Hi there,
This is my first post and I'm more looking to vent than for advice. Wednesday last week, I went to the doctor to discover the my husband and I were expecting our first baby. I was 5 weeks along with our little peanut and I thought I was going to burst with excitement. We had been trying for about 6 months so elated was an understatement.
The timing was perfect, I was to be due in July and my mom was coming to visit (from 1,000 miles away) the following week so I could tell her in person. We could announce to friends around Christmas and I didn't need to be super pregnant in the hot Texas summer. My husband and I told one of our best friends just because we needed to tell SOMEONE, we were so excited.
The following Saturday I woke up with fairly heavy bleeding and immediately called the doctor who asked if I was having cramping (no) and told me to take it easy and come in Monday if it continued until then. It had only increased by the time Monday came so I went to the doctor with my husband for another blood test. The next day (today), I got the call that our little peanut was gone.
I'm devastated. I know I never met or even saw the little peanut but I loved it so so much. We had made plans, started talking about the future and I saw a side of my husband that I never had before. We were so ready to be parents and just like that, it's gone. I know everything happens for a reason and it likely didn't take because something was wrong. But that doesn't help me feel any happier.
So what's next? I'm keeping busy. I have to tell my friend. I'm keeping my chin up. I'm trying not to cry while I'm still at work. We'll keep trying and we will have a family. I know everything will be ok. I know this. But it still hurts.
Love and support to all that have felt this pain - it's deep even this early on.
Erin
Re: First pregnancy & miscarriage
My first MC was similar to both of yours so I know how you feel. The sadness, the disappointment, the emptiness, and the fear to try again. I won't say you will ever forget this, but it does get easier. It's a rough time and hard to talk to others about that have not been through the same thing. I hope you are able to speak with your significant others about it. Some also find that counseling helps as well.
@scrogs435 "it happened for a reason" or "it happened because something didn't take" shouldn't make you feel any happier. No one wants to think this happens for any reason. It's sucks. Also don't feel bad for getting attached to your little peanut so early, that's pretty normal in pregnancies.
It's absolutely normal to feel scared to try again. Just remember that it's important you heal both physically (your Dr should advise you when it's ok to start again) and mentally before trying again. The only thing I can say is that the only way you will know you are ready is when the want to have a baby outweighs the fear. Sounds silly, I know, but that's all I got.
I suggest you read the Advice and experiences thread, there is some great info there. Also lurk and learn. There is so much good information on this board for when you're ready to try again.
Hang in there, ladies *hug*
@Nikolie93 has said it all.
@scrogs435 and @snzhill I am so sorry to each of you for your loss. (Hugs)
Edit: Tag
Me: 31 DH: 36
Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks
My Chart
Thanks so much ladies for the kind words. Even just typing everything out helps.
@snzhill Thanks again - it'd oddly comforting that you're on a similar timeline.
I just got the phone call this morning from my doctor that I miscarried so I haven't even seen my husband since we found out. I've been at work all day trying not to cry if I'm being completely honest. This post has been my saving grace. We'll talk it out tonight for sure - he's been so supportive through everything and I count my lucky stars that I get go call him mine.
We only told our one friend that we were expecting (she does my hair and we told her to cancel my color for the appointment in a few weeks) so luckily I won't have to deal with numerous people bringing it up. I don't know that they happen "all the time" but even though they are frequent (I read online that 1 in 5 women will have a miscarriage in their lifetime) it doesn't make you feel any better, right? Because it's never happened to you. Or if it has, I'm sure its different each time because there's a different bond with the baby.
I wish you the best too. We'll all move forward - I am meant to be a mommy and it will happen when it's supposed to. Just have to accept that I can't be in control of everything - that's my problem.
Thanks again all,
@scrogs435 I really don't want you to lose hope when I say this but please understand that when you say you are meant to be a mom and it will happen when it's supposed to could be hurtful to other ladies on this board. We all want to be mom's but for some it just may not happen. Just a bit of advice if you decide to move into another section of the board.
@snzhill I totally understand what you mean about people saying "oh it's common". Yes its common, but doesn't mean it hurts any less. I have realized its hard to talk to people about it who haven't experienced it. My one gf who miscarried her first pregnancy, has been super supportive and sensitive. She gets what I'm going through. Some of my other gfs who havent ever been pregnant, while supportive, I feel like they don't truly understand the physical and emotional pain I've had to go through. That's why I am so glad we are all here on this board to help each other through this difficult time (although obviously I don't wish we were on this board....)
Don't get discouraged if you feel good one day and the next you're down. Sometimes there are triggers that really throw us for a loop, even after quite some time. Hang in there!
I'm really glad I came across this thread, since I'm in the same situation. I was about 6 weeks, and would have been due in July. Just like you, my husband and I were thrilled with the timing. We were planning on announcing the pregnancy at Christmas, wouldn't have a hard time waddling through the snow since I probably wouldn't really have much of a belly until late winter early spring, and would have delivered before going through the hot summer. Last Tuesday I started bleeding, and it was enough to require a pad. We went to the ER right away. I had been in and out of the hospital every second day last week going for blood work and multiple ultrasounds. The doctors told me that everything appeared to be progressing as normal, and that some women tend to bleed during early pregnancy rather than just spotting. They weren't too concerned since I didn't have any cramping. This was comforting to hear, and gave us hope. Unfortunately, yesterday morning I started with light cramping and by yesterday evening, it had turned into severe cramping. We went back to the ER and the doctor told me that I had lost the baby.
I completely understand your frustration, and your need to vent. On top of the heartbreak that I am experiencing, I'm also dealing with a lot of anger and frustration because of this. When my husband and I started trying to conceive, I changed my diet, started taking pre-natal vitamins, and tried to live a healthier lifestyle. When I found out I was expecting, I made sure to eat nothing but healthy food, took my vitamins daily, did everything I could to be as healthy as possible for the baby. Despite my best efforts, I lost the baby. I see people all the time who smoke during pregnancy, drink energy drinks or multiple coffees a day, just completely irresponsible with their precious gift, and they tend to go on to have normal healthy pregnancies. I feel that it isn't fair that I have to deal with this loss. I know that miscarriages are common, and they can happen despite our best efforts, it's just really frustrating, and I can't help but ask "why me?", just like I'm sure everyone who experiences this does.
I'm doing my best to be as positive as possible right now, even though it is really hard. Although I'm angry that I lost my baby after only a week of knowing I was pregnant, I'm angry that I never got to hear my baby's heartbeat, or feel my baby move, or even see my baby on an ultrasound, but I'm thankful to know that I am at least able to conceive and I had that short-lived joy, while some women will unfortunately never know that feeling, or experience the joy and happiness I had during my short time with my baby.
Just like you, I became very attached to our little Sweet Pea. I know some people don't consider it a baby at this point, but I did. It was my baby, and I loved it so much from the second I found out I was pregnant.
It's nice to know that I'm not alone, and it's especially nice to hear stories from people who are in a similar situation as me. This has been such a devastating experience, and I hope to never go through this again. Despite my fears of ever having another miscarriage, I'm eager to try again. I hope you are able to find peace and comfort during this time, especially knowing that you are not alone in this. Just reading this thread and writing down how I feel seems to have brought me a little bit of comfort. Just need to try and stay strong, and pray for the best for our future Peanuts and Sweet Peas.
It's devastating and disappointing , regardless of how far along you are when it happens.
*hugs* to you.
I wish I can hug all the ladies that have to endure this pain :-(
@liser67 I have been fighting the same anger as you about leading a healthy lifestyle. I work out & eat clean and did EVERYTHING "right" for this baby. Seriously, I am one of those people who won't even put "chemicals" on my skin. Why did this happen?? I know in my head that there was obviously something that made this not a viable pregnancy but it still makes me angry. I am struggling not to blame myself.
For those of you going on with your work, I admire you. I am a wreck. I called into work for today & will not go back until after the holiday.
@srk2010 & @liser6, ladies I'm sad to hear that you are both going through these feelings too. I know for me there were 10,000 different emotions and thoughts going through my head. It helped me to keep busy though - try and keep my mind on other things. Again this is just me - but it helped to not dwell on it. Everyone absolutely needs to grieve and mourn this heartbreaking loss, but I'm also a big believer in having faith that there's a bigger plan that I may not be aware of.
Everyone of us will have her own time line of when we begin to move on but I think that dwelling on the past can almost make it worse and that's where friends and family come in to help us pick up the pieces and keep going. I've found so much comfort in relating to the brave woman on this and other boards and with the support of my husband, days keep slowly getting brighter. I hope this happens for you all as well.
I was always scared to experience a miscarriage, but I never could have imagined just how hard it would be. We only knew about our baby for just over a week, yet we both feel this incredible loss.
I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words. It really is helpful hearing from people who know what you are going through. My loved ones try to comfort me, but it's hard for them because they don't know what to say. I have found strength from this post, and received a lot of encouragement from research I have been doing for the last couple days trying to figure out what to do now.
I truly hope that everyone who has experienced this unfortunate tragedy, including myself, are able to find peace and comfort, and are able to stay positive during these trying times. I, for one, am trying my best to get back to normal routine and keep my head held high. Although I am fearful of experiencing another miscarriage, I am eager to try again.
I'm so sorry for your loss
Good luck with everything!!
To say my DH and I are devastated would be understatement, we have never experienced this pain.
We end up saying our little gummy bear was a baby girl and her name is Clover. We love her so much and wish we had the chance to hold her. I bought a baby book before all of this happened and we're gonna fill it with what we think her life would have been.
We'll always love our little Clover Grace.
our little angel.