Blended Families
rsrcd8
member
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going to court vs grandparents
rsrcd8
member
Hi all, this is my first time posting here. I'm a SAHM to our 4 & 2 year old kids. My husband is Active Duty in the Army. Once upon a time I had a great relationship with his parents. About a week after my husband left for a 12 month deployment, his ex wife was involved in a meth lab bust resulting in the kids being taken away and going to live with Grandma and Grandpa (DH's parents). At first they were all for us taking custody as soon as he got home. But after about 2 months with the kids, they started talking to my husband less while deployed, they mailed me a letter that said "to get on with our lives" and haven't spoken with me or our 2 kids. About halfway through deployment, the ex wife got in a car accident and passed away. My husband started being ignored and denied talking to his kids completely after this. When he got home they agreed to meet up with us, and their pastor. We all met and talked and they asked us why we wanted custody of his kids (because they are his kids?!), and basically agreed to come up with a plan to get the kids to us. After a month of hearing nothing we called them back and they told my DH to contact the kids school counselor, she suggested writing the kids letters, then making phone calls. We did this and then they said they weren't going to give the kids letters. We really wanted to be able to maintain a relationship with his parents and we thought doing so in a civil manner would be the best way. If we could go back in time we would've just gone to court from the jump. We were concerned with plucking the kids from school so that is why we tried to do it his parents way. Today we went and filed for custody and got a court date of June 10th. I guess I'm really nervous. I feel like he should automatically win, as his parents were given Temp custody, and he is the father who wants to raise his kids...(neither of us have any history of drug abuse, criminal records, heck I don't even have a traffic ticket! My husband has paid child support to his parents since they got the kids, he tried to make contact with them, we have a home, he makes good money...and again HE is their father) All that being said I feel like we should absolutely win, and since feeling that way then I began to think "what if it sounds so easy and definite that we win...that we actually don't" I've never been to court..don't know how it works or what to expect. Should I expect we just walk in and win and get to take them home that day? Or will they give us a date to get them? When they got the kids no visitation was written up for him in the court. We want these kids so bad, to show them love and raise them..I have no idea why his mother wants us not to have them..up until this we were the best of friends. I guess I'm just kind of ranting/needed to get it out/confused on how court works. Also, we are representing ourselves. If we don't win we will get a lawyer and go back. I'm not really sure if there will be a custody "battle" as the mother is deceased, the grandparents have temp custody, its not like its a mother and a father trying to battle custody.
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Re: going to court vs grandparents
I am not an expert, but I think this would be considered a violation of his parental rights. As long as he was legally established as the children's father before this (on the birth certificate Or through paternity test).
there really isn't much the grand parent can do anyway but "see him in court"
Our lawyer said that we it should be simple because he never lost his superior parental rights, since the grandparents were only granted temporary custody and no action was taken against my husband. He said we don't even have to prove that it's in the best interest of the kids, just prove that are stable - which we are. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers ! I will let you know how it goes...Tuesday is the day.
Crossing my fingers with you!
It got continued to July 8th, since they didn't have a full 30 days.
However, unlike the other posters, I think the law is probably on your side. Biological parents have a constitutional right to raise their own children, absent some pretty serious risk of harm to the children. Your husband's parents may be able to establish a psychological parent relationship and therefore have visitation depending on the law of the controlling jurisdiction, but your husband's parental rights are and should be superior.
Your attorney should have explained Troxel v. Granville to you and certainly should be briefing the court on the import of that case.
Married Bio * BFP Charts
Good luck to you. In most states, Grandparents do not have rites to the children should one parent die. What they did was WRONG. Telling your husband to just get on with his life? Keeping him from them? Who does that?
While I would not just assume you will win, you have a very good chance. What they've done is kidnapped your stepkids in a sense, and it's completely wrong.
Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
Just wanted to keep everyone updated
Today we got a letter from DH's parents lawyer. He wrote "my clients have authorized me to make a settlement offer in the refreneced matter. If you wish to regain custody of your children, my clients are willing to work with you and attempt to make that a possibility". They want to resolve the issue outside of court. Our lawyer is advising we agree to these terms. My only thoughts are: He says they are making a settlement offer, but only used the word "possibility" when coming to actually getting custody. They want us to meet with the counselor and follow the recommendations the counselor has as to rebuilding the relationship between my husbands kids and him. This is all fine and dandy but right now his kids don't like him or I very much, as they feel as though they've been abandoned because no communication has been allowed or even acknowledged, the children think he just isn't trying. Espcially the oldest. Our worries are that when we go through with this, the counselor is going to end up saying they don't think it is in the interest of the children to live with us because of the relationship between the grandparents. Also the fact that WE HAVE ALREADY MET WITH THE COUNSELOR and followed her recommendations of writing the children letters and the grandparents never gave them to the kids. We don't know if this is just a stall tactic or if they are genuinely just looking for a relationship to be rebuilt. We tried this once already, following all their rules and it got us nowhere.... Our lawyer advises us to try this once again because if we went to court next week and lost then they would have full custody and could just say ok nope not working towards you getting them now, and it's hard to go to court after the ruling is in place. He also thinks that now that we have an official letter from their lawyer, that we will absolutely win if they don't follow through.
Feeling confused and sad. We really just want to show them the love we have for them. I know it's not an easy process but it just kinda sucks we have to start back at block 1 because they cut off contact, and then when we already tried to rebuild the relationship they just didn't allow it.
Some things are worth trying to settle. Some are not. I don't think this is one of those cases where settling does you or your husband any favors. His parents probably want to settle now on their terms rather than lose entirely, and unless there are serious issues you haven't shared with us here, they very well run the risk of losing. So they're trying to string you along by promising a possible settlement.
Your attorney needs to counter. Just off the top of my head, I'm thinking that if the grandparents really want to help the kids transition to your home, then you could agree to a plan with an established schedule for visits, adding more and more time each week, provided that you engage in regular family counseling. The kids absolutely need to spend time with you and your husband - you can't just go off to the counselor and talk about this while they stay with grandma and grandpa. Get this plan approved by a judge and revisit it in a couple of months to make a final order regarding custody.
Or just call the grandparents' bluff and go to trial. Just because you lose at the trial level doesn't mean you lose forever - you will have the right to an appeal, and an appellate court is more likely to rule in your favor given the law on parental rights.
Married Bio * BFP Charts
My SD only gets supervised visits with her BM. Before the supervision was in place (the most recent order anyway), she had been completely absent for over 6mo (no phone calls, letters, or visits). There had to be a series of steps taken to "reestablish a relationship" between BM and the grandparents that would be supervising before visitation could take a permanent schedule.
It should be the same way transitioning these children to your home. You and your H need time to rebuild this relationship abd break through the grandparents' poison, but it needs to have a set schedule of progress so that they ARE TRANSITIONING toward living in your home full time.
Make sure EVERYTHING is spelled out to the tee. And if they don't agree or fail to uphold their end, go to court.
If you go to court, it may be a good idea to get the kids a GAL.