on hold until I can give it more thought. He was disappointed but he said he understood and apologized for not raising me in the church. I told him that I understood his stance, but I turned out pretty well and gently reminded him that my boys are not there to serve as corrections for past regrets. I've always had a tough time standing up to my dad, so this conversation was a big moment for me.

Also, no need to type and delete. I appreciate when someone calls me out or presents a different opinion; helps me keep perspective. If I thought I was right, I wouldn't be coming here for advice. So thank you!

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WWPD: Baptism for older kids (long)

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