WWYD - TTC with New Job

renbee · November 2014

Hi ladies! Sorry I've been MIA lately, DH and I have been TTA for the past few months and so I took a bit of a bump break. I'll be joining back in soon - but first, I have a question for you all.

First, a short backstory for those who don't know me - I'm 27, diagnosed with PCOS, but have fairly regular cycles thanks to Metformin. DH is 30. We started ttc about a year and a half ago. We got pregnant in February, but unfortunately it resulted in a MMC in April at about 11 weeks.

So here's my situation - I started a new job on Spetember 2. I want to qualify for the full 12 weeks of leave through FMLA, and I have to be there a year to do that. We are getting really impatient to start trying again, so I've been carefully tracking my cycles (temping and charting) and looking at due date calculators like a crazy person.

I was doing some calculations for next cycle. If I stay consistent with my past several cycles and ovulate around CD 19-20, and we were successful in conceiving, we would have a due date of September 17. That would give us about a 2 week cushion from that 1 year mark.

So WWYD? Try for next cycle, or wait one more cycle to get a bigger cushion in case of any complications? I know there's only a 20% chance we will even be successful if we try. I also know that I could have another loss, so I want to waste as little time as possible.

TL;DR - How close should we cut it with ttc again after taking a new job, and trying to qualify for FMLA?

akraus2015 · November 2014

I say go for it!!

renbee · November 2014

As a thank you for reading and answering, I present - Scott Foley shirtless with a puppy:

DaikokuJess · November 2014

This is a tough one. I would wait. Having job protection is super important after having a kid. I don't know that I could A) Go back to work super soon after having a kid

Risk not having a job if I needed/wanted to take more time.

However, it's your decision and you may be in a different place (so to speak) than I am. Only you can make the decision that is best for your family and situation.

KatzKiss · November 2014

Hey lady! Missed you! So what happens if you don't qualify for the full twelve weeks? Do you get any leave?

rufus426 · November 2014

I was in this dilemma back in May and we kept TTC. I am still not pregnant so we are well past where we need to be now. I say just go for it.

renbee · November 2014

@hovenbe that is a really good point! I will have to check with HR. I keep thinking that they would be reasonable and allow me to do something like that if God forbid there were complications or I went a little early. At that point they would have already been planning for me to be out 12 weeks anyway, right?

@KatzKiss‌ HI! My work has a policy for those that have to take medical leave before they are there one year. It protects their job like FMLA, but I would only be able to take the standard 6-8 weeks.

DaikokuJess · November 2014

I see... well, then that's something to take into consideration. Let's say that's all you would get. Would you be good with a 6-8 week leave? If so, I say go for it now.

Remylove1011 · November 2014

I think if you're not comfortable with the 6-8 week leave you'd get if you deliver before the one year mark, you may want to speak with HR about what it'd look like if you were to deliver earlier. I personally really want to take my full 12 weeks but as I've gone so many cycles without success I also would not want to miss an opportunity to try.

Edit: typing is hard.

renbee · November 2014

DaikokuJess said:
I see... well, then that's something to take into consideration. Let's say that's all you would get. Would you be good with a 6-8 week leave? If so, I say go for it now.

I suppose I would deal with it. It's certainly not ideal or what I pictured (especially since at my old job I could have taken 16 weeks paid), but it wouldn't be the end of the world. I just really want my take home baby at this point.

icaughtfire · November 2014

I'm torn here, @renbee! I want you to have your take home baby SO badly. That part of my brain says try right meow!

Buuut, the other part of me is cautious because I've dealt with pregnancy complications & months-long bed rest. You said your company has protection in place to hold your job if you fall short of the year mark, which is great, but I will tell you going back to work 6 weeks after baby comes is tough. If you have the opportunity to take the full 12 weeks I truly recommend taking it.

I understand how ready you are to get back on the TTC wagon. Myself, personally, I would wait one more month. That two week cushion seems like cutting it really close, but I'm a worrier. But if you are okay with the possibility that you could get pregnant right away & fall just short of that year mark (and you know your job is protected still) then get to baby-making!

Either way you choose, I'm just excited you're coming back to TTGP!! <:-P

renbee · November 2014

icaughtfire said:
I'm torn here, @renbee! I want you to have your take home baby SO badly. That part of my brain says try right meow!

Buuut, the other part of me is cautious because I've dealt with pregnancy complications & months-long bed rest. You said your company has protection in place to hold your job if you fall short of the year mark, which is great, but I will tell you going back to work 6 weeks after baby comes is tough. If you have the opportunity to take the full 12 weeks I truly recommend taking it.

I understand how ready you are to get back on the TTC wagon. Myself, personally, I would wait one more month. That two week cushion seems like cutting it really close, but I'm a worrier. But if you are okay with the possibility that you could get pregnant right away & fall just short of that year mark (and you know your job is protected still) then get to baby-making!

Either way you choose, I'm just excited you're coming back to TTGP!! <:-P

HI! You basically just described the mental tug-of-war going on in my head right now. I'm an impatient person by nature so this is really hard for me. I also can't imagine going back after 6 weeks - heck 12 weeks seems too short! And I've had two people in my life recently give birth over a month early. I know that's unlikely but it freaks me out!

cateyes543 · November 2014

I would go for it personally. Like you said, you have no idea how long it can take and so for that reason I would do it. 20% chance it happens, 80% it doesn't. Also, I would always wonder if that could have been the month. That is just me though!! Good luck and I am glad you are back!!!

KatzKiss · November 2014

I think I would wait. If you can't imagine going back at six weeks then I think you just answered your question. Plus, if something did cause baby to come early, you might want/need to stay at home longer.

lvlyldybmp · November 2014

Job/financial security is *huge* to me, but I wouldn't wait, just because it usually takes more than 1 cycle to get pregnant anyways, you could get a leg up on trying and be past your 2 week cushion no problem.

renbee · November 2014

KatzKiss said:
I think I would wait. If you can't imagine going back at six weeks then I think you just answered your question. Plus, if something did cause baby to come early, you might want/need to stay at home longer.

I can't help but think that if I really had complications or went early and missed the 1 year mark by a week or two, they would be understanding and not be sticklers. Would they really be like "oh since you had a rough pregnancy/delivery, actually you have to come back sooner"? That would be kind of a dick move. My company is a large nonprofit, with about 125 employees, so it's small enough that I think they might work with me. But I did just start there, so I don't know for sure.

I have become pretty good friends with a girl in HR, so I might run this by her.

Ugh this is so hard!

terraignota · November 2014

I would wait it out if in your shoes. If (but hopefully not!) for some reason baby did come early you'd be more likely to be looking at a NICU stay. Going back to work at 6 weeks with baby in NICU or just discharged from NICU might be really very hard. Also, as @icaughtfire‌ mentioned, complications in later pregnancy could really change the game for you as far as being able to work. I'm a planner/be on the safe side type person with these things though. I also work in the L&D, postpartum, newborn area, so while complications are rare, my proximity to them colors my opinion on this. In the end, go with what will make you comfortable, whatever that may be. Hope this helps :-)

icaughtfire · November 2014

renbee said:

I think I would wait. If you can't imagine going back at six weeks then I think you just answered your question. Plus, if something did cause baby to come early, you might want/need to stay at home longer.
I can't help but think that if I really had complications or went early and missed the 1 year mark by a week or two, they would be understanding and not be sticklers. Would they really be like "oh since you had a rough pregnancy/delivery, actually you have to come back sooner"? That would be kind of a dick move. My company is a large nonprofit, with about 125 employees, so it's small enough that I think they might work with me. But I did just start there, so I don't know for sure. I have become pretty good friends with a girl in HR, so I might run this by her. Ugh this is so hard!

You make a good point. My company would pull the dick move on this. I think talking to HR is a good choice, it will give you an idea of where they stand regarding this. Hopefully it will make your decision easier.

almachs0786 · November 2014

I would go ahead an NTNP this cycle. If it happens, it happens. Not to be a downer, but it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to conceive (which I'm sure you know). If you do happen to conceive during your first cycle, great!
I've also started at a new job recently. We are almost at the one year TTC mark (10 + months). We didn't stop TTC because it would affect my FMLA. The way we see it, we will be happy to be pregnant no matter when it happens.

ETA: that was not supposed to sound snarky/bitchy. Sorry if it sounds that way. Just saying that's how we viewed our situation. Welcome back & good luck!

renbee · November 2014

You're right, @wickedsugar‌, I know they do have to keep it consistent/fair.

I suppose I need to get answers on extending maternity leave with PTO in special situations, and then decide what dh and I would be comfortable with if the worst case scenario happened. Though, it's hard to call anything that would result in a take home baby a "worst case scenario"...

KatzKiss · November 2014

I think I would talk to HR before making any decisions. I've worked companies with <10 employees that had employee handbooks as thick as the bible and probably wouldn't make any exceptions. But every place is different.

TheBorg7of9 · November 2014

I would wait. I was in the same situation, but dealing with MFI (plus one year of trying and one miscarriage). We decided to wait 4 months into the new job. It ended up taking us another 8 months before I got pregnant, but starting a month earlier wouldn't have changed much. I really wanted the job security and 12 week leave.

xyzabqsmvb53 · November 2014

So the pros of going for it are that you might be pg sooner... but then you'd also have the awful worries about when delivery will happen....

Meanwhile, the pros of waiting mean peace of mind with no caveat.

I'd wait.

renbee · December 2014

@colerose - our policy is FMLA, we don't have a separate STD/maternity policy. Any medical leave is unpaid, no matter how long you've been there.

Reading the employee handbook, the policy for medical leave of absence for employees not eligible for FMLA says that you can apply for a leave of absence, which is approved at the discretion of your supervisor. It states "the initial leave of absence shall be for an initial period of one work week and shall not exceed four work weeks", but then it says "medical leaves of absence without pay under this policy may be granted for a total of up to 12 work weeks". It does say that you must submit all required medical documentation, so @colerose I think you are right that in a situation where I had to go on bed rest, I would be able to take leave for that and would still have the 6-8 weeks after delivery. The big difference is that my job wouldn't necessarily be protected, but I would have a hard time believing they wouldn't keep my job for me.

I'm still going to have a chat with HR to get some more clarity.

renbee · December 2014

@NariaDreaming‌ YGPM back

tlc35 · December 2014

NariaDreaming said:

I shot you a PM. Long story short, I'd go for it, especially since you work in the nonprofit sector. A wise woman once told me that if an employer would fire you for a medical absence beyond your control, it's not the type of company you'd want to be with long term anyway since they clearly give zero fucks about you as a person or your work/life balance.

I agree with this thinking.

WWYD - TTC with New Job

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