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July 2015 Moms
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Prenatal depression?? Or just plain miserable?!

twelveyeargaptwelveyeargap member
in July 2015 Moms
Hi Ya, I'm really struggling to be happy about this pregnancy. I do have Bipolar disorder, Post traumatic stress disorder & borderline personality but I don't understand why I feel so out of my depth with all this.
12 years ago I fell pregnant with my daughter in less than ideal circumstances. My relationship with her father was terrible, and I was only 18 and quite irresponsible, I was on birth control and hadn't even had a period for months on end and was under investigation for why my reproductive system wasn't working properly. Honestly? It was a real shock! When I told her father that I was expecting her, he got in his car and he drove off and I didn't see him for a long time, yet I felt really positive about having her and about continuing with the pregnancy despite the mess I was in.
Fast forward 12 years, I'm married (NOT to my Dd father!) I'm settled, my daughter is now in high school and becoming a beautiful young lady and I'm happy with how life has turned out, and I never expected it to be this great! The only thing is, although my husband and I have only been married for five weeks I have discovered that I'm 6 weeks pregnant, and as much as I should be happy, I'm just not. We did have plans to have children, one day! This baby however, was not planned. I wanted to enjoy my new husband for a little while before we became parents to a new baby. I know how exhausting new babies are- and toddlers, and school-age, and teenagers and it just carries on, and no doubt it carries on until they're well into their 30s! My husband and our respective families are thrilled and I'm really struggling with the fact that I'm not thrilled. I wake up & I'm wracked by guilt, I cry ALL the time, I don't want to cook or clean or have a shower or even wake up. I feel like I'm forever trying to convince myself that this is a good thing, but just can't get my head around it! The truth? I don't want this baby & everyone else does. It's a dark place, and everyone else is absolutely bouncing off the walls, including my daughter, I just can't find that place. Am I depressed? Am I struggling because I had a difficult birth with my daughter who was premature and very poorly? Am I struggling because I got so hurt in the past when I was having my daughter? Or is it because since having my daughter, I was sexually assaulted and had to endure a court case where that man ended up in prison? Or is it just cos I'm a completely selfish, coldhearted bitch?! I don't know :'(
Any help out there, please speak up. Sorry if I upset any of you XxxX
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Re: Prenatal depression?? Or just plain miserable?!

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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    Talk to your Dr and ask for a referal to a therapist. Theres a lot at play here and we are not medical professionals familiar with your situation.
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    babyd1102babyd1102 member
    The best idea is to seek help from a doctor. They can point you in the right direction. Best of luck to you!! T&P
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    bosco213bosco213 member
    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would let your husband know how you feel and talk to your doctor ASAP.
    Me - 26 
    DH - 27

    TTC #1 since July 2014
    BFP! Oct 18, EDD July 2, 2015

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    hankhunterhankhunter member
    So sorry sweetie, please seek out counseling (individual and group) options. Feeling supported and understood does wonders.

    Sending love!
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    nellybellycatnellybellycat member
    I too am struggling w/ pre partumdepression. This was a planned pregnancy, im 33 yo and we are financially stable, but when that test turned positive, everything changed for me. My ob started me on zoloft and we are gradually increasing the dose. Im also doing acupuncture. I am starting to feel like myself again. I never had issues w depression prior to this but I recognized that I was feeling depressed and not myself. Im glad I sought help bc it has been a miserable 6 weeks for me emotionally.

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    babyfever8babyfever8 member
    First of all you are most definitely not a selfish bitch. I think as women we are pressured and expected to feel a certain way about childbirth and being pregnant/motherhood. Hell, I was trying to get pregnant and still find myself wondering if I can seriously do this and maybe I would be better off without a second child. Sounds like you have quite a bit on your plate emotionally and I think talking to someone would be invaluable. Also don't forget that this is nobody's choice but yours and your husbands .. If not having this baby would be the best choice at this time so be it. Take care of yourself and hopefully you find the help and answers you need! Pm me if you ever need to chat or just vent, I'm a good listener. Take care *hugs*
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    twelveyeargaptwelveyeargap member
    It's a relief to know I'm not alone in my feelings. Thanks ladies :) I have spoken to my H about my low mood, he says that it's all because of an error my GP made with my meds upon discovering the pregnancy. However, when I suggested that my depression coupled with all the hormones was a toxic mix to me he became really distant & seemed angry. I feel totally isolated in my feelings. I was trying to explain just how awful I'm feeling, and he just said "well if you don't want the baby don't have the baby but I can't guarantee we'll ever have a baby again" This just simply added to the pressure I'm feeling already, I just feel so empty xx
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    MisSmartyPantsMisSmartyPants member
    You need to talk to your therapist asap. With your underlying predispositions and boozing hormones, you will need additional support to deal with the emotions experienced.
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    hismunchiehismunchie member
    @twelveyeargap‌ Don't beat yourself up. You have endured A LOT in life and it's not uncommon to have fears b/c of your past. Just trust and know that your husband isn't one of the people that hurt you and he has your back. Definitely seek help so that you can deal with your feelings and emotions so that you don't get to a really bad place. My prayers are with you.
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