Parenting after a Loss
brunettemomma1
member
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I am new here… my son's sweetness almost broke my heart tonight.
brunettemomma1
member
Hi… I am struggling trying to find a place to post that is the best fit for me. I don't want to hurt anyone with my posts or post the wrong things. But I am 99% sure I can share my story here and find someone that can relate.
I have a 2.5 year old boy and just experienced my first MC. I would have been 12 weeks pregnant last Friday (11/14), but on Monday (11/10) I went to the DR for my 2nd sonogram and she told me that the baby had died sometime around week 10. I was scheduled for a D&C and went in on Wednesday (11/12). It went well (as well as one could go), but I am an emotional mess when anyone asks how I am doing. I am feeling so sad.
Also, since this was my first MC and it wasn't expected… we told our son that "Mommy had a baby in her belly." Every morning since my 7 week sono (because there was a strong, steady heartbeat at 7w) my son would wake up and "play" Patty-Cake on my tummy "with the baby." It was super cute. He's never played Patty-Cake before. And he totally understood that there was going to be a baby coming. So, after the D&C I was sad and laying in bed… and he tried to cheer me up by "playing" with my tummy. I told him that the baby got sick and wasn't in there anymore. So he asked where it went? I told him that the baby went to Heaven with Toga (our dog that past away in the Spring). He mentioned the baby in Heaven with Toga a few more times, but I think he understands it is not in my belly anymore. …it breaks my heart.
Well, tonight it got even more sad for me. I put him to bed and instead of falling asleep quickly (like usual)… instead he laid in his crib and played Patty-Cake. I listened to his adorable little voice and then watched him on the baby monitor as I cried. He rolled it, patted it, and marked it with a "B." It was adorable and heartbreaking all at the same time.
On the topic of my munchkin…
I am typically a really happy, silly, outgoing momma. My son has seen me cry a handful of times, but nothing like this last week. I tried my hardest to be strong, but he could sense the sadness. He's been super clingy and saying, "Where's my mommy?!" If he doesn't immediately see me when he wakes up or if he wants me. He's taking longer to fall asleep and wants me to lay with him (in his crib!), It's not like him to be so needy or insecure. I want to help him know he's safe & feel secure again. Any suggestions? TIA This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am new here… my son's sweetness almost broke my heart tonight.
BFP#1 D&C May 18th 2012 at 9 wks. EDD Dec 17 2012BFP#2 CP Sept 17th 2012 at 4.5 wks. EDD May 23 2013
BFP#3 EDD June 24th 2013 IT'S A GIRL!
BFP#4 EDD March 2 2015
TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)
BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d
BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13
BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks
BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby
BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
Clomid 50mg,100mg,150mg | Injectables + IUI#1 & IUI#2= BFN
IVF#1~ 8/2012~ 13 frosties~ BFP! OHSS
12/4/12 Luke & Kyle born @ 18 weeks
SHG+ Hysteroscopy+ FET= BFP | Cerclage+ Lovenox+ 5m Bed Rest
~Our wee guy is here! 11/27/13~
I went through something very similar and my son was 2 yrs 3 mos when I had one loss and then almost 2.5 when I had the next one. I had told him the first time that there was a baby in my belly and he asked about it all the time. I told him the same thing you did about the baby not being there anymore and going to heaven. I didn't tell him the second time, it was way too hard to hear him mention anything that first time.
I think it is okay that he is acting a little differently...he senses your hurt and I think he wants to help you in his own little toddler way. I am very sorry for your loss. I think this is a good board, I was also on TTCAL while trying for my second but I took special care not to really mention my older son as many of the ladies there do not have any living children.
I could have sworn there was another board created not too long ago that was called Trouble Trying for a Sibling or something of that nature?
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
I have 2 boys ages 5 and 2. We told them about our last pregnancy and, like you, told them the baby went to heaven. Our 2 year old didn't really get it in the first place but our 5 year old still mentions him occasionally. He has this fear of dying which I'm not sure how to handle. He says he doesn't want to go to heaven or have any of the rest of us go to heaven. His great-grandma passed away a little over a year ago too. He told me recently that he didn't want me to be a grandma and I jokingly said he would have to have a baby for me to be a grandma. He replied with, "Remember that baby that was in your tummy that didn't come out?"
It's heartbreaking. I want to shelter him from loss but that's not right either. It's hard when you don't know what to say or how much they understand. I've talked to him about it and just try my best to explain it and answer his questions. That's easier to say about a 5 year old.
I don't have advice but I'm sending (((Hugs))).
| <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</a>[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/43ff7d]
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[/RA with Sjogren's Syndrome. Risk of heart block in newborn. Age: DH and I are both 38.
BFP #1: 11/25/2007, EDD 7/28/2008 - Missed m/c (blighted ovum) 12/6/2007 6w3d, D&C 1/3/2008.
BFP #2: 4/2008 - Natural m/c at 6w.
Met with RE in 5/2008 full cycle analysis and SA normal. Not considered high risk for blood clots but prescribed 1 baby aspirin a day precautionary during TTC and Progesterone suppositories during 1st trimester of pregnancy.
BFP #3: 10/17/2008. EDD 6/23/2009, Third time's the charm! Healthy baby boy born 6/27/2009 via emergency c-section.
BFP #4: 6/14/2011. Healthy baby boy born 2/16/2012 via elective c-section.
BFP #5: 1/15/2014. EDD 9/22/2014. 2/17/14:.We have a BABY!!! Heart rate 167 and measuring on time. 3/10/14 u/s #2 baby measuring perfectly at 12 weeks at heart rate of 166. NT u/s was normal. Maternit21 blood draw on 3/5/14. Results back on 3/19 - Normal. It's a BOY!!! 4/10/14 at 16 weeks, 3 days discovered baby's heart stopped at 15 weeks, 6 days. D&C 4/11/14. Pathology results were all normal. New information on 8/11/14 - blood test revealed 1/3 of babys blood was in mine caused, most likely, by a tear in the placenta from extreme coughing. Doctor believes this to be the cause of death. Repeat D&C and Hysteroscopy scheduled for 8/19/14. My Chart