'AL Mommas & Rainbow Babies

Re: 'AL Mommas & Rainbow Babies

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  jess123456 member

  November 2014

  This is a great post and I have had very similar feelings. For me loss has defined my life for so many years that it is a real shock to finally have our rainbow and honestly I am not totally sure that it has hit me yet even two weeks into this. I feel like my family thinks that now that he is here at home that I am "cured" and that is of course the farthest from the case. I feel so incredibly blessed that our baby boy is finally here but I can't help but feel guilty for the fact that my other babies never got the chances he will while also feeling guilty that my son would never be here if they hadn't passed away. It's such a mix of emotions.
  
  My daughter passed from a terminal diagnosis and I recently had a dream that she came to asking why she wasn't here at home too so my guilt can sometimes be too much. I feel like my husband and I constantly check my son to make sure he is ok which is probably a normal new parent thing but sometimes it can get so overwhelming.

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  FishyMom member

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  I cry a lot too, but also with happy things.. I don't think I realized the burden and heartbreak I had suffered was so bad while going thru IF and a loss. It was like I FINALLY got everything back that I had lost. I don't feel defined as a person who can't have kids or a person who can't carry one. I love her more than I ever could. I do often wonder if the little boy I lost would have looked like her.
  
  @aragosta I'm am so sorry it has been hard on you. Your story is so much different than just a typical loss and I admire you for seeking help. Big hugs my friend and I will continue to include you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, cause you deserve the happiness that comes with your baby.

  ******************** BFP Warning *******************

   

  I'm 29 and DH is 32 we have a MFI (low count) 

  IVF #1 starting in August. ER 9/5/13 23 eggs we are fertilizing 15. 9 frozen
  ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
  7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
  Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
  Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN

  FET #2 - 3/3/14 - 5AB Blast -- Beta #1 3/12 - 152 -- Beta #2 3/14 - 358

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  FET #3 06/09/16 - 5AB Blast - Beta #1 6/18- 245 -- Beta #2 06/20 - 600

   PAIF/SAIF/PAL/SAL welcome!

  
  

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  KMW08 member

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  @shaddox16‌ where you said -so focused on getting LO here... Completely rings true.
  
  @aragosta‌ I agree with @Ashris13‌. Taking care of yourself is extremely important and I'm glad you were proactive and had a counselor lined up.
  
  @jess123456‌ ohhh the guilt. I forgot about that, but I have it too. Guilt for my angel babies, guilt for "waiting" to have kids (other irl factors at play here). I wasn't expecting the guilt that I've experienced.
  
  @Ashris13‌ IF struggles and loss is a huge punch at self-definition. With RPL I was pretty convinced that my rainbow would never get here. It's a strange/unknown area now of not being defined by loss anymore.
  
  (((Hugs))) To everybody.

  BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
  

  DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart

      
  

  
  

   

   

   

   

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