Terrified of labor and delivery

samnicole008 · November 2014

I am 35 weeks pregnant and the thought of labor and delivery freaks me out and I have anxiety attacks about it. What can I do to calm myself down?

Beauxbaton · November 2014

If researching is your thing then do some research on the topic. For me I just had to not think about my own labor. I did lots of research. But I just couldn't think about my self giving birth. I knew it was inevitable that the baby come out one or another. And worrying definitely didn't help.

LaBellaVida · November 2014

Take birthing classes? Research? Don't think about it?

It's really not that big of a deal. Woman have done this since the beginning.

I get your scared, being a FTM..... But it's really not that scary.

tripletoe · November 2014

Its normal to be nervous, but think about all the women who have more than one child. If they are willing to do it more than once, it can't be that bad. In the moment your body just takes over and I found I didn't think about what I was doing, I was just going with the flow. It was definitely a very primal experience. Honestly, I didn't have the best birth experience with my first, but here I am doing it again. The pay off is worth it.

just think of the prize at the end.

tripletoe · November 2014

Also, just think,it's just a day in your life and it will pass.

Maebb · November 2014

I agree with @LaBellaVida that the solution for the anxiety may not be the same for everyone. Maybe for you it would be better to research, attend classes, read books, watch movies, and get as much info as you can. For some people, it might be better to not think about it and just trust that in all likelihood, everything will be fine, and at the end of it you'll have a beautiful baby.

Do you have a birth plan or a general idea of what you're going to do? Would it make you feel better to talk more about that with your doctor? Of course every L&D is different just like every pregnancy is different, but mine with DS was really not bad. It was easier than I was expecting. Good luck!

MusicFanatic · November 2014

Agree with everyone else and don't have much to add in regards to what they said. But wanted to say you'll be just fine, I promise. I was very scared, too. Sometimes so petrified that I would get butterflies in my stomach when I thought about it. But when it was time to actually do it, I wasn't really all that afraid and just... did it. I mean, it hurts.. it's labor. But it wasn't as bad as I was working it up to be in my head. It helped to remind myself that it would end and in the scheme of things, it's not very long. Plus you get a baby in the end

NatureLovers · November 2014

Specifically, what is scaring you?

FitmomJess · November 2014

I hate it too and I've been through it before lol.

BackseatDriver · November 2014

What works in other situations that cause you to get anxious?

I was really nervous too, but it went so much better than I ever imagined. I just kept telling myself that though matter what I would get through and reminded myself that women have babies every day. I did research to try to understand what to expect and I talked to my OBs.

This time I'm a little nervous again because I don't feel prepared for it to be worse than last time and I know it doesn't always go *that* well.

GromMom · November 2014

Can you go on a tour so the area won't seem unfamiliar to you on the big day? I know touring the l&d area helped me to feel more comfortable when I arrived because it wasn't such a strange place

thompnia · November 2014

I've been working on a relaxing music playlist. Would that help you?

bustysinclare · November 2014

Try not to think about it!

lavet22 · November 2014

I agree with @LaBellaVida that it's really not that scary. For whatever reason, people LOVE to tell FTM's all the horror stories about labor and delivery. I was so scared with DS1 and it was a piece of cake. I got my epi at 7cm (labor pains were just getting to the point of uncomfortable, not even that painful) and he was born 4hrs later after 50min of pushing. Easy breezy. If you are scared, talk to your doc, do some reading on your own, and MAYBE talk to your friends/family who have had babies in the past and explain you are nervous and would like some reassurance about what the experience would be like.

Really, though, don't get too worked up over it. There is nothing you can do to prevent it at this point

If you are planning on getting an epi, get it early and then surf the TV or read a book or get the baby book ready until the time to push comes.

jmcmoe · November 2014

Labour really isn't like in the movies, you don't go from being totally normal to screaming in pain in like 15 minutes...it's gradual and some lucky people aren't even sure they are in labour! You will have time to mentally adjust from when you first notice contractions. (And make note that I said notice and not feel even though yes you will feel them, they aren't very painful, just annoying) after that you will find your groove and get in the zone! Just remember that millions of women do it daily and if they can, you can too!

llambrose · November 2014

I was really nervous about it the first time too and secretly hoped I would end up with a c-section because of my fibroids. I ended up having a pretty easy labor and delivery and got through it just fine. I am the type of person who likes to feel prepared so I generally research things. I found the whole experience to be like anything that I get nervous about, I worry a lot leading up to it but in the moment, that part of my brain shuts off and I just do what needs to be done. If you get an epidural you really just get to hang out until it is time to push. You will be fine! It happens everyday, all over the world, by many different types of women, in all sorts of situations and most of them are fine and even are willing to do it again.

lovelymrsbenton · November 2014

I delivered naturally with no epidural and I lived. I got nervous beforehand but it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be. Use the breaks between contractions to rest. Don't stress about the next contraction and just breathe through it. If you need to make noises... Do it. It goes by so quickly. You'll wonder how six hours just happened in 5 minutes. Your baby will be in your arms before you know it.

LeannCochran · November 2014

I'm scared to death too. I plan on not having an epi and doing it all naturally because I'm immensely afraid of needles. I can't get a shot or blood drawn without passing out. It's not the pain of the needles just the thought of it. But in my mind it is a comfort to know that I have that relief of an epi if the pain gets too bad. I have panic attacks too but I feel like I will be in the zone and just so excited to have my little boy in my arms that I will want to push to have him here as soon as possible. But I honestly have no idea because I am also a FTM so I guess I have a lot to learn.
I didn't go to birthing classes because I would rather not think about all the things that could go wrong and just trust that if something does, the doctors and nurses and especially God will help me get through it. But it still stresses me out to think about it, no doubt.

Heatherlowry9 · November 2014

This is my second...and with my first we were so prepared. We'd taken so many classes and wanted a natural birth. But then she was breech and I had to have a c-section which was my absolute fear! Everything turned out just fine or course, but this time around I feel so unprepared. It's been 3.5 years since my daughter was born and I've only got 7wks to go....I'm a little scared this time around as well. Try relaxing in quiet with some lavender or maybe getting a prenatal massage? I think it's normal to feel a little scared and nervous...or maybe it's just my personality. Just take things one day at a time an look forward to the day you get to meet your baby.

TXUltraRunner · November 2014

I just trust that my body will know what to do. I think of it in terms of an endurance race: there's a beginning and a definite end and everything in between may be hard but it's a part of the experience. I think that for me, envisioning the "finish line" is going to be helpful to get through it. It's not a scary thing it's natural and there is a light at the end of the tunnel

Trek3 · November 2014

With my first, I started to get nervous about labour from the second the second line appeared....

I read a lot of books, and it helped talking to other women who had gone through it (however you really don't know what giving birth is REALLY like until you go through it! It can't be explained). I also reminded myself that women do intentionally get pregnant again, so even though hard to go through, it can't be THAT terrible.

I also reminded myself that women have been giving birth since the dawn of humanity. We are in a FANTASTIC time and place to have babies: great survival rates, great drugs if you want them, great nurses/doctors/midwives/hospitals, clean water, emergency measures are available if needed, and you get to make informed choices at every step of the way.

Labour does not go on forever - it is a process that you will get through in anywhere from a few hours to a few days. Someone will guide you through it, check on you, tell you what to do... and then it will be over!

moonfaerie · November 2014

I've never been in labor, so I don't have useful tips like the other ladies, but I remember well how terrified I was leading up to my first scheduled c/s. The anxiety was bad in third tri, but by the end, I was so miserable and tired of being pregnant that I didn't care what had to happen to get that baby out. It's totally normal to be anxious, but at the end of it, we do what we have to do to get the baby here and I think the anxiety will fade on its own once you're actually in labor and focusing on holding your sweet little baby at the end.

tanya_erin · December 2014

Is it the pain that's scaring you? It's painful, not gonna lie, but it really is doable. For me personally, my biggest anxiety was pushing baby out and being a modest person, I was never very comfortable laying on the bed with my legs spread for the whole world to see. That is always something I had to mentally overcome. Once I told myself drs/midwives/nurses see that stuff every day, the fear went away. But in the end, you get a baby and it really is the most special thing in the world to hold your child that has been living inside you for 9 months!!

CoachTay · December 2014

I found myself in the same state before I had Braylee. I've never been that great with doctors/needles/surgeries/etc., so the idea of having to birth a child was absolutely terrifying. I found that once I was in labor, the majority of my anxiety and fears subsided as I was simply so excited to meet my daughter --- and at that point, you just have buckle up and enjoy the ride . Afterwards, I realized that I had made labor and delivery out to be FAR worse in my head than it actually was in real life. I was in labor for 40 hours ("active labor" for about 16 hours), got an epidural (which originally terrified the crap outta me, but was SO worth it), and had a vaginal delivery that required an episiotomy (which, again, I was TERRIFIED of having to get -- didn't even know it happened) and a few stitches afterwards. Even with all of that - I still think it was a breeze compared to everything I had race through my head in the months leading up to her birth.

So, no direct advice on what you can do prior but just know that you will get through it and the end result is the best thing that will ever happen to you

aerotigergirl · December 2014

I agree with the recommendations to read positive birth stories. Talking to friends/relatives often backfires because everyone you speak to wants to give you some horror story or another and you just end up feeling more scared.

A couple of specific things that helped me during labor with DS:

1.) Keeping my environment quiet. I would vocalize if I needed to, but I needed DH (and the nurse in the room, once we got to the hospital) to keep quiet during the contractions. I couldn't handle anyone talking to me during the contractions, as it made it more difficult for me to focus. DH understood this early on in the process and was awesome for letting the nurse know once we got to the hospital.

2.) Pick a spot to focus on. When I was at home, I stared at my toes in the bathtub through each contraction. Once I got to the hospital, I stared at the light on a smoke detector in the ceiling. From the time I felt a contraction coming on until it was over, I never moved my eyes from that spot.

3.) Try to remember that you can handle the pain. The pain cannot be bigger or stronger than you are, because the pain is coming from within you. Pain from an external source is probably what you're thinking of, like the type of pain that you experience if you've broken a limb or cut yourself or been in some other kind of trauma. This pain is different because it's your own body simply doing what it was designed to do. It is painful, yes, but the knowledge that it's the pain of your own body working correctly is comforting, and for me, holding that thought in my head was enough to get me through each contraction.

4.) Try not to think about how long you've been in labor, or how long you'll be in labor. Try to only focus on getting past the next contraction. They have a definite start, peak, and end and in between them, I felt pretty good (tired, but ok). Just focus on the next one.

5.) Don't fight it. Let your body do what it's going to do. Try to just let the process take over and ride it through one contraction at a time. Relax, and you will get through it.

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