Things NOT to say when you find out someone is pregnant with twins

breezyweezer · December 2014

"Oh, bless your heart. I lost twins, my daughter miscarried twins, and my mom lost two sets of twins."

Really, why would this be what you say to someone who is already nervous every day and paranoid that something is going to go wrong? I am only 14 weeks and I already feel like I could write a book of things not to say to pregnant women.

Also, don't tell me "I prayed really hard to have twins" (Came from a friend who is pregnant as well) How do I respond to that? Sorry you only have one in there and I have two?? Just say congratulations to me and leave it at that! And why are you praying for a higher risk and harder pregnancy anyways? I know I am crazy and probably way too easily annoyed, but still...the list just goes on and on....

Feel free to add your own. I know there is a thread similar to this. I have read the whole thing and I am terrified to go out in public once I start really showing.

diz1313 · December 2014

"Your body is never going to be the same." "Oh, I am so sorry!" "You look great..... for carrying twins!"

Emilywooddesign · December 2014

" oh you're going to have your hands full" " did you cry when you found out?"

breezyweezer · December 2014

Funny, I am usually the one who says to people "I'm going to be so huge!" Lol. And then they say "well you're making two babies" or something to that effect. Some people do have tact. And I guess some people just have no idea what to say so they say the first thing that comes to their mind which is usually something annoying

SBmomma · December 2014

"Yikes! That poor thing" (a comment a woman left on my husbands facebook page after he posted a pic of me @ 24 weeks. ) "I don't know whether to congratulate you or give my condolences" (my cousins text to me) I have to say it really makes me smile when people find out I'm having twins & they genuinely squeal with joy & hug me. But other people just need to shut up with the negative comments. This pregnancy has been the hardest thing I've ever done & all I need is encouragement thankyouverymuch!

FaeryStarGazer · December 2014

"I prayed for twins..." "Clearly god doesn't think you could handle them."

You never really understand just how stupid the general population is, until you're gestating a couple of people.

greks84 · December 2014

"How did THAT happen?"

breezyweezer · December 2014

greks84 said:

"How did THAT happen?"

That's a new one to me...wow..just wow...

breezyweezer · December 2014

Had someone tell me today "You get two for the work of one!" Um do you know anything about how hard it is to bake two babies, let alone to take care of two newborns???

carrotcake06 · December 2014

Haha! Different things def annoy diff people. I say I got a two-for-one deal all the time. And I don't mind when peoe say I have my hands full, bc it's pretty obvious that I do.

One woman did tell me once that she had her two "the hard way - one at a time" at which point I told her I had an older son as well. She didn't have much to say after that. A coworker also told me shed "just kill herself" if she had twins.

I was huge, but since I only made it to 34w, I never got enormous. It became funny to me to watch reactions when I looked full term and told people I still had months to go. They'd get all awkward and depending on my mood, I'd either let them off the hook and tell them it was twins (and watch them audibly sigh and say "oh well you look great then!") or just the convo stew in uncomfortableness. Haha.

PeaceofKia · December 2014

I'm on board with the you're going to be huge comment.

I'm tired of the, "You still look so small to have two in there!" if I look so small, why am I measuring 7 weeks ahead!

breezyweezer · December 2014

I go to a pregnancy center and take "mommy classes" It just involves watching videos but you get "mommy bucks" to buy stuff from their donation store..anyways, I guess they forgot how far along I am because they had me watch the third trimester video! What the heck, LOL. I was like "umm, can I watch the second trimester one since I am 14 weeks?" Never try to estimate how far along someone is!

neongreen · December 2014

Three people (two close friends and a family member) flat-out asked as soon as I told them if the twins were as a result of fertility treatments/IVF. I'm not offended or anything, I just thought it was weird and kind of nosy to ask that right off the bat.

karrilynnherman · December 2014

I've only announced my pregnancy to a few close friends, and they have been very positive that there are 2. It does seem though that the standard "it's going to cost so much money" comment is hard for them to keep quiet.

Doubletrouble12 · December 2014

"Better you than me"

I wanted to be like yeah you are right, I'm very blessed and glad it was me not you.

I also don't understand how when someone finds out they are pregnant talk about how they are so hopeful there's only one and how it would be so terrible if there were two. I want to be like, "hey, don't forget you are talking to someone with twins, it's not so bad!"

JennMarie1 · December 2014

The worst for me has been attending birthing classes and the like, they're geared toward singles of course, and they love to beat to death the fact that it's sooo friggin important to keep your baby in 40 weeks. They go on and on about how terrible it is for your child to be born before 40 weeks and God forbid before 38. I get that they're trying to minimize elective c-sections but honestly it just makes me feel like utter crap that I won't be able to carry to 40. I wish I'd had the guts to raise my hand and tell the teacher how shitty it made me feel but I was too busy feeling shitty to think of something to say :-(

breezyweezer · December 2014

JennMarie1 said:

The worst for me has been attending birthing classes and the like, they're geared toward singles of course, and they love to beat to death the fact that it's sooo friggin important to keep your baby in 40 weeks. They go on and on about how terrible it is for your child to be born before 40 weeks and God forbid before 38. I get that they're trying to minimize elective c-sections but honestly it just makes me feel like utter crap that I won't be able to carry to 40. I wish I'd had the guts to raise my hand and tell the teacher how shitty it made me feel but I was too busy feeling shitty to think of something to say :-(

You could politely mention to the teacher that not ALL pregnancies are best if they go to 40 weeks.

MKateG · December 2014

I've had so many ppl say "Oh your doing it the easy way and getting it all done in one shot!" -yea sure since doing IVF and 2 FETs was "the easy way"... then I had a lady at a family reunion say ask if i wanted more kids since were having two, I just said idk, then she said "You just wait until labor, getting them in there was the easy part. You'll change your mind about having more then!"
I just turned around and didn't respond, DH even later on said really! Getting them in there was the easy part? That was the first time he's had to listen to some of the stupid responses I get about twins

Emilywooddesign · December 2014

"oh well my kids were 15 months apart so they are basically twins"

breezyweezer · December 2014

MKateG said:

I've had so many ppl say "Oh your doing it the easy way and getting it all done in one shot!" -yea sure since doing IVF and 2 FETs was "the easy way"... then I had a lady at a family reunion say ask if i wanted more kids since were having two, I just said idk, then she said "You just wait until labor, getting them in there was the easy part. You'll change your mind about having more then!" I just turned around and didn't respond, DH even later on said really! Getting them in there was the easy part? That was the first time he's had to listen to some of the stupid responses I get about twins

Fortunately I haven't had to deal with the struggles of infertility, but I can't even imagine saying that to someone! You just don't know what they are going through...I've had 3 miscarriages; this year alone I have been pregnant 10 out of 12 months..nothing about pregnancy is easy, especially twin pregnancy.

MKateG · December 2014

Fortunately I haven't had to deal with the struggles of infertility, but I can't even imagine saying that to someone! You just don't know what they are going through...I've had 3 miscarriages; this year alone I have been pregnant 10 out of 12 months..nothing about pregnancy is easy, especially twin pregnancy.

I'm really sorry you delt with so many losses. ((Hugs)) Yea...I am never completely rude to ppl no matter what they say. I know they don't intend to be hurtful, but some ppl just really do not think before speaking.

IF has really made me realize that you NEVER know what someone has been through.

MrsP419 · December 2014

I had a lot of people say "wow, you will have your hands full" or now "you sure have your hands full" (because we have 4 under 5)...and for some reason, that comment bothers me more than some of the other stupid ones. It is just the most generic thing to say! I also got a lot of "oh you look great for having twins!" I did carry smaller, but that was because I was so miserable I could not eat much! I finally started answering (my friends) with "If I looked worse, would you take pity on me and come babysit my kids?"

hootie0907 · December 2014

In-laws to DH: "don't worry bud; we'll get you through this." DH was even a little miffed. We want them to be happy with us, but all they seem to be able to focus on is risks and possible complications. Oh, and MIL also made the always-awkward "I always wanted twins" comment...so, you're afraid that I or one of my babies will not survive this pregnancy, but that's what you always wanted for yourself?

smileystef · December 2014

It used to drive me crazy when other women would tell me they know exactly what it's like to be pregnant with twins because they had one big baby. Um...no

nightdreamer98 · December 2014

"You're fucked." Or when people think it's ok to comment on my weight or eating habits.

Bigboneded · December 2014

JennMarie1 said:
The worst for me has been attending birthing classes and the like, they're geared toward singles of course, and they love to beat to death the fact that it's sooo friggin important to keep your baby in 40 weeks. They go on and on about how terrible it is for your child to be born before 40 weeks and God forbid before 38. I get that they're trying to minimize elective c-sections but honestly it just makes me feel like utter crap that I won't be able to carry to 40. I wish I'd had the guts to raise my hand and tell the teacher how shitty it made me feel but I was too busy feeling shitty to think of something to say :-(

Then I went to the gestational diabetes class, where the focus was "nobody should gain more than 25 lbs"... yeah, okay- well, you aren't my doctor he said 40 was fine if everyone stays healthy! :-p

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