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Thrown under the bus???

Ready2BMrs.KReady2BMrs.K member
in Working Moms
Ok ladies, need your advise cause I feel betrayed. In the last 3 years, I've become really close to my SIL because she doesn't have kids and visits the most often. Here is the problem. After an argument with my hubby one day (she was visiting) she asked if everything was ok and I made this comment to her: "as usual, your brother doesn't give a s--t about anyone but himself". I didn't get to elaborate since my husband was walking in the front door.  All was forgotten that night by my husband and I and the next day we enjoyed a full with with my SIL. A couple of days later, he asks me if I really felt like I didn't give a s--t about anyone since that's what I was telling his family?  Just for the record, he was not being confrontational. I know that its her brother but is it just me or was there really no need for her to say anything to him? Why would she not come to me later and ask me? I honestly felt like I had a friend in her especially since we relocated because of my husbands job and I don't know anyone here and she has been a lifeline to me. I don't even know if I should bring it up to her because at this point, I'm so disappointed that I don't want to invest anymore. 
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Re: Thrown under the bus???

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  • *sparky**sparky* member
    I agree with @alli2672. It sounds like she was there for the argument and you two are close so it is possible that she spoke to your DH about it to back you up rather than to rat you out for saying that. If you feel comfortable doing so, ask her if she talked to your DH about that argument and see what she says.

    I would probably give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she had good intentions. But also I would assume if you say something like that to your DH's sister that it could get back to him.

     

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  • ErinO21ErinO21 member
    As the older sister of a guy who can be an asshole, I would 110% say something to him if his gf/fiancé/wife said he was being so. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then I would say something to her. Since your husband wasn't being confrontational, it sounds like she was looking out for you rather than throwing you under the bus.
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  • iverske9iverske9 member
    I agree with previous posters, it sounds like she went to her brother in defense. For future reference always state that it is between you and her if you do not want her to say something. 
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  • NADA-HNADA-H member
    I wouldn't say anything that I don't like about my DH to his or my family, and the same applies the other way around. You'r both living together, your both in love and raising a family but your families aren't and I'd never want to fall into a similar position or have someone from say my side of the family hold a grudge against him for something I said that he did and bugged me but then forgot about it the second day.
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  • IblamethebeerIblamethebeer member
    NADA-H said:
    I wouldn't say anything that I don't like about my DH to his or my family, and the same applies the other way around. You'r both living together, your both in love and raising a family but your families aren't and I'd never want to fall into a similar position or have someone from say my side of the family hold a grudge against him for something I said that he did and bugged me but then forgot about it the second day.

    I don't know -- when I'm frustrated with DH, I think his mom or sister are the best to talk to, because I know they're going to give him the benefit of the doubt and help me suss out whether I have a legitimate beef (and if so how to address it) or whether I'm just bring cranky or one-sided.  I am careful about what I say to *my* mom, because I know her instinct is to jump to my side.

    With this situation, I agree with @alli2672 -- OP, it sounds like she spoke to your DH in your defense.  I would take it as a sister trying to help.

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  • VORVOR member
    I agree with the others - it sounds like it was coming from a place of trying to help. 

    But that being said - take this as a lesson learned.  I think you put her in an unfair spot.  You said something negative about her brother and then you're shocked that she'd talk to him about it.  But this is her BROTHER.  Yes, in reality, he (family) is going to come first before you (wife/ friend). 


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  • bumpuser10331514bumpuser10331514 member
    I would suggest talking to your DH about it instead of your SIL. Ask him what spirit she meant it in and if she tells him everything. It's not that you shouldn't be "intimate" with your SIL, but you should more intimate with your DH.
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