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Would you say something? kinda long
Bare with me here, while I attempt to lay the story out in an organized manner. Hopefully you guys follow me.
There seems to be a bit of an issue with my SIL. Not only with me, but with my parents as well, and it hasn't been addressed with my brother yet. My SIL has a very explosive personality, and while usually she is a nice girl, when something pisses her off or doesn't go her way, she goes from 0 to 80 in about 2.5 seconds. She's had no qualms with quite literally flipping her shit and screaming at my brother in front of our family while at my parents' house during family visits/functions and has done it several times. She was previously on meds which helped her a lot, before getting pregnant, but stopped taking them when they found out she was KU. Thats when shit really hit the fan. But either way, I tend to stay out of it bc its not my business to handle.
My mom comes to me quite often to vent about this, and her and my SIL have even argued face to face about stuff several times, but no matter what my brother never seems to get involved. It usually ends with the conversation ending and then hours later my SIL acts like nothing ever happened. My mom has been reluctant to bring anything up to my brother again...I'm not sure why. I think she maybe doesn't want to piss my brother off. Idk.
A few weeks ago, when I was down visiting, SIL and I were talking about baby names (she's due with their first in march), and she mentioned one name she really likes and one name my brother likes. She mentioned the name my brother liked in a way that led me to believe she wasn't a fan of it, so I was frank and told her I didn't like like name (i may have laughed and said in jest "tell my brother that name sounds ridiculous!") but i said the name she suggested was cute. In hindsight, I should've refrained from making the comment I made. I feel a little bad about it now that I know it hurt her feelings...but my family and I are pretty blunt with each other and joke around all the time, so I guess i wasnt thinking and didnt expect her to take it so personally.
Either way...not my kid, so who cares what I think? There have been times when my family bawks/makes comments about names I like, and IDGAF...bc not their kid, not their decision. Just their opinion. I just cant seem to get it up over trivial crap like someone disliking a name I like. But I digress.
Well apparently I offended her, and she held a grudge (although she acted fine towards me over thanksgiving). She ended up going and crying to my mom (like sobbing uncontrollably) about it, but no one said anything to me, so I had no idea there was even an issue. Then she proceeded to talk a bunch of crap to my mom about me, judging a purchase I made for xmas while we were in town visiting them, and making unnecessary comments (to my own mother, mind you) about MH and my financial situation, including rude commentslike "well why doesnt she just get a job then?" Huh. Ok. Crossing the MFing line much?
Of course this is all second hand from my mom since i wasnt there to hear it, but according to my mom, this is when their conversation got heated bc of course my mom got defensive hearing her DIL talk shit about her own daughter (No-brainer IMO). My brother was not present for any of this, and of course my mom couldn't keep it from me (although I sort of wish she had now). Im also not sure why my SIL would thinkit was ok to spout that kind of shit to my mom.
Before hearing about SILs commentary on my financial situation, I was debating on whether or not I should just apologize for the dumb comment I made about the damn baby name, but now I feel I dont owe her shit and I'm just pissed. Im pissed bc of the shit she puts my mom through with her explosive antics (Granted, my mom allows it and so does my brother apparently) and I'm pissed bc she's overstepping her boundaries big time here. Do I confront her? Confront my brother who is well aware of the way his wife acts but chooses to ignore it? Or do I keep my mouth shut and not engage the petty drama?
Perhaps my hormones are getting the best of me right now and causing me to be more pissed than I should be. IDK. Wwyd? Sorry for the tl; dr.
There seems to be a bit of an issue with my SIL. Not only with me, but with my parents as well, and it hasn't been addressed with my brother yet. My SIL has a very explosive personality, and while usually she is a nice girl, when something pisses her off or doesn't go her way, she goes from 0 to 80 in about 2.5 seconds. She's had no qualms with quite literally flipping her shit and screaming at my brother in front of our family while at my parents' house during family visits/functions and has done it several times. She was previously on meds which helped her a lot, before getting pregnant, but stopped taking them when they found out she was KU. Thats when shit really hit the fan. But either way, I tend to stay out of it bc its not my business to handle.
My mom comes to me quite often to vent about this, and her and my SIL have even argued face to face about stuff several times, but no matter what my brother never seems to get involved. It usually ends with the conversation ending and then hours later my SIL acts like nothing ever happened. My mom has been reluctant to bring anything up to my brother again...I'm not sure why. I think she maybe doesn't want to piss my brother off. Idk.
A few weeks ago, when I was down visiting, SIL and I were talking about baby names (she's due with their first in march), and she mentioned one name she really likes and one name my brother likes. She mentioned the name my brother liked in a way that led me to believe she wasn't a fan of it, so I was frank and told her I didn't like like name (i may have laughed and said in jest "tell my brother that name sounds ridiculous!") but i said the name she suggested was cute. In hindsight, I should've refrained from making the comment I made. I feel a little bad about it now that I know it hurt her feelings...but my family and I are pretty blunt with each other and joke around all the time, so I guess i wasnt thinking and didnt expect her to take it so personally.
Either way...not my kid, so who cares what I think? There have been times when my family bawks/makes comments about names I like, and IDGAF...bc not their kid, not their decision. Just their opinion. I just cant seem to get it up over trivial crap like someone disliking a name I like. But I digress.
Well apparently I offended her, and she held a grudge (although she acted fine towards me over thanksgiving). She ended up going and crying to my mom (like sobbing uncontrollably) about it, but no one said anything to me, so I had no idea there was even an issue. Then she proceeded to talk a bunch of crap to my mom about me, judging a purchase I made for xmas while we were in town visiting them, and making unnecessary comments (to my own mother, mind you) about MH and my financial situation, including rude commentslike "well why doesnt she just get a job then?" Huh. Ok. Crossing the MFing line much?
Of course this is all second hand from my mom since i wasnt there to hear it, but according to my mom, this is when their conversation got heated bc of course my mom got defensive hearing her DIL talk shit about her own daughter (No-brainer IMO). My brother was not present for any of this, and of course my mom couldn't keep it from me (although I sort of wish she had now). Im also not sure why my SIL would thinkit was ok to spout that kind of shit to my mom.
Before hearing about SILs commentary on my financial situation, I was debating on whether or not I should just apologize for the dumb comment I made about the damn baby name, but now I feel I dont owe her shit and I'm just pissed. Im pissed bc of the shit she puts my mom through with her explosive antics (Granted, my mom allows it and so does my brother apparently) and I'm pissed bc she's overstepping her boundaries big time here. Do I confront her? Confront my brother who is well aware of the way his wife acts but chooses to ignore it? Or do I keep my mouth shut and not engage the petty drama?
Perhaps my hormones are getting the best of me right now and causing me to be more pissed than I should be. IDK. Wwyd? Sorry for the tl; dr.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Would you say something? kinda long
I wouldn't apologize, but I would not further engage her if you don't have to other than pleasantries. Especially don't discuss your financial situation with her if she's apt to make shitty, judgy comments.
She sounds unstable.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
But I also nder if bringing it up will only cause more drama for the family instead of resolving the issue. Kwim? SIL has proven to be NOTthe most logical.
And I ended up telling my mom to not tell about these things in the future bc honestly ot just pisses me off. I'm not the type of person that can let it all slide. Im more of a "ok lets deal with this shit head on, even if its uncomfortable" type of person. I just cant believe she lets it keep happening in her home.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
"><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/825/1820/8251820.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - Free <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Calorie Counter</a></small></p>But either way, you mske a valid point. This is all "he said she said" conaidering the whole conversation was relayed to me second hand by my mom. So yeah. Moot point I guess
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Baby RJ, born 1/25/2014
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I mean, my mom always comes from a place of "well you're my daughter and my allegiance lies with you over her, so I could never keep this from you" type of angle, but still. I sorta feel like, well what good does it do to tell me this stuff if no one is gonna say anything to SIL about her asshattery?
I feel like she gets so caught up in petty bullshit now that she never used to. It also seems like she has a hard time accepting that her and I have our differences and we won't always agree on everything, as well as the fact that the dynamic of our relationship will change over time.
Normally she just takes it, lets it fly, stuffs it, and bitches about it to someone else (that someone is usually me). But if she just handled the situation then in there with SIL, there would be no reason to have to relay a bunch of useless shit to me. So yeah...I get frustrated listening to it. Mostly bc it never seems to change.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending her actions, but I am saying I understand.
I know I tend to errupt at hubby because I feel safe with him. I know he loves me and is going to keep loving me, even if I snap at him. So when I have a hard time dealing with something or am projecting my stress/anxiety, he often gets the brunt of it. It doesn't mean I don't love him or anything like that. Maybe she is the same way?
Harry Styles = Life Ruiner
There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
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J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing
As for my mom, I love her to death, but she does enable people and inappropriate behavior. Its become more and more apparent in the last few years. She keeps allowing SIL to act a fool with her emotional outbursts in front of her and my step dad (as well as anyone else who happens to be around at the time) and does nothing to stop it. She lets people walk all over her and then she just comes and vents/bitches to me about it instead of confronting them. Which sucks bc she's an incredibly kind and giving person, but I wish she'd just stand up for herself more.
And apparently she did not know how to put her foot down when SIL decided it was a good idea to talk crap about me. She just allowed it. But again..I guess this all comes down to the issue not being mine to confront or get involved with.