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January 2014 Moms
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I just need to vent

babybuns2babybuns2 member
in January 2014 Moms
So, I posted a while ago about my bitch mother in law. DH agreed to not seeing her except for holidays, which was fine, especially since we're moving to the opposite country soon and won't have to do it more than once a year now. So, went over for thanksgiving, and announced to everyone that we're pregnant with #2. Literally, the first and only words out of MIL's mouth were "you're going to have to hire a nanny, you can't handle two kids and a dog." I just glared at her and said "why do you say that?" She got all flustered and made excuses and then my SIL goes "why would she hire a nanny if she's a former nanny and a stay at home mom? That doesn't even make sense" MIL got all flustered again and said it would be a lot to handle, and I just looked at her and said "I used to nanny for 4 kids and they had a dog, and I did just fine. I don't see how 2 kids and a dog would be something I couldn't handle" and then gave her a look like, 'go ahead, insult me again, I dare you'. She eventually shut up, but seriously, I hate this woman. This is the kind of shit that she says to me every single time I see her, and it's just because she's pissed off that her fantasy of being a grandparent isn't playing out how she wanted it to. I told DH this morning that it had been bothering me, and he actually said "yeah I thought that was really rude" which is actually an improvement. But, I told him that I'm done. I told him that he can do whatever he wants, but DD and I are out. I'm pretty sure he's pissed and hurt, which I get, but I'm just done. I refuse to see her anymore, and there is no chance in hell she's ever going to be around my children without my supervision, so she just drove her grandchildren out of her life too.

Thanks for letting me unload ladies, she just makes me so furious!
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Re: I just need to vent

  • babybuns2babybuns2 member
    Just a refresher from my last post... she does things like hit DD's hand when she's using her left hand because it's "bad to be left handed", tell me that I need to hide DD's birth mark better because it's embarrassing, and tell DD she's fat (hi, she's a baby, what do you expect). It's also that she blatantly tells me I'm a bad mother in front of my child and my husband because we're choosing not to do things that she did (example, spanking and CIO). So... it goes WAY beyond a rude comment the few times we see her. I was willing to give the "only holidays" thing a shot after we'd talked to her about her behavior, but basically, since she's shown zero sign of changing her attitude, that is the reason I'm done.
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  • babybuns2babybuns2 member
    DH did tell me today that the reason he just blows her behavior off is because he avoids conflict at all costs, and he then apologized for not standing up for me and letting his mom treat me so badly. So I guess that's what I meant by it being an improvement. Usually he just says "I know it was mean but maybe she didn't mean it." This time there was no excuse for her. I think he's also realizing that she's mean to him too. With this new job, when we first mentioned that he was interviewing accross the country, her response was "why bother, you're not going I get it". Never mind the fact that DH is at the top of his field and they hired him on the spot with a higher salary than he asked for. Again, way beyond the comments. She's just not a nice person.
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  • babybuns2babybuns2 member
    I do appreciate the feedback, and have not made this decision lightly. I thought long and hard after my last post, and decided on only holidays.
    But I think this is the best decision for my family right now. If she shows us that she's willing to treat us with some respect in the future, the door will be open eventually, but right now my family needs a break from her.
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  • Rebis58Rebis58 member
    That comment was rude, but I was going to tell you that I thought you might be being too harsh on your MIL and husband. Then you reminded us about the horrible things she's said and done to your children. I agree she absolutely should NEVER be left unsupervised with your children, and I also agree that you don't have to put up with her nasty comments. I think you have every right not to see her anymore, and I also agree with you that I would not let my children go over there without me. She's made her bed, now she needs to lie in it. Maybe once she sees the consequences to her actions (losing her grandkids) she'll be ready to apologize and change her behaviour. At that point, you can decide whether to give her another chance or not.

    I hope your husband is supportive of you taking steps to protect yourself and your kids.
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  • somewierd_personsomewierd_person member
    I second the hand popping!?! Good for you having boundaries, keep it as positive as you can for your children's sake, sounds like you're doing the right thing.
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  • babybuns2babybuns2 member
    mamatoosh said:


    babybuns2 said:

    Just a refresher from my last post... she does things like hit DD's hand when she's using her left hand because it's "bad to be left handed", tell me that I need to hide DD's birth mark better because it's embarrassing, and tell DD she's fat (hi, she's a baby, what do you expect). It's also that she blatantly tells me I'm a bad mother in front of my child and my husband because we're choosing not to do things that she did (example, spanking and CIO). So... it goes WAY beyond a rude comment the few times we see her. I was willing to give the "only holidays" thing a shot after we'd talked to her about her behavior, but basically, since she's shown zero sign of changing her attitude, that is the reason I'm done.



    Hand popper!

    In all seriousness, though, it sounds like you're taking measured steps to protect your family.  One thing you should be mindful of, though, is being careful about how you talk about MIL in front of your daughter.  You've probably already thought about this, but if MIL's behavior does improve and you are open to her building a stronger relationship with your daughter down the road, it would be a shame if you had poisoned the well.  Kids have long memories.


    Definitely very good advice. I try to keep my discussions about MIL for when DD is napping or in bed for the night, but I will be the first to admit that I slip sometimes and make some smart ass remark about her. While I do make a conscious effort, I should probably be better about it than I have been recently.
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