Baby Fever/Thinking about TTC

kayla2536 · November 2014

My husband and I have been married for a year, together for almost 7 years now and are 24 years old.

I'm a martial arts instructor and he is a carpenter and we make decent money. Not rich, definitely not poor. Still have some financial stressors, but who doesn't? We are starting to build a house with financial help from my father (he is quite "well-off"). He is basically being "the bank" for us and will sell the house to us for what it costs to build.

I eventually want to open my own martial arts school. My boss thought that I would be opening my own school by 24/25 but I don't think I'm ready for owning my own business for a few reasons:

- Building the house AND opening a new business? Both are very stressful/exciting moments in life, but combining them? No thanks.

- My husband and I would like to have a child or two by the time we are 30. (Building a house, opening a new business, and being pregnant as a female business owner? Again, no thanks).

- What if I do get pregnant when I'm in my own martial arts school and the pregnancy has complications or I have horrendous "side-effects"? There will be no other instructors to fall back on if I really need it.

- There is another male instructor who is 36 years old, established, has children (and is done having them) and he wants to move to NC from CT to open his school. He is at a different point in his life where it makes a little more sense to go off on his own.

So here is my thought process:

- Build the house, continue working at my boss's martial arts school for the next 2-3 years until we've at least had our first child.

- Wait until the other instructor goes to open his own school and there is another new instructor to fill his place before I open MY school.

- At that point we will be settled in our house, I will have had a baby, and more money saved up for the process of starting my own school.

Suggestions/concerns/opinions?

bmo88 · November 2014

@kayla2536‌ There are so many things that go into a business that need to be considered. Do you have the capital funds to buy a studio, purchase liability insurance, afford insurance for yourself and likely for other employees? Do you have any experiences running a business or doing administration work related to the martial arts business? It is a very different skill set from running a class. Only you and your DH can decide what is best, but personally I would wait a few years on having a child and definitely on starting the business. Is your dad loaning you money to build a house because you couldn't afford it or the bank wouldn't lend to you? Do you have an emergency account saved up? Have you looked into health insurance benefits and maternity leave through your current employer? What would be the difference in costs and benefits through self employed health insurance? There are a lot of things to think through. I would suggest you and your DH sit down and come up with solid financial plans that align with your life goals. Fortunately, you two are young and have time. Take things at your own pace, not what others recommend you do.

jnnfrrose6 · November 2014

You're way over thinking this. First, it's always good to assume/expect the best, but you should be prepared for "the worst." Putting your life on hold (starting your business) because you might get pregnant and/or might have complications is a big risk. It may take you several years before starting your family. Do you want to wait that long to start your business? I don't really follow what the other instructor moving has to do with you opening your business, so I'm going to skip over that.

If starting your own school is something you want to do and you feel ready to put the energy and commitment into it, I wouldn't wait until the kids came along. I'd get going on that ASAP. If you don't feel ready to do it because you'd like more time to get settled in your new home and save up more money, then I'd wait.

FWIW, I can't imagine trying to start up my own business with 2 small kids. If that were something I wanted to do, I'd be trying to get established before the kids came along.

kayla2536 · November 2014

bmo88 - I do have experience in running the school, I've worked there for 7 years and I can run the classes, sign up, renew, upgrade current students, place orders, and am learning the administration side of everything from my boss and quarterly business meetings. I currently don't have the funds to rent the space due to the house being built. My husband and I are getting rid of credit card debt now (we don't have too much, but would like to get it completely gone) and we do have an emergency fund. We could get a loan from the bank but my dad insists on helping out.

I don't have health insurance through my employer but that is something I would like to talk to my boss about - maternity leave if/when I do get pregnant.

The other instructor also wants to open his own school within the year. I wouldn't be able to leave then because then the school would be understaffed I believe and not just anyone can be hired to teach/fill our places. That's where he comes in, sorry about that.

My husband would be more of a "stay at home dad." Luckily his boss is willing to be flexible with hours. I am also home until 2pm each day (currently) and he is home around 5 or 6pm. So there is only a short period of time we would need a sitter when the time comes for me to go back to work. Our families are both very supportive, local and actually his sister wants to run a daycare service one day (thinking about rolling that into my martial arts school - tons of moms would love to have time to train with a babysitting/daycare service).

I think I would rather put off owning my own business to have children earlier. I know many people do it the other way around and that has benefits as well. I assume I wouldn't have any complications but I've seen my boss's wife, a friend, another school owner's wife all have complications with pregnancies and they have been put on "bed rest" and/or significantly cut their working hours. If I have my own school, it's JUST me teaching (at first). If I have to be out that means I close the school. If I'm working for someone else, I could still do administrative work and make some money but there are other instructors there to run classes.

This is complicated. I probably am totally over thinking this.

bmo88 · November 2014

@kayla2536 Another thing to think about is supply and demand/competitive opportunities. How big is the town you live in and is it big enough to sustain two martial arts studios in that area? Are there enough people who are interested in martial arts that would sign up for your school versus your boss's school (which is established and has a reputation). Do you have enough money for initial marketing? Just a few other things to think about regarding a business.

kayla2536 · November 2014

The school would be a few towns over, 45 to 50 minutes away, so the supply/demand thing wouldn't be an issue.

There are tons of things that go into running a business, I acknowledge that for sure! My father owns 2 businesses so he has experience in that arena. My boss will help me (not financially, as more of a "consultant") as well. My boss has known since I started working there that I've wanted my own school, so it won't be blindsiding / betraying him or anything.

I think building a house and starting a business would be more stressful (financially) than starting a business with young children.

kayla2536 · November 2014

grandiosequestion said:

jnnfrrose6 said:

You're way over thinking this. First, it's always good to assume/expect the best, but you should be prepared for "the worst." Putting your life on hold (starting your business) because you might get pregnant and/or might have complications is a big risk. It may take you several years before starting your family. Do you want to wait that long to start your business? I don't really follow what the other instructor moving has to do with you opening your business, so I'm going to skip over that.

If starting your own school is something you want to do and you feel ready to put the energy and commitment into it, I wouldn't wait until the kids came along. I'd get going on that ASAP. If you don't feel ready to do it because you'd like more time to get settled in your new home and save up more money, then I'd wait.

FWIW, I can't imagine trying to start up my own business with 2 small kids. If that were something I wanted to do, I'd be trying to get established before the kids came along.

And one thing you are missing is that the job is somewhat physical and if there are complications, that creates a huge issue because it's not a field that you can hire a temp to help out or do work from home. I very much disagree that she is overthinking it at all.

I would rather start a business with two small children than open a business and risk having to close completely due to bed rest or having no maternity leave at all to bond with the child because you can't take the time to close down classes due to financial strain. But different people have different levels to comfort when it comes to things like this, so there really isn't a one size fits all answer.

Yes! It is a physical job. If I wanted to open my own business that were more of a "desk" job it would be 100% different.

jnnfrrose6 · November 2014

grandiosequestion said:

jnnfrrose6 said:

You're way over thinking this. First, it's always good to assume/expect the best, but you should be prepared for "the worst." Putting your life on hold (starting your business) because you might get pregnant and/or might have complications is a big risk. It may take you several years before starting your family. Do you want to wait that long to start your business? I don't really follow what the other instructor moving has to do with you opening your business, so I'm going to skip over that.

If starting your own school is something you want to do and you feel ready to put the energy and commitment into it, I wouldn't wait until the kids came along. I'd get going on that ASAP. If you don't feel ready to do it because you'd like more time to get settled in your new home and save up more money, then I'd wait.

FWIW, I can't imagine trying to start up my own business with 2 small kids. If that were something I wanted to do, I'd be trying to get established before the kids came along.

And one thing you are missing is that the job is somewhat physical and if there are complications, that creates a huge issue because it's not a field that you can hire a temp to help out or do work from home. I very much disagree that she is overthinking it at all.

I would rather start a business with two small children than open a business and risk having to close completely due to bed rest or having no maternity leave at all to bond with the child because you can't take the time to close down classes due to financial strain. But different people have different levels to comfort when it comes to things like this, so there really isn't a one size fits all answer.

She's only concerned with her possible complications. What about her kids? It's obviously not anything any of us want to think about before baby comes, but things happen. Babies come early, other factors happen, and suddenly it's not just the few months you are out. You're now trying to figure out life with a baby with needs.

I'd rather get the school up and running, hire support which includes at least one other person who can run it while I'm out, and then work on my family.

I think she's also underestimating how difficult it will be to start a business and have little ones. Building a house is stressful, but not something that can keep you up at night because it's teething, or sick, or just won't go to sleep.

jnnfrrose6 · November 2014

grandiosequestion said:

jnnfrrose6 said:

SNIP

So hire someone temporarily in case something goes wrong? So that pre-planning is ok (and ridiculously costly I'm sure), but choosing to hold off on opening until they are past potential pregnancy complications is absurd?

LOL. Ok.

ETA: And your example of a preemie actually backs up my case of not opening before kids. If she would have a preemie with an extended NICU stay, it would be easier for her to take leave from a job than to close down her business completely. Same with the child getting sick. There is already back up and someone else is responsible for making the ends meet.

Or if she's got an established business with employees (at least one, similar to how she's currently an instructor in someone else's school and presumably could run that business for her boss now if he had an emergency), then she doesn't have to hire anyone temporarily, worry about a temp running her business for her, and can keep her business open while focusing on her family because she's already got an established team.

All she asked for were concerns/suggestions/opinions on her thought process. I've given mine. If it were me, I'd want to get the business up and running before starting my family. I wouldn't want to be trying to start something new with young children around. She's 24. There's plenty of time to get her school going and then focus on a family, even if she has some dream of having kids by 30.

akraus2015 · November 2014

I think I would rather put off owning my own business to have children earlier. I know many people do it the other way around and that has benefits as well. I assume I wouldn't have any complications but I've seen my boss's wife, a friend, another school owner's wife all have complications with pregnancies and they have been put on "bed rest" and/or significantly cut their working hours. If I have my own school, it's JUST me teaching (at first). If I have to be out that means I close the school. If I'm working for someone else, I could still do administrative work and make some money but there are other instructors there to run classes.

This is complicated. I probably am totally over thinking this.

It sounds like you have already made up your mind about what you'd like to do...

BlueBirdMB · December 2014

kayla2536 said:

bmo88 - I do have experience in running the school, I've worked there for 7 years and I can run the classes, sign up, renew, upgrade current students, place orders, and am learning the administration side of everything from my boss and quarterly business meetings. I currently don't have the funds to rent the space due to the house being built. My husband and I are getting rid of credit card debt now (we don't have too much, but would like to get it completely gone) and we do have an emergency fund. We could get a loan from the bank but my dad insists on helping out.

I don't have health insurance through my employer but that is something I would like to talk to my boss about - maternity leave if/when I do get pregnant.

The other instructor also wants to open his own school within the year. I wouldn't be able to leave then because then the school would be understaffed I believe and not just anyone can be hired to teach/fill our places. That's where he comes in, sorry about that.

My husband would be more of a "stay at home dad." Luckily his boss is willing to be flexible with hours. I am also home until 2pm each day (currently) and he is home around 5 or 6pm. So there is only a short period of time we would need a sitter when the time comes for me to go back to work. Our families are both very supportive, local and actually his sister wants to run a daycare service one day (thinking about rolling that into my martial arts school - tons of moms would love to have time to train with a babysitting/daycare service).

I think I would rather put off owning my own business to have children earlier. I know many people do it the other way around and that has benefits as well. I assume I wouldn't have any complications but I've seen my boss's wife, a friend, another school owner's wife all have complications with pregnancies and they have been put on "bed rest" and/or significantly cut their working hours. If I have my own school, it's JUST me teaching (at first). If I have to be out that means I close the school. If I'm working for someone else, I could still do administrative work and make some money but there are other instructors there to run classes.

This is complicated. I probably am totally over thinking this.

This is pretty much my life right now. I worked as a martial arts instructor for 5 years, so I'm aware of your situation. I own an in home (student's homes) music lesson business. I love my job and I love traveling to people's homes, but I would eventually like to add on to our house and build a school. I don't see this being feasible before we have a baby because of the following:

1. Changing location will mean a temporary drop in business. It may not be temporary. Just like any new business, there is no guarantee a new location will be successful. Before we have a baby, I would like to continue working like I am, where my income is very steady, so we can save money better.

2. Maternity leave... I know how karate school's work and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't get much maternity leave if any. It would probably be unpaid. Another reason to keep your steady income pre-baby so you can save money for maternity leave. The way my business is now, I know how much I need to save just to give myself maternity leave and I also am sure that I have steady enough students who are committed to me and would wait for me should I take maternity leave. If I start a brand new school... not so sure.

3. Of course all the start up costs of a new business. It's costly and risky. Again, doesn't leave much money for maternity leave and baby costs.

If you want to start a school, do it now and have plenty of time to let the chips fall before TTC. If you want to TTC in the next couple of years, then don't start a business now. I started my current business 4 years ago, and it was only by year 3 that I felt that I was financially stable enough to have a baby.

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